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[alexmcca]

Great, thank you.

Just did a session with someone where these were some of the "concepts" I was addressing with them... and it flows so beautifully, and is such a pleasure to see the dissolving of various tightly held beliefs ... and it is truly remarkable how knowing this makes absolutely no freaking difference to what "I" believe!! LOL

Looking in DE.. and that is all that is needed.... and these are great questions. 'I' will look and get back to you.

[tryfailtry]

Want some more exercises :) No race. No rush.


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[alexmcca]

Hello! Thanks so much.

I uncovered some strong expectations that I had not been aware of. There was the desire that by seeing through self, I would no longer have to feel bad about myself (because there would be no self!). There was also the assumption that certain situations I currently feel trapped in would "disappear" or not bother "me" anymore...

I wanted to let you know as this is probably what was getting in the way.

[tryfailtry]

What is bothered. What is trapped. Is your answer anything more than idea? Are you really trapped? Right now. A thought might arise that you are but is there a chooser in what arises? Even if you say but if I do this or that this or that will happen, how could you know? And does that reality which resides in that though exist in this moment? Food for thought.


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[tryfailtry]

I'm certainly not downplaying your pain or worries. I've been there myself. Perhaps take some time to write down everything that is bothering you privately and see if any of them are true outside of thought. It might be a bit off the path but it is a great exercise to see that there is no chooser in what arises. And that the thoughts can't hurt you in your head and most certainly not on paper.


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[alexmcca]

Thanks.

Everything you say makes complete sense to me! Head is nodding. Just somehow ... seems like this has not sunk in.....

No, there is nothing to be bothered... just the sensation labelled as "I'm bothered"

[tryfailtry]

You say No, there is nothing to be bothered... just the sensation labelled as "I'm bothered"


Excellent. Just keep noticing. Maybe just sit and in your field of vision notice how the mind just fires up and labels things without any effort. Notice how you perceive it happening.


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[tryfailtry]

And as far as it not sinking in. That's ok too. You are seeing with a new pair of the same eyes so to speak. Whatever adjustment that takes place is not up to you anyway.


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[alexmcca]

Hello.

I'm noticing the flow of images, words, sensations .... and it is clearer and clearer that this is just "happening". Experiencing the happening and then thoughts coming later.

I read something in an email - someone talking about how their body had responded in a way that saved their life... even though consciously they had been intending to do the opposite, and how amazing this is and something 'else' must be going on.... and it was just so clear (not just intellectually) that nothing "odd" was going on... just life and the thoughts that "I" did or did not do something. The brain and body are responding to what is there and doing what they do.... At times when the body is at risk and 'quick' action happens (or something unusual anyway) - the thought "I am doing a b or c.....".. may be "noticed" while an alternative action takes place... and then this discrepancy is noticed and another thought - "oh, that seemed like "I" wasn't in control of what happened, there must be a guardian angel that saved my life".

[tryfailtry]

You clearly understand what is going on. :) So. Is there a controller anywhere? Did you ever have choice?

What is writing these 'stories' - rather- is anyone really doing anything?

[alexmcca]

lol. Yes, I seem to understand!

Is there a controller anywhere? Did you ever have choice?

No, no controller. Feels like there is sometimes, but it isn't believed as soon as it is noticed...

No, no choice.... all just happening.. labeling, sensations, images, words, sounds, all sorts of sensory input and all unfolding constantly.... and just a sequence of thoughts too that seem like a controller.

What is writing these 'stories' - rather- is anyone really doing anything?

.... have thoughts saying "no, just a flow of things no decision or anyone deciding or doing the writing"... and then the thought "it feels like a decision was made though"

[tryfailtry]

excellent!- not a trick question, but what has changed for you over the past week or so? You can speak without preface here- I understand that you realize you control nothing.

[alexmcca]

Hi, really sorry. We had no internet for a day.

excellent!- not a trick question, but what has changed for you over the past week or so? You can speak without preface here- I understand that you realize you control nothing.

it has been like an oscillation over and over .. noticing thoughts, images, words, sensations as they come and go and then a sensation like "suddenly waking up" and a thought "oh, I was back in there believing it all again and suffering". Found myself looking at other approaches again, and then coming back here and then again and then coming back here.... but this back and forth is happening less and less and more and more the thoughts are like "oh noticing the present moment" and then awareness of images, words, sensations....

I'm aware that when certain thoughts occur there is a strong glue to a physical sensation with a label "suffering".... it is still strong and experienced as "unpleasant" .... then there are thoughts "I want this to go away".. but then the thought "just notice the images and words and allow the sensation to just be as it is" and the thought "maybe this is really all not real".

[tryfailtry]

No problem about the internet situation- things just happen don't they :)

In any case- what we are looking for here- is seeing through the self. Seeing through the illusion which happens to imply there was one in the first place which we now know _______________________________(fill in the blank)

However for what it is worth- your 'progression' was very similar to mine- so have no fear- its all normal. How else could it possible be? What the heck is normal? These expectations that its pure bliss and levitating above the ground are not true- and IF they are experienced- well that is just what happened to show up.

However you should notice that psychological suffering will begin to dwindle/things may arise/habits may fade/interests might shift/- just keep in mind- it is all IMPERSONAL- it all just happens- there is no one out there trying to purposely ruin 'your' life :)


You don't have to answer right now, whenever you are comfortable. But have a look at those Final 5 questions again- and see if the answers come to you differently now. And over here, we just don't reel you in and cut the line. If you would like to explore this, deepen this, work through doubts- that is all available and its a wonderful place to open the spectrum- but for now- all we are concerned with is seeing through the "I" - if you are inclined to keep going- awesome- if you feel you are done-awesome, but either way I want this to be clear for you.

[alexmcca]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Thoughts... of "I am" "me" ... embedded in many thoughts - images and words .... images of "me" (picture of face, body) that are often not noticed coupled with sensations that weld it all together and make it feel real. These occur one after the other and seem constant and appear to be a solid tangible "thing" that is "me", and "my story". It starts very early in life when as children the brain is learning to categorise and label things and as part of that it is labelled as "mine" and "yours" etc.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Thoughts, images/words and arising sensations are noticed in a different way. It is all the same.... but so much is noticed as images/words/sensations rather than just "believed". No "sudden" experience ... just less thoughts that are followed and thoughts saying "this is happening differently, it is being noticed".

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I was noticing a lot of thoughts around "but am I doing the right thing?"... "is this approach right for the client?"... "did I do the right work with that client?"... "I am on the right track?" .... "I need to find the right approach" ... "I need to find the right answers".... and did some Inquiry on this and noticing this concept of "right".... and another thought kept coming "this is what's keeping me stuck - believing I have to find the right answers. Believing I am in control and I could be hurting someone by not having the right answers. I have to keep trying to do the right thing".

This was such a noticeable experience and simultaneously there was this "but it all just happens... there is no control over it. Even if there is something that is more or less helpful than something else, there is no me/controller that will enforce that, change it, decide it, look for it, not do it, do it, think it or ignore it... it is all just occurring".

Something seemed different after that.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

Still 'feels' like it often... however, when looking happens, it isn't believed. There is no "me" separate from all this.