Stuck in awareness trap

[Inthegarden]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That there is no one inside actually in control and running my life. We are all part of one big whole that is in constant movement.

What are you looking for at LU?
I want to see the truth. I want to see through the illusions that are making me suffer. I believe this will eventually lead to peace, but understand that there will be more work to do after seeing through self to get to that point.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I hope that my guide will be able to find where I am stuck in illusion. They will be able to challenge my beliefs in a way that will help me see clearly so that I can let go of beliefs that are not true.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I grew up going to a Christian church that encouraged each individual to seek for truth. I always felt like something was missing though. I learned to pray here, but eventually found the inconsistency between always asking for things to be different and reality. So my prayers change from asking for things to pleas to just be taught. I went through a very uncomfortable experience that helped me realize I don't have to believe thoughts. Then my search led me to some online teachers, such as Angelo Dillulo, Pernille Damour, and Shar Jason. Through Angelo's book and videos I began self inquiry and have been practicing it on and off. I am still suffering a great deal and always get stuck in self inquiry feeling like I must be the one aware of the thoughts and sensations.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11