"Your belief and your faith and your opinions and your trust are useless. What you need is honesty. The honesty that asks, "Is this true?" without concern to its consequences. Pondering the ramifications, implications, and results of this is fantasizing and masturbation. Trying to take it down, is also useless, because that's where suicide, homicide, and genocide come from. You don't understand and you come from that perspective to eliminate what you don't agree with. Instead of this, engage with it. Try to get in the mind of someone who absolutely is sure about this. Because as sure as you breathe, that's how sure I am that I don't exist. How could I possibly think that!? 'Tis madness, I know, and I would fain laugh and point at the asylum escapees as you are. I did, not so long ago. I stood in your shoes and marvelled at the insanity of "There is no you.
What's all that supposed to mean? it's all angry words, harming words...I resent you for it all.
how does that point at anything other than your own aggression?
Have you any idea how hard it is to have the time and space to 'look' when there are two small people who constantly call 'mum' this 'mum' that...when there is not time to think let alone think who is thinking. I am constantly in relation to other people who see something called mum ,partner, friend, colleague...i have no time alone to do this navel gazing bollocks. you tell me how to do this in tescos with kids chattering? how did you do it at work with a boss who';s a bully. or did you have time to sit and navel gaze and to lose yourself? did you? You tell me how
here i am and i'm knackered and i don't want to be mum, or girlfriend, or friend or employee...i'm so tired of it all...so tired of called upon tired and resentful and tearful. and tonight i wish there wasn't a me. my jaw hurts where i've clenched my teeth at night i'm so stressed and you're right...i don't clench them...they clench...and so what? it's hurting and it doesn't matter whether I am tired or there is tired...i'm tired and you sit and tell me i'm a coward. how would you know? I'm here aren't i, typing...
i've no idea why
