Hi LV,
I'm really sorry, but I'm feeling I don't have anything more I can offer here. So I think it's time for me to stop guiding you.

Let me know how this lands - either here or by pm.

Love,
Deejay

Hi LV,
Happy New Year!
More tomorrow,
Love,
Deejay

Hi LV,

This happens very quickly after the event and I have done enough exercises now to know that it is AFTER the event. Still don't know how to surrender into this.

There is no need to try to 'surrender into this'. Look around. Notice that 'surrender' is not needed to see what is around you ...

Hi LV,

What is this 'I' that is supposedly in charge? Is there anything that could possibly be in charge? What/where is it, and describe it being in charge, how does it happen?

There is a flow of desires, thoughts, movements and sensations which stick together coherently enough to create a ...

Hi LV,
Sorry I didn't reply yesterday, the message alert didn't come through on my phone.

there are times when a sense of self has appropriated actions and events and said they're 'mine' or what 'I did'

You looked closely before at the illusory 'sense of self', and how it is fabricated.
Can ...

Hi LV,

It seems ridiculously simple but just letting go of the habit to control the situation suddenly makes me more aware of the present , aware in a non utilitarian appreciative way.

Ridiculously simple is good! :-)

But: letting go of a habit of controlling the situation

There is no habit ...

Hi LV,

just remembering to relax and to see, when aware enough, that thoughts especially those that support suffering are just thoughts.

the ordinariness of this cannot be avoided, as I have often used the spiritual to do, but that there were moments of really settling into the present.

Great ...

Hi LV,

I can say right now that relaxing in the past day hadn't collapsed anything.
Pleased to hear it!

As for tension there's still the conviction I have to brace myself to respond to the world. This is just a belief so give me the rest of the day to really look at it.

Take plenty of time and ...

Hi LV,

Some telling resistance to this, doubt that it is possible to truly relax and stop driving, fear that the world, my world, will collapse. But also a peace sometimes and a more vivid sense of the present. Which is delightful so the resistance seems weird.

:-) Great, yes, this is a quite an ...

Hi LV,
Great to read this.

'I" want to be better through seeing through the illusion of 'I', more peaceful, more insightful, more loveable, wiser etc

Yes! Bonkers, isn't it? But great you see it.

And all this thinking just reinforces the 'I' but this is hard to see when I am in it.
AB ...

Hi LV,
I would suggest it's not a good time to take a complete break. This area of hopes and expectations is crucial, and I strongly suggest we continue the dialogue at this point. Apologies for not replying earlier to this last post, I didn't get an email notification this time. I'm around ...

Hi LV,
You are sounding very clear.

Let’s revisit hopes and expectations. On 2nd Dec you wrote:

I expect some of the recurring things that people report in the dialogues of the Gateless Gatecrashers, clarity of perception, seeing the world without the narrowness of self, a sense of freedom, a ...

Hi LV,
Great... sounds very clear.

I do have to look at experience, or the assumption creep back in.

Yes. That's what it's like, we're bound to forget again and again. After all, 'I' thoughts have been arising thousands of times daily for all those years!

I'll reply fully tomorrow. Keep ...

Hi LV,
Are you ok?
Love,
Deejay

Hi LV,

You seem very readily able to distinguish sense experience from mind experience. You saw and described beautifully how the illusion of self is constructed by the mind.

The confusion seems to be around the fact that mental experience has effects.

If I imagine an earwig crawling over my ...