jacki

[Anastacia42]

Okay. Remember emotions are Sensation with a thought story. There is no need to believe the story.

I recommend The Work for relief from any story that is causing you suffering.

www.thework.com

Can you say 100% there's is no separate "self?

Loving

[Quincy]

Can you say 100% there's is no separate "self?

The "self" comes and goes like thoughts or with thoughts, so it can't be what I am. When I look and inquire it doesn't point back to anything that's findable. All I can say is I can't find it. There are thoughts and sensations. Not much bothers me.
I don't expect to find one, that's for sure. What appears to be a self is conditioning, thoughts, memories, an idea.
I still feel like I am at the center of experience, if that makes sense.

[Anastacia42]

The "self" comes and goes like thoughts or with thoughts,

Impossible. There is no "self." It is a made up illusion.

What appears to be a self is conditioning, thoughts, memories, an idea.

That's better. Yes. Nothing but thought content.

I still feel like I am at the center of experience, if that makes sense.

We call that "awareness" or "consciousness." It is *not* a "self. " Don't try to make it one.

Have you experienced any shift in perception?

"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation makes us accident prone."

Sunryu Suzuki

We cannot predict it and we cannot make it happen. We can only practice the conditions in which it is more likely.

This frustrates the mind because it wants everything to be linear and logical and step-by-step, but this is not. It is non linear and unpredictable.

Loving,

[Quincy]

Have you experienced any shift in perception?

Like the one I had a few weeks ago that didn't last? No, nothing like that.
I am staying relaxed and alert. There is a lot of presence, not always, but more and more.

[Anastacia42]

Like the one I had a few weeks ago that didn't last? No, nothing like that.

Yes. That will come & go. Has it happened again?

Loving

[Quincy]

Yes. That will come & go. Has it happened again?

No, it hasn't happened again. I feel like I'm right on the edge, but who knows?
Of course I would like it to happen again, but I know I can't make it happen. So I continue to mediate and inquire. I never watch TV anymore or even read books like I used to. it just feels all like mind stuff. Except for comedy. I love a good laugh. I read the news only a little; there's nothing I can do about any of it.

This is where I feel like I am - The video is called The Spiritual Desert. It's Angelo Dilullo. Watch it if you have a few minutes.

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

It *is* just mind stuff. I've mostly stopped reading, too.

First I want to tell you that I had a real taste of awakening yesterday. All I can say about it is that it was obvious that it was already here and I laughed out loud, just as you said. It did not last long but that's ok. I know that it's here and I will find my way through. It was not a realization of no self, just a realization of the presence that's already here. This is the only was I can describe it. It was pre-verbal. There were really no words for it except that it was obvious and in a way nothing special. I had a little bit of an exhilarating feeling but that passed.

Actually, that*is* a realization of no self. It *is* pre-verbal. It *is* * presence that's already here."

So when you saw that Santa Claus was just a man in a red suit, did you insist that he remove the suit over and over again or did you know from then on that any "Santa" was just a man in a red suit?

Why do you need to see it again?

Loving

[Quincy]

I realized I didn't share the link of the video, The Spiritual Desert. It's only 5 minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ghbrv_jGO8Q

So when you saw that Santa Claus was just a man in a red suit, did you insist that he remove the suit over and over again or did you know from then on that any "Santa" was just a man in a red suit?

If I answer this question directly, of course I would know that any "Santa" was just a man in a red suit. So I don't know what my problem is. Actually this makes me think of something that happened to me recently. I was almost the victim of a scam and my husband pointed out to me that it was a scam but I didn't believe him at first. I must be very stubborn! I guess it's just a personality trait.

Why do you need to see it again?

It only lasted a short while and then it closed back up again because I was not able to rest in it. My mother was coming over!
I thought there would be a honeymoon period and I could rest in it for a while. I can't say that I feel exactly the same as before this experience, but almost the same. I know now that awakening is possible. That's what has changed. Something changed but it was so brief. I had an expectation based on others experiences and I guess that's what's tripping me up and not trusting my own experience. This is actually why I prefer to not watch videos of other people's awakenings, even though I do sometimes. The mind wants to compare and it's not good.

I don't think this experience was an authentic awakening. I don't know! I think it was a glimpse or a taste. Am I wrong? I don't know if it really matters. if I keep thinking about it then I'm just up in my head. The process is underway and it's maturing. I am patient. The "work" I have to do is clear to me. It's very subtle at this point.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, you're into expectations.

can't say that I feel exactly the same as before this experience, but almost the same.

Yes, we aay nothing changes, but everything changes after awakening.

You wake up when you are immersed in this present moment, the only thing that is true. You "lose it" the minute you leave the present or believe an untrue thought, such as how you have to be for your mother.

Did I give you these?

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ksba3zhi9uuz ... hsk1a?dl=0

I watched the video. Is that where you feel you are?


Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

It also can focus you solidly in this moment.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Keep posting. Let me know when you have another shift.

Loving

[Anastacia42]

From Vince's most recent post. I like it.

https://vinceschubert.substack.com/p/wh ... d&r=54ufin

Loving,

[Quincy]

I watched the video. Is that where you feel you are?

Yes, it feels like that, but feels like something is shifting as well. My ability to rest in presence is growing.

I like Vince's song. It seems like the resources I need come right on time. Angelo has a silent sitting group Sunday mornings with different facilitators for meditation and Q & As. Yesterday there was a man who was dealing with the same thing I'm dealing with - expectations. The facilitator was a Zen Buddhist Nun who is part of the Simply Always Awake community. She was very helpful.

Thank you for the exercises. They are helpful! You gave me some other Dropbox resources as well. I have lots to look at but what seems like the most powerful practice for me right now is resting in Being, in the present moment. Paying attention to all my movements, sounds and whatever is appearing. And inquiring when it feels right. I will keep you posted!

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

Perfect, Jacki.

Loving,

[Quincy]

Hi Stacy,

I hope your week is going well.

There's a lot of presence.

When I inquired if there was a separate self there was a contraction in the chest. It felt like a lie.

Love,
Jacki

[Anastacia42]

Yes, all well here.

It felt like a lie.

There's a very good reason for that! It IS a lie!

Can you say 100% there's no separate self?

Loving

[Quincy]

Can you say 100% there's no separate self?

I can say 100% that if I look for the next 20 years I'm not going to find one. Weird thing is, I'm not sure what "no self" is supposed to feel like. I haven't had another shift like the one I had before, but if I refer back to the past there's a world of difference in identification. I feel much lighter. There's still a body, thoughts, sense perceptions. I still get lost in thought.

This quote makes me smile:
Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9 percent of everything you think, and everything you do, is for yourself-
and there isn't one."
- Wei Wu Wei

If I thought there was a self this would bother me, wouldn't it?