Needing Guidance

[Behzad]

When there is rememberd knowing, before you remember that there were no knowing of seeing, touching, feeling then there were no Sundew there. There were no one there to remember to be aware or not aware. Just pure actions, doing happening. No seperation. Then a thought comes in and say, "oh I havent been aware of what were happening, so now suddenly there is a witness, a knower/knowing, awareness of what is happening. But that was just a thought : )

Here comes a little clarification : )

You talk about a present knowing and a rememberd knowing. You want to keep the perception of the present knowing and not be in a rememberd knowing if I understand you right. What I were saying was.

When there is present knowing then there is a sense of there being awareness, a knowing of what is happening. There is a knowing, presence of things that is happening.

Could you bring youre self to this presence/knowing and see if there is any self/I in that moment of present knowing?

Then you talk about rememberd knowing when things has happend but that have been no present knowing of that wich has happend. It comes as a rememberd knowing later. This may feel as if you have not been present enough or maybe a feeling of you have missed to be fully aware of what has been happening, you have not been fully present with what had been happening.

In the moment, in the gap when there were no present knowing and no rememberd knowing then I said that there were no you there to witness, be aware of what were happening. There may be thoughts happening, writing happening, feeling happening but have a look and see if there is a you there?

Both of these are 2 different experiences that comes and goes. Where is the you that prefers the one over the other experience?

Can you find a you/self in any of these 2 experiences?

Whenever these, or other conclusions or “interesting labels” arise they are not seen as thoughts and therefore simply bypassed…. NO they attach themselves as truth... and what’s worst start laying eggs!!!

Take a moment to look at the stream of thoughts that comes and goes.

Is there a seer of thoughts?
Is there a you that can do anything about the stream of thoughts that comes and goes?
Where is the you, is it seeing thoughts, is it part of the stream of thoughts, is it outside of thoughts?
Do you find any real me/I in thoughts?

Look and answer from what you see not from what you think, belive or assume to be the answer. Answer what is being seen.

[SunDew]

Hi Behzad,
I’m sorry I disappeared for so long. On the outside there has been a very heavy heat-wave which is always difficult for me and leaves me like a zombie.
On the inside a huge sense of being fed up with this whole stuff –because even though this investigation brought a lot of clarification, insights etc, it does seem as if the centre of it all is missing.

“Is there or not a separate self/I” – and yes I just have to admit that I don’t know.

So I just wanted to stop thinking, looking, paying attention. Yes leave me alone its never going to work out.

Direct experience – oh yes amazing stuff that comes and goes on its own. I thought it was a matter of allowing, and it IS but it is not in my hands. It is out of my control.
When it happens there is no I and just a happening of whatever is there – sometimes concerning emotion (just being the emotion) sometimes with movement.
For some reason It seems easier with movement, when walking there is just walking and there seems to be a possibility of controlling it. In the sense that I look, and see that there is just walking.

But when in anger or other heavy stuff - the story doesn’t fall away so easily (sometimes yes- again no control)

This morning however thinking about some stories with some people – it was really obvious how important the “I image” was to me. NO BIG NEWS so far, but the underlying issue is the “need/want” to protect the “I” and keep it safe (I wasn't aware of it)– and maybe this shines light on all the resistance that is there, doubts and so on
Love Sundew

[Behzad]

In youre actual reality right now you have youre 5 senses.
Is seeing having any problem to see?
Is hearing having any problem to hear?
Same thing with Feeling?
Tasting?
Smelling?

All this is happening naturally and easily. Where is the you in all of this?

Thoughts are happening naturally and there is a sense of being. Where are you in all of this?

Have a look to see where in youre experience you can point to and say this is Sundew?

[SunDew]

When there is looking, everything kind of falls into place and is indeed very simple.

As I said, it is with emotions that stuckness happens. These 2 days when something came up (nothing special, better if a little disturbing though) – I looked at it and stayed there. And then most times there was direct experience, and then nothingness. There was no “I” or sense of “I”. As the “stuff” dissolved, awareness/presence was there in the background – no elation, no feeling good because it was as if nothing had happened. The same experience you have with a cloud and its passing by.
Right now no I- just typing.

[SunDew]

Hi,

Last night I was reading a thread, and the guide said “ you can only see it in the now” and it was clear. Funny because so many times it was obvious that there was just seeing, walking etc. without any “I”– and then 5 minutes later when questioning “is there an I” there would be doubt, lostness etc.
What happened yesterday was seeing/realizing that truth can only and forever be now – 2 minutes later it is fiction/imagination where the main character is the “I”. I think that I called it “remembered knowing” because the direct experience was missing and therefore I doubted it.
I was kind of dazed for a while. Some time later doubt arose and it was “JUST A THOUGHT”. Today has gone by pretty smoothly…every now and again attention goes on the movement that is happening, with no effort or particular attention- just noticing. Sometimes I just feel like laughing… then I wonder why it takes so long… seeing it and yet not seeing it completely.
Ok I feel pretty light and content… thank you for your incredible patience, repetitiveness and support

With love Sundew

[Behzad]

Dear Sundew,

Sorry for not being able to answer for a few days. I have had some family issues so I have not had time to answer. Good that things is becoming clearer for you : )

Yes the truth of what is said can only ever be seen now. Right now there is no one here but still things happen and life moves on. Life happens perfectly without the belief in a seperate self.

Has there ever been a self here Sundew?
Can there ever be a self here?