I would like a guide please

[India]

Thats ok for physical objects, but what about things that cant be seen with the eyes?
How do scientists investigate things that cant be seen? For example, how would they investigate whether a certain colorless odourless gas is hydrogen gas? hydrogen has certain properties, so if this gas exhibits those properties, then it must be hydrogen.

So how would you investigate( look) whether the "I", the self is real? What properties, to you, does the "I" have, and how would you investigate whether these properties are true?
1 property that everyone seems to think the "I" has is that the "I" thinks the thoughts. How would you investigate this?

This is what looking means. It doesnt mean looking with your minds eye or any of that shit, it doesnt mean thinking about it, it doesnt mean meditating on it. it doesnt mean imagine what it would be like if there were no I, it doesnt mean working yourself up into a state of mental bliss or enlightenment.

so..investigate. thoughts are not anything i can see or feel. i can't see my brain creating them.I'm not even sure scientists know how the content of thought comes. its all synapses and neurons and hormones. but there is research that happy thoughts produce happy feelings and happy hormones which lead to health and stressful thoughts lead to stressful feelings and hormones and worse health. and i have found that to be true in my life...when i focus on that positive...i feel better and better stuff happens. i think i chose to make affirmations which make me feel happier and life feels better. who thinks this? what evidence is there that i controlled my thoughts? There were lots of times when i don't control my thoughts when i don't even notice thinking. my hands produce the words here ...well hands and the computer. i don't know how the words get from wherever thought comes from onto the page...nerves, muscles...it all just happens without me needing to understand it..luckily. if i had to understand everything little would happen..how long would it take to understand how to produce the thought then translate it onto the keyboard and then this page. and would biology and IT skills explain it? no. I don't know how these words get onto the page...they just do. i didn't know i was going to think that when i logged in...i just did. i don't even know what the next sentence will be until it comes. can i make it come? did i ask that question? or this one? i can't find where it was created? or why? or even why i'm doing this, other than i am. just as i am sitting in this way, without realising i am sitting this way. my hair grows this way without me needing to control it. it just does it. i don't make it grow.

it means investigate, in reality, see what is really happening, just like a scientist investigates the nature of reality

[India]

So i've just been on FB and emailing and its all just the same whether i believe there is a me or not..it doesn't matter because emails and messages were sent. it kind of doesn't matter if there's no i because it all gets done anyway.

When i was walking with the kids in the woods today, in the rain. instead of there being me here - tree there with a space in the middle...there was me and the tree and a fullness inbetween...very subtle...but not 'nothing' like me and the tree were in relationship to each other and kind of seeing that there could be nothing...that the thought that there is me and then a space and then a tree is not true as there is the tree and the rain and the air and the wind and my son and we're all getting wet, we;re all breathing air, the wind touches us all. i didn't get any mystical union kinds of feeling and maybe it was a thought that 'oh, there is a fullness here, a connection' and in some way the same equality as here in this room, computer, fire, hands, partner still sleeping, rain still raining, fire flickering and if this body died, quietly now, in this chair, so no one noticed...nothing would change, the fire would continue, the rain would still drip, partner would carry on sleeping. and i can't tell you when the rain will stop, when the fire will go out, when he will wake up or when i will fall asleep. i can't control that. a lot of the thinking is about control...or the illusion of..in understanding, controlling. but rain and fire and snoring are happening and it has nothing to do with me, i'm not in control. which is a relief. i don't want to be in control...how can i be. so if i can't control his snoring, or the fire flickering, or the rain dripping, and there is that sense of fullness in the room, and yet also of equality fire, chair, him, me...all objects...then how can i be in control of me? and if i'm not in control of me? who is? I'm not making me grow, i don't make my hair turn white, i don't chose not to like mustard, i didn't control my height. i can't control when i feel sad, when i get mad, when i'm irritable, when i feel love...those feelings are just there. i have tried to make myself love people in the past and it doesn't work. i have tried to make myself hate people, that doesn't work either. if i love,i love. if i'm angry i'm angry. so who is this i who is angry if there is no one controlling it. then there can't be anyone. so then to thoughts, i'm most attached to my thoughts but if i can't find the place they come from, if i can't stop them coming, i can't stop even the doubt coming. as much as i'd like the thinking to stop ...as a good meditator knows it should...but i can't...so if i can't make it stop...i always thought i was crap at meditating...that i should be able to make them stop...but that's a story 'i should be able to make thought stop' who the fuck am i to stop thought stop? I can't make the rain stop so how can i make thought stop? i've tried stopping my thoughts and the buggers keep appearing! like now! here i am...another thought..and another..popping up here and here and here. so there is space for the fire and the rain and the snoring and him and me and thoughts. i didn't create him or bring him into my life but here he is. asleep on the sofa. very simple. he has a body, feelings, thoughts, responses sensations, impulses. i can't see an 'i' in him as he sleeps but he's still there. he'd still be there without an i. i am here without an i. and thought says 'this is just a thought that there is no i' and who thinks that? sleeping, raining, thinking, flickering. sofa wood, red carpet, lego, toy box, me, him all equally here. all as solid. all as real. even though the lego doesn't think it has an 'i' it doesn't make it less real. and he and i, thinking that we have an 'i' doesn't make us more real. thank you

[Rohit]

Hi,
You have made some really nice observations.

So do you mean just watch the thoughts and not worry about them?

the point is not to get lost in the endless flow of thoughts and to find the truth,what is real?? is there really a self?
where is the "i" that thinks?
Thought is constant in your life and always renews and is ever changing.
Can you separate yourself from thought? When you stop thinking are you there?
When you meditate, isn't the goal to cessate thought? But when you cessate thought, there is no you.
This is the value of meditation. It shows the end result of enlightenment. What happens however is that persons mistake meditation to lead to enlightenment. No, it is that single insight which results in enlightenment.

so there is verbs but no subject? typing with no typist, sitting with no sitter, thinking with no thinker....it feels like a fun game...no responsibility required as its just happening and there is no I doing it so there's a sense of relief it it. and i felt a pang on 'you're close' fear...still there in my solar plexus...or just fear in the solar plexus. so looking at the screen with no looker. breathing with no one breathing. fear here. not too big...fear. and breathing and thinking that this is all a game...but you're saying thinking with no thinker so it doesn't matter what i think because there is no i so its just thinking...a habit...part of 'i' think i am a thinker so i need to think about this. but thinking just happening ...a sense of internal laughter..quiet...a giggle...quiet hearing rain, seeing the fire and there doesn't need to be an i do to it. and the thought that i'm not really getting it because i'm not merging, the room isn't pulsing but that's just a thought. not to be taken seriously.

Clearly there is a body, a mind, a heart beating. But no 'you' underneath all these things. It's a lie. A lie you've believed in you're entire life. You believed it because you learnt to, and no one ever asked you to question it. Well i'm telling to you now.
Push this hard. Keep going until you crack it. Your 10 minutes away from liberation.
When baby born - just experience. no assumption of causality.
for example as a baby there was just crying, no you crying.

No you to think, just thoughts
No you to believe, just beliefs
No you to see, just seeing

I'm not even sure scientists know how the content of thought comes

Every moment you are being exposed to multiple stimulus through all your senses.
There are always sounds, sights, smells and sensations of temperature and texture
that your senses are registering.
Whether you are aware of it or not, your attention is constantly being called by
different thoughts that have apparently nothing to do with the situation at the
moment. In fact that is not correct, all thoughts are connected to a current
situation, but the trigger was so quick or in the background that you did not
consciously notice it

i have found that to be true in my life...

Life is happening, and it's not happening because of a you or an I or a me or a my. It's just life, going on, doing its thing.
There never was a you. There isn't a you.

then how can i be in control of me? and if i'm not in control of me? who is?

is there a who?

..those feelings are just there.

Exactly.

i'm most attached to my thoughts but if i can't find the place they come from, if i can't stop them coming, i can't stop even the doubt coming. as much as i'd like the thinking to stop ...as a good meditator knows it should...but i can't...so if i can't make it stop...i always thought i was crap at meditating...that i should be able to make them stop...but that's a story 'i should be able to make thought stop' who the fuck am i to stop thought stop?

There are thoughts, but they aren't 'yours'? Do you really know what i mean here?
Thoughts are thoughts, but not 'yours'.

'You' are a fiction, created by your mind.
'You' are a phantom self. A lie.

SEE,that thoughts follow each other in a string to get something done. isn't it? Now is there an I directing that thought or is "I" just another thought that seems to have extra importance to it?

Take a deep breath, exhale. Relax. Sit back. And just look at what is real. Look at your surroundings. The sights and sounds, the smells, the feelings and sensations and the thoughts. Watch as they all do their thing. And see how there is nothing there making any of that happen. How too, there is nothing creating the thoughts and the feelings and the sensations; doing the seeing, hearing the sounds, beating the heart and pumping the blood, breathing in and out, scratching a nose, registering hunger or thirst. It all just happens.

Just as it always has. It actually is that simple. All that's necessary is to see that the belief "I am doing this" is just a thought, which itself is not being done by anything, but is just a product of a lifetime of conditioning and instruction.

[India]

And i've not been here for a day or two...busy....I keep asking myself where 'i ' am....as a drive, in the bath....i'm still here...i've been asking myself if i'm ready to give up the story...all the ups and downs, all the emotions....the i ask myself who's asking and i don't know...so i don't take the question too seriously...who isn't taking the question seriously....phew...lost tonight

[Rohit]

Hi,
Read the last post once again and let me know what is true?

[India]

Doh...feeling silly...I didn't see there was a second page of posts - me and technology...but then there is no me...so i came onto here last night and thought you hadn't replied and so was kind of relieved...it let me off..but you were here on line and i just thought you weren't which wasn't real. So I've been teaching kids ..one girl C is driving me mad. I 'know' all this stuff about psychology and behaviour change and yet she still drives me mad...in the past i've always felt like a failure when this happens and now i'm thinking 'see, who is in control?' because even a head full of psychology doesn't stop me being wound up by C. Equally...when i'm doing one to one work with kids i don't know what i'm gong to say before i say it and am often amazed that the right thing comes up to say in a way that helps the kids and when shift happens. but i don't plan that...it just happens. i've always thought about that as 'flow' by the Russian guy...effortless effort where time disappears and i have that experience when i'm writing my books, my blogs etc...i have an idea and stuff comes from it. a book wrote itself in 6 weeks...i just had to show up at the keyboard and the book appeared...that was my experience.
when i'm asleep i'm not there. i've been noticing when i drift off to sleep, in the drifting bit, images, thoughts, float through and i know they are nothing to do with me...some of them i don't even recognise of see how they connect with life...they just appear and float through. my dad's creating emotions about the xmas and i can see him do it...and i get pangs of hurt, but the come and go quickly, not like the used to. he's there, doing what he needs to do and i'm here doing what i'm doing and if we cross paths we do.

Clearly there is a body, a mind, a heart beating. But no 'you' underneath all these things. It's a lie. A lie you've believed in you're entire life. You believed it because you learnt to, and no one ever asked you to question it. Well i'm telling to you now.
Push this hard. Keep going until you crack it. Your 10 minutes away from liberation.
When baby born - just experience. no assumption of causality.
for example as a baby there was just crying, no you crying.

No you to think, just thoughts
No you to believe, just beliefs
No you to see, just seeing

This makes sense...i've never thought that there is mind here as well as a heart, blood etc. I understood that there was a brain here...but not a mind too. that's helpful. to there is a mind, but it's not mine. So i always imagined I had to control mind, to stop thinking, to understand my mind...but you're saying there is mind, but it's not mine..which is my experience when i write...that writing comes from somewhere that is not 'i' and yet it comes from my mind...so i thought...just a little possessive pronoun making it all wrong. yes the book came from mind...just not 'my' mind. and it speaks to the people who read it and it touches them. and i know when i'm coaching or working with people, when i'm thinking about me, and what i'm doing, or what people think of me..it's not it, i'm not in the zone is how i've always thought of it. but now you're suggesting that actually i'm out of the zone! out of the way. so i don't have to do anything because stuff just happens. and the reason i'm not getting on with C is that my ego is there, my identity, my 'what will other people think of me', my reputation. but with B..one to one...stuff shifted for him because i was out of the way. one of my friends says before she sees clients she asks god to work through her...i get that. its her getting out of the way
but you're suggesting it's possible to always be out of the way.

And yes you're right with babies..i've seen that with mine. cry, smile, poo, sleep. they don't care what i want to do or what happens next...they feel things intensly now and then it passes. so pain hurts them and then it's gone much more quickly because when the sensation is gone so is the pain, there is no thought about the pain making the pain louder and longer.

So i always thought i had to be calm to be enlightened. to not be reactive. to not have emotions. but you're saying...hang on julie..you don't have emotions because there is no you...there is emotion but its not yours. and that makes sense too because how can i own anger? everyone feels anger..its univeral. i can't control it..it comes up even when i think it shouldn't and hangs around even when its not invited. it kind of does it's own thing.

And the same with desire. one minute it's here and I want him and then next we're drinking tea and there is no desire..just being there together. and sometimes there's no words or thoughts when we're together and i used to think there should be because that's what relationships are meant to be about...communication. but sometimes there is just nothing to think or say..we are just together and there's almost no feeling with that..which sounds bad...because there 'should be love' and there is...and sometimes we're just two people reading the paper and that's it. bodies touching, papers turning, smiles, much more simple than i ever thought it could be

and i have thought it's simple because i don't need him in the same way as i have needed others. i don;t need him to prove that i'm ok or to do stuff for me. he does all that..he does stuff (for me?) but maybe its different because ...ooo dizzy feeling....maybe its different because i'm not there. is that possible? sometimes my needs and wants and insecurities come up but most of the time i do what i do and he does what he does and it's lovely and simple and none of the usual rules seem to apply about talking, and planning and aruging. i don't feel so much that i need to shield myself. i don't feel like there is as much to lose - i thought because i hadn't invested as much in him...but he's here in my house, with my kids, sharing time...the same as the others...but maybe there is no self to invest so its just what it is and its lovely. investment is about the future and its lovely now.

my dad invests in the future and isn't here now. ever.

And beliefs...but not my beliefs...so my beliefs about what it is to be a parent, a worker, a sister, a lover...all of them seem to be getting looser...more fluid... a kind of 'oh well' i'm being this kind of a parent now, this kind of a lover. almost like roles i play. grumpy mum. homework mum, bedtime stories mum, nightmare cuddles mum, tired mum, stressed mum, funny mum. i don't decide which mum i'm going to be...i wish i could if i was in control i'd chose happy, calm peaceful loving mum all the time...but that isn't what happens...even though that is my intention...its not what happens. so the intention is more floaty...intentions used to imply action..i intend to...be a smily mum...but this again is more floaty...oh look there's my intention to be a smily mum floating by as i'm growling at the kids to get their shoes on. there seems to be less judgement. less self judgement...less self to judge i guess. more acceptance of what is.

Every moment you are being exposed to multiple stimulus through all your senses.
There are always sounds, sights, smells and sensations of temperature and texture
that your senses are registering.
Whether you are aware of it or not, your attention is constantly being called by
different thoughts that have apparently nothing to do with the situation at the
moment. In fact that is not correct, all thoughts are connected to a current
situation, but the trigger was so quick or in the background that you did not
consciously notice it

Yes that makes sense...you said it

Even when i'm 'meant to be' doing affirmations or being mindful or meditating..my mind does what it bloody wants...so whose mind is it. if it was a puppy and it didn't come home when i called it and didn't do what i said..would it be my puppy? maybe it would be mine when it was with me. would it? no..because i would know that it wasn't permanently with me so it couldn't be mine. so how can my mind, which i appear to have so little control over, or my feelings, be mine...sometimes they come visit and i notice them but they don't come when i call, i can't call in joy or rage...they come when they want....nor can i send them away...they go when they want. not my puppy. not my thoughts. not my feelings. not my sensations. they do what they goddam do. and so if all that is true there can be no i. just kind of space where stuff passes through.

and so too i had a belief that getting this stuff would be magical. the room merging with me, the lights flashing...tingling sensations...fanfares. but that was just a thought too. this is quiet. bits falling into place, or away from place slowly. me. the clock. the screen. words. thoughts. a bit dizzy. it is what it is. in its own way. its own time. nothing to do with me. i don't need to do anything. not even wait. now a kind of empty feeling in my chest...hollow...a surge of elation. looking at the postcards over there an seeing wiht my whole body..not just my eyes..almost with all of me. fear. now. i need to make a call...will i be able to? i can still stretch. nothing has changed. something has changed.

[Rohit]

Yes, good. Right now. As you describe, keep in mind where "you" fits in in all of the things going on, all of your descriptions. There's looking at a screen, but where are you in that looking? Keep describing.

This is about seeing beyond any doubt that this is true. That there is no 'you' in any way. Do that. check into the 'I' and get free.

what is seeing thoughts arising and passing?

is there an observer?

Don't answer from what you know, or what you read, answer from direct SEEING.

Great work. Keep writing :)

[India]

So I;m feeling guilty for not being here...i've been away to a friends without internet connection...or is that just ego avoiding..or is it just what happens. anyway. i notice that when i'm outside, in nature, alone, it's much easier to be 'part of' things' to see the woman julie walking and being of the same level or value as the trees, the leaves...i can't explain it. the birds watch me and i watch them and i ask myself who is watching and can't find anyone. when I'm with people, with my kids, over the weekend, it's much harder to 'do this' ie to ask myself who is doing it...because i'm just going it...and then after i can see that there was no 'i' doing it, that stuff just happens that involves me....

who is here now ? The thoughts arising are of self-blame for not working hard enough on this (old pattern of working hard). of feeling a failure (ditto old pattern) of not being good enough (old pattern) of not being committed (ditto). so where are the thoughts coming from. from my past. where is that past? in my head. where is 'my'? in this head. are they in the head. i can't prove where thoughts are. maybe they're not in my head. I can't feel them in my head. I can feel food in my stomach, i can feel when i need the toilet. i can physically locate those urges. i can't physically locate thought. i can't feel these thoughts in my body. i can see and feel hands typing and i can 'hear' words as they come up...but there is no sound. so where are thoughts if they are not located physically? i feel breathing, i feel the sensation of my heart beating, i feel sex and sensuality in my body. i can't feel thought. when i write the books, thoughts come through me is how it feels. and now the same. i didn't know i would type this and yet i am. so thoughts are not physical. but neuroscience can see brain centers activating...but that's not the same as seeing blood or shit or milk..there is no actual substance. there is just secondary evidence..behaviours which arise from the thoughts and feelings which arise from the thoughts. so now. there are no emotions. just thoughts. and physical discomfort from eating too much!

then there is a pause with no thoughts. blank. the irony! I can never do that in meditation! a feeling/thought of internal laughter.

where is seeing? this screen...my eyes. seeing the screen needs both of them. seeing is not 'in' me. not 'my' sight, but the connection between the screen and these eyes. how does the eye work> i don't really get the science of it - light reflecting...but this seeing of the screen isn't just light reflecting, there is interpretation of 'screen' as distinct from desk. how do i know they are distinct? i have words for each: desk, computer. i can't take the words away, but suspect that if i did there would be wood and plastic, brown and black. and then if i took those words away what would be left? words.

who made the words? i learned them. i teach them. is the desk really the word? no, of course not. so the word is not the thing. it is a reference to the thing, a pointer. so thoughts are made of words so thoughts are not the thing, they are just the pointers.

[Rohit]

Hi,

Sounds like you're expecting the 'sense of self' to drop away, so that all there is, is unadulterated living.

Well, that is all that there is. Living is always unadulterated by self, but includes (for the purposes of a human being functioning in the world) a 'sense of self' which is produced by the brain.

What looking means is that you see unequivocally that there is no self. And that even when there are doubts,all that is necessary is to look again and it's always true.

You don't have to constantly look, because when you see and KNOW it's true, then it doesn't matter what doubts arise - they are only ever a part of life that is living you, and that's known.

is there a you, a self?

[India]

bugger...it didn't post...i was just saying...that there doesn't seem to be a consistent me in some ways but in other ways there is a central something. so all the roles i've played today, all the tasks i've fulfilled, all the feelings i 've felt. people still recognise me as julie even though i seem to change in terms of what i think and feel and do. so my body is the same and there must be something consistent about my personality as people recognise that too. so from the outside there is something that is coherent enough to be recognised and from the inside roles are played, actions undertaken, and the transitions are sometimes smooth and sometimes noticeable between roles and moods. some times i don't notice myself being there eg when i 'm driving and don 't notice how i go there.

[India]

so then i had the urge to go and hang the washing up (strange i know) so where did that come from because its not very enlightened..hanging up washing...but it needed doing. so who decided that then? and this hot chocolate...who decided to make that. is it habit..i always have hot chocolate in the winter. i first had it when i was a kid...so i have it now. so who decided that? was it my mum who first made me hot chocolate in the winter...am i really just following her conditioning. where is that conditioning? in my head or in the hands that boiled the water and poured it. or in the tongue that tasted it? i can't think any more.my brain's too tired to think and is rebelling. i want to go to bed. where am i who is deciding to go to bed? who cares...just go to bed. bed. associated with sleep...through habit...beds are for sleeping therefore i go there to sleep. i've slept on station floors before with mice running round but i don't have conditioning about that...it was necessary so i did it.

[India]

So i'm being a good girl now and coming back to this again tonight. and it feels a bit unreal..like i'm playing some sort of game about finding out something, solving a mystery...which i know is wrong...it feels like an adventure like harry potter that i'm reading with the kids...trying to find the philosopher's stone. so i know you would ask...who is looking for the stone...so...here i've no idea who but i'm frustrated that i can't find it. it feels like it's here right in front of me but i can't see it for looking. at feels like i'm looking in the wrong place and that somehow i'm making it much more complicated than it is. that all this looking is just tedious and avoids seeing. oooo i'll look here, i'll look there so i don't have to sit still and see. sit still and see. here now. see what...grrrr...i feel frustrated why can't i see what is obvious. its here now but i can't see it. who is this i who can't see it. there is seeing i can see this screen. i feel like i'm going round in circles...when you ask me who is looking i don't know and yet there still is an i. i'm not getting all the blurring stuff i thought you are 'meant to' get where i merge with everything. that's not happening. i feel separate. am i separate? no not really. i'm on this chair, which is on this floor, which is heated by the fire, which heats the air that i breathe and keeps me warm so we're all connected..each object is in realtionship to another and so am i...so why can't i FEEL the 'no me' i see the logic, but it's not settling deeper. so even that thought that there is separation causes separation....it does my head in...i feel stuck...i can predict your questions...who is predicting? who is frustrated...no one...i can't find a 'thing' that holds those things...so why am i still here?

[Rohit]

There is no 'it' to see. You won't 'find it' so to speak. Don't look for 'it'.

The reason seekers don't find is because they believe there will be something to find.

Dont seek, see

Look at the thought and see it as part of reality. Not apart from, but part of. The thought doesn't do anything, or control anything - it's a descriptor only. It describes, it does not prescribe.

You can't understand non-duality or liberation or enlightenment or no-self. You just look and see that whatever is happening is doing so entirely without an orchestrating agent. And that thoughts are just that - part of the scenery, if you will.


What happens in the morning?

"I wake up."

Is that true? Check your experience. (that's what's meant by LOOK)

Is there an I that wakes up the body? Or does the body wake up, then recognition or thought of an "I" happen a few seconds afterward?

Which comes first? Why?

[India]

Rohit, I'm sorry I haven't been here ( i get the irony)...there's so many reasons, some of them practical ie kids, home etc...but lots of it is to do with this ...
all that you ask above i can 'see' ...i understand that when i drift to sleep i feel 'me' fade and images, some really real flood my brain and i have no control over them, nor do i recognise their content. the alarm goes off and 'i' wake too suddenly - there is a jolt as i become conscious.

I can't do this this way. you ask me to look and i yes i get that there is no me...but i don't experience it and your questions don't break through what i guess is the mind stuff which answers that.

this is so abstract. I know nothing about you, you ask nothing about me...there is no relationship and it all feels too flat, i can;'t connect to what you're saying, asking.

Sorry...i'm not sure this is the way i can do this...it feels repetative...same kind of questions, same kind of looking, nothing changing

[Rohit]

Your belief and your faith and your opinions and your trust are useless. What you need is honesty. The honesty that asks, "Is this true?" without concern to its consequences. Pondering the ramifications, implications, and results of this is fantasizing and masturbation. Trying to take it down, is also useless, because that's where suicide, homicide, and genocide come from. You don't understand and you come from that perspective to eliminate what you don't agree with. Instead of this, engage with it. Try to get in the mind of someone who absolutely is sure about this. Because as sure as you breathe, that's how sure I am that I don't exist. How could I possibly think that!? 'Tis madness, I know, and I would fain laugh and point at the asylum escapees as you are. I did, not so long ago. I stood in your shoes and marvelled at the insanity of "There is no you."

And then I sat and, said fuck it, and thought. "How could someone possibly think that I don't exist?" I redirected that question away from myself so many times before, asking it as "How could they not exist? Does the world exist? What is real?" This time, I pointed it inward. I addressed myself.

"There is no you," I said to myself.

"What does it mean?" I replied.

And I looked, and I looked, as I had looked and been looking. Only this time I tried seeing it as if it were true, instead of bashing it, and fighting against it, and vehemently asserting myself.

"Okay. What if...there's no me? Describe. If there wasn't me, then it doesn't matter what happened because there isn't a me that could be harmed. All of this would be extravagantly pointless. All there is then is seeing that this is happening. No me. Only seeing that is taking place? Can I say that I'm the seeing? Eliminate yourself from the equation. The seeing is being seen.

__

I see it."

I wasn't done yet. I still had to pull on the thread to see what it unravelled. That was the first real glimpse of it, however. I had to pull and hammer and toss and turn just a little more, but that was the crack that opened it up.

"What if?"

Now it's your turn.

Face it. Stop trying to believe this. Simply face it.

Because right now, you're not honest. Right now, you're still dancing around it, poking at it with a stick. You dear madame, are a coward. If you were honest, you'd face this full on, and straight up, and wrestle with it. You're standing behind the screen of your beliefs, not exposing yourself to the possibility of it being true.

Face it. See what it's like. I challenge you.


Love,
--Rohit