Looking for a guide

[Brad]

Let me add something I left out of my last post. When I was running and noticing the perceptions, it also occurred to me that "this is all there is, nothing more". There perceptions and thoughts are there and it's all happening right now. The past can't be known because the thoughts about the past are happening now. This is all there is.

The state of this experience was short lived. What I think I understand is still happening in logic. I can't find a me doing the hearing, seeing, etc. I can't stop them, even for one second. It is becoming clearer that there is no me, but this clarification is happening in logic. Logic is always trying to figure it out.

[Behzad]

Let me add something I left out of my last post. When I was running and noticing the perceptions, it also occurred to me that "this is all there is, nothing more". There perceptions and thoughts are there and it's all happening right now. The past can't be known because the thoughts about the past are happening now. This is all there is.

Yes, nice. So this wich you call "this is all there is" can you look at that wich you call "this is all there is, nothing more" and see if there is anyone looking/seeing this?

Is there a you at the center of this experience that is seeing that this is all there is?

The state of this experience was short lived. What I think I understand is still happening in logic. I can't find a me doing the hearing, seeing, etc. I can't stop them, even for one second. It is becoming clearer that there is no me, but this clarification is happening in logic. Logic is always trying to figure it out.

No Brad, this is not happening in logic, you are looking and telling me what you see. Do you see the difference between seeing this and trying to think this out, solve this true thinking about it. Every question I am asking is pushing you to look, the answer you have been given me is not logic, its youre direct observation that has been seen. So keep going and answer the questions.

Keep looking,

Is seeing happening or are you doing the seeing? Is there a seer or just seeing happening effortlesly?
Is reading happening or are you doing the reading right now?

Can you see know that every single thing is happening whitout you doing anything : ) ?

Love
Behzad

[Brad]

Yes, nice. So this wich you call "this is all there is" can you look at that wich you call "this is all there is, nothing more" and see if there is anyone looking/seeing this?

Is there a you at the center of this experience that is seeing that this is all there is?

The question, is there a me, never came up. Like it wan't necessary to ask.

Is seeing happening or are you doing the seeing? Is there a seer or just seeing happening effortlesly?
Is reading happening or are you doing the reading right now?

Can you see know that every single thing is happening whitout you doing anything : ) ?

Seeing is just happening. Reading is just happening. I need to keep looking at everything this way so maybe it will sink in. I find it difficult to notice thoughts instead of attaching to them all the time.

[Behzad]

The question, is there a me, never came up. Like it wan't necessary to ask.

Yes, but can you stand in that position again where you saw "this is all there is" and see if there is a I/me seeing this?

Seeing is just happening. Reading is just happening. I need to keep looking at everything this way so maybe it will sink in. I find it difficult to notice thoughts instead of attaching to them all the time.

Good, have a look at how this thing happens wich you call that you get attached to the thoughts.

There is a experience of being in thoughts, right then there is a experience of being out of thoughts, seeing thoughts, noticing thoughts. This is 2 different experiences. Now, look and see if there is any actual I/me that gets in and out of thoughts? Do you see any self/I move in and out of thoughts? When you are in thoughts, is there a self there? And when you are out of thoughts, is there a self there?

Or

Is it just 2 different experiences happening without any self/I anywhere? Just 2 movement of life. Being in thought and out of thought but where is the I/me that gets in and out? Maybe its just a thought? Maybe its just that there is only these 2 experiences happening without there being any you that moves in and out, have a closer look and see how it really is.

See it like a camera, sometimes there is the experince of zooming in thoughts and sometimes zooming out, seeing thoughts, but where is the I that these 2 experiences happen to?

There are a few questions here Brad for you to look in to. So take youre time and look in to these questions so possible doubts/confusion can be removed.

Take youre time...

[Brad]

Yes, but can you stand in that position again where you saw "this is all there is" and see if there is a I/me seeing this?

I finally managed to see things from this state again. This time I made sure to look for a me and it wasn't there. I have accepted that I am just thoughts and memories and I'm never going to find me, but I still can't see through it.

There is a experience of being in thoughts, right then there is a experience of being out of thoughts, seeing thoughts, noticing thoughts. This is 2 different experiences. Now, look and see if there is any actual I/me that gets in and out of thoughts? Do you see any self/I move in and out of thoughts? When you are in thoughts, is there a self there? And when you are out of thoughts, is there a self there?

I don't see any self moving in and out of thoughts. When I am in thoughts, I am not looking at the thoughts and I'm not looking for the self. I think I am the one doing whatever I'm doing at the time. This is a challenge for me at work because it involves thinking constantly. I can't seem to do my job properly if I'm looking for the self so I get sucked in to it.

Is it just 2 different experiences happening without any self/I anywhere? Just 2 movement of life. Being in thought and out of thought but where is the I/me that gets in and out? Maybe its just a thought? Maybe its just that there is only these 2 experiences happening without there being any you that moves in and out, have a closer look and see how it really is.

See it like a camera, sometimes there is the experince of zooming in thoughts and sometimes zooming out, seeing thoughts, but where is the I that these 2 experiences happen to?

I do not see the transition from zooming out to zooming in. If I were aware of it, it wouldn't happen because I'd be watching it. I get distracted and suddenly I'm zoomed in and thinking I/me thoughts with everything. I don't watch them until I catch myself doing this. Still, no me can be found anywhere.

[Behzad]

I finally managed to see things from this state again. This time I made sure to look for a me and it wasn't there. I have accepted that I am just thoughts and memories and I'm never going to find me, but I still can't see through it.

What do you need to see through?

I don't see any self moving in and out of thoughts. When I am in thoughts, I am not looking at the thoughts and I'm not looking for the self. I think I am the one doing whatever I'm doing at the time. This is a challenge for me at work because it involves thinking constantly. I can't seem to do my job properly if I'm looking for the self so I get sucked in to it.

Thinking happens, doing things happen. You dont need to look all the time. Just one good look is enough to verify if there is a self/Brad that is doing anything.

Are you breathing?
Seeing?
Hearing?
Smelling?
Tasting?
Feeling?

Can you stop any of these senses?
Can you decide to stop the thoughts for a minute?

If not, what do you have control over? Is there anything you control?

I do not see the transition from zooming out to zooming in. If I were aware of it, it wouldn't happen because I'd be watching it. I get distracted and suddenly I'm zoomed in and thinking I/me thoughts with everything. I don't watch them until I catch myself doing this. Still, no me can be found anywhere.

You dont need to see the transition. This is not about you staying out of thoughts. Whether there is a experience happening of you seeing thoughts or you being in thoughts doesnt matter, what matter is that there is no you in neither of these experiences. Can that be seen?
Then it doesnt matter what is happening in the head so to speak, whatever is happening is happening and thats fine.

Look at the thoughts, can you see if you find anyone seeing the thoughts? Is there a seer of thoughts?
And when there is being in thoughts happening, being lost in thoughts, are there just thoughts happening about you being lost or is there really a entity that is lost in thoughts?

Look and see if you really see a me/self in any of these experiences. Have a good look.

[Brad]

What do you need to see through?

There isn't anything to see through.

Can you stop any of these senses?
Can you decide to stop the thoughts for a minute?

If not, what do you have control over? Is there anything you control?

I can't stop any of the senses or thoughts. I don't have any control over these. I am getting hung up on intentions to do things. For example, the phone rings; there is an intention to answer the phone. There is a thought that I need to answer the phone. However, there is never a command thought "answer the phone", just an intention and the body answers the phone. This occurs as me controlling this action.

Look at the thoughts, can you see if you find anyone seeing the thoughts? Is there a seer of thoughts?

There is no one seeing thoughts. They are just happening. Many of the thoughts are extremely random and have nothing to do with anything that is going on. Other thoughts seem to arise at logical times, like the intention to answer the phone when it rings.

And when there is being in thoughts happening, being lost in thoughts, are there just thoughts happening about you being lost or is there really a entity that is lost in thoughts?

There aren't thoughts about me being lost in thought while it's happening. These thoughts come after, when I catch myself being lost in thought, so I am analyzing the experience of being lost in thought after it happens. There is no entity found during any of this.

[Behzad]

I am getting hung up on intentions to do things. For example, the phone rings; there is an intention to answer the phone. There is a thought that I need to answer the phone. However, there is never a command thought "answer the phone", just an intention and the body answers the phone. This occurs as me controlling this action.

So let us say that the phone is ringing right now. Automatically there is an intention to answer it because we want to know who it is, maybe we are waiting for a important call, maybe its out children, family, job related maybe but it doesnt matter what reason but usually there is answering the phone.

But you think that you can decide to not answer the phone because there is no command just an intention, right?

Can you see that when answering happens it happens naturally because that is what we usually do unless we have a reason to not answer the phone. Like you said there can be a thought llike " I need to answer the phone" and the body moves and answering happpens.

In same way that answering may happen also no answering may happen. There may be a intention to not answer the phone. You may be thinking "I will decide, choose to not answer the phone right now because Behzad is saying that there is no doer, so I have to test that out : ) " and you dont answer the phone and another thought may arise like " See, I can choose to not answer the phone : ) ".

Did this thought arise out of you choosing to not answer the phone or did the circumstances, conditioning stimulate that thought and action to happen?

Where is the you that is deciding to not answer the phone? Can you see where it is? Is the intention to not answer the phone coming out of a you? Have look...

You could be thinking that I can choose to answer or not answer the phone but can you know before the next thought comes in to youre head so to speak wich one will happen, if answering or no answering will happen?

And if no answering would happen, is that you that decided to do that, to manifest that thought or did that just happen?

There aren't thoughts about me being lost in thought while it's happening. These thoughts come after, when I catch myself being lost in thought, so I am analyzing the experience of being lost in thought after it happens. There is no entity found during any of this.

Yes, thats right. While there is lostness there is no you there. Just thoughts happening.
When there is a seeing of lostness has happend then the analyzing starts about you have been lost in thoughts.

So can YOU ever be lost in thought?
Can you ever be inside or outside thoughts?

if not, is there any real, actual you inside or outside thoughts?
Has there ever been and can there ever be a you inside or outside thoughts?

[Brad]

Can you see that when answering happens it happens naturally because that is what we usually do unless we have a reason to not answer the phone. Like you said there can be a thought llike " I need to answer the phone" and the body moves and answering happpens.

Yes. I see that the body is conditioned to do this and thoughts of "me" needing to answer the phone come up. There is no controller of the body answering the phone and no creator of the thought that I need to answer the phone.

Did this thought arise out of you choosing to not answer the phone or did the circumstances, conditioning stimulate that thought and action to happen?

There was no choosing. The thought was stimulated by the sound of the phone. I did not make the thought or choose one way or the other.

Where is the you that is deciding to not answer the phone? Can you see where it is? Is the intention to not answer the phone coming out of a you? Have look...

There is no me deciding. The intention to not answer the phone just comes as a thought without anything controlling it.

You could be thinking that I can choose to answer or not answer the phone but can you know before the next thought comes in to youre head so to speak wich one will happen, if answering or no answering will happen?

No, there is no way to know which action will take place. There is just a thought and then either answering or not answering the phone.

And if no answering would happen, is that you that decided to do that, to manifest that thought or did that just happen?

That thought just happened.

So can YOU ever be lost in thought?
Can you ever be inside or outside thoughts?

I can never be lost in thought. I can never be inside or outside them. A silent and implied I thought just accompanies these thoughts, creating the illusion of me.

if not, is there any real, actual you inside or outside thoughts?
Has there ever been and can there ever be a you inside or outside thoughts?

There is no real me inside or outside of thoughts. "I" am just a thought, and therefore, imaginary. There has never been and can never bee a me inside our outside thoughts.

[Behzad]

Good.

When thoughts happen, are they happening to you?
When feelings happen, are they youre feelings?

Can you see that this whole movie about Brad is on autopilot, is happening by itslef without there being a YOU that is doing anything?

[Brad]

When thoughts happen, are they happening to you?
When feelings happen, are they youre feelings?

Thoughts and feelings are not happening to me. When I am making effort to watch my direct experience they just arise. When I am not making effort to watch my direct experience, the thoughts and feelings feel like they are happening to me.

Can you see that this whole movie about Brad is on autopilot, is happening by itslef without there being a YOU that is doing anything?

Kind of like the previous answer, I can see that it's on autopilot when I'm watching the movie. Other times I am living the movie and still think I'm doing it all.

Sorry it took so long to respond. I was waiting and hoping to be able to see something new, but nothing has changed.

Brad

[Behzad]

Thoughts and feelings are not happening to me. When I am making effort to watch my direct experience they just arise. When I am not making effort to watch my direct experience, the thoughts and feelings feel like they are happening to me.

When you are not watching youre direct experience then you say that it feels like the thoughts and feelings is happening to you. BUT what is the truth here. No matter if it still feels like it is happening to you is it actually happening to you?
Can there ever be a real you/I here wich thoughts and feelings happens to even though it may feel like it?

Kind of like the previous answer, I can see that it's on autopilot when I'm watching the movie. Other times I am living the movie and still think I'm doing it all.

Same thing here Brad. Even if it feels like you are doing things, what is the ACTUAL truth?
Can there ever be a scenario where there is a you that is doing things?

Its like the sun. We say that the sun goes up and the sun goes down =(I am the doer of actions and thoughts and feelings is happening to me). But the ruth is the sun neither goes up nor down. The sun is on the same place all the time. Just the earth that is spinning =(there is no doer doing anything and thoughts/feelings is not happening to a self/me).

But that is how it looks like, that the sun goes up and down.

Is it okej for the illusion to still happen as long as you know for sure that its just a illusion. Its just how things appear to be but its not how things actually are?

And

If this can be fine for you to let the illusion be as it is as long as you know for sure that its just a illusion then you simply can relax. There is no need to look anymore or verify anymore if there is a self here or not. You just need to look carefully once to see that there is no self. Once that is clear then there is no need to look anymore. Let go of even that and life will contine as it has always done.

Sorry it took so long to respond. I was waiting and hoping to be able to see something new, but nothing has changed.

No problem Brad.

All there is, is whats here right now. Whatever youre experience may be at the moment. Maybe thoughts happening, feelings happening, things is being seen, heard etc. Have look and see if there is really a you here in youre direct experience that is waiting and hoping to see something new? Where is that one in youre experience?

Maybe there is just experience happening and that can include thoughts about someone waiting? Thoughts about there being a doer? All that is part of the experience happening here. But all there is is the experience happening. there is nothing outside of experience that the things is happening to. There is no you and experience. Just experience happening.

Maybe its just a thought and nothing more that we mistake for a person that "I was waiting and hoping to be able to see something new" ?

That thought is part of whats happening and all there is is whats happening, no person here. Can this be seen?

[Brad]

When you are not watching youre direct experience then you say that it feels like the thoughts and feelings is happening to you. BUT what is the truth here. No matter if it still feels like it is happening to you is it actually happening to you?
Can there ever be a real you/I here wich thoughts and feelings happens to even though it may feel like it?

No, thoughts aren't happening to me even when they feel like they are. I can't come and go so there is never really a me here.

Even if it feels like you are doing things, what is the ACTUAL truth?
Can there ever be a scenario where there is a you that is doing things?

There can only be a scenario where there is a thought of me doing things. Will this ever stop?

Let go of even that and life will contine as it has always done.

The problem is I can't seem to let go.

Maybe its just a thought and nothing more that we mistake for a person that "I was waiting and hoping to be able to see something new" ?

That thought is part of whats happening and all there is is whats happening, no person here. Can this be seen?

This is understood and seen, but it just won't be accepted.

[Behzad]

No, thoughts aren't happening to me even when they feel like they are. I can't come and go so there is never really a me here.

Really good.

There can only be a scenario where there is a thought of me doing things. Will this ever stop?

Good, there can only be thoughts about you doing things but never any actual you doing things. Its like the sun analogy I told you about. We say that the sun goes up and down but that doesnt matter as long as you know for sure that the sun never goes up nor down.

Same thing with the I thoughts. There will still be I thoughts but that doesnt matter. There is nothing here to care about that besides thoughts about you not liking it maybe. Do you see that there is only a thought that can complain about what is? And only a thought that can say that, that thought is happening to me? Its just a bundle of thoughts spinning around : )

But there is no you at the center, you as a seperate person are absent. There is just thoughts happening to no one. Can this be seen?

The problem is I can't seem to let go.

No ofcourse you cant, because there is no you to do that.

This is understood and seen, but it just won't be accepted.

So you are seeing cleary that there is no self but you are saying that it just wont be accepted.

There is no need to accept this. Who could ever accept this Brad? There is nothing seperate from life to choose to accept or not accept life. There is just life happening. Can you find anything outside of life that can accept or not accept life?

Look at youre direct experience right now. There is all the sensations happening, thoughts happening etc. Is there a you that all these is happening to? If not, wich one is true, youre actual direct experience or the thought that it just want be accepted?

If this is seen that there is no self then this seeing removes all the doubts. So if there is a doubt, bring it into youre direct experince and hold it like a mirror. Look att direct experience and then look at the doubt/thought. If its not matching with youre direct experince then its not true. You can simply let them go.