What knows that another wave of fear appeared?
Don’t answer anything you’ve learned or thought. Just look! Is there actually a watcher there? Someone who is aware?
No, it’s known as soon as it’s here, and the label of fear goes on top. I see a looker, it looks like the looker comes at the same time that the label comes on and decides what the appearance is from a perspective of someone who sees and knows what it is. The watcher still tags to tension in head. It’s sneaky like can be hard for me to realize it’s there
Or is there simply the appearance of fear, and simultaneously the appearance of knowing it?
See if those are really two.
There isn’t two, which is very confusing , or leads to confusion. Fear but not as much.
What are the components of the label ‘anguish’?
What sensations and thoughts arise together ?
not good enough and someone thinking I’m not good enough are separating out, and it’s really the worry that someone thinks that and would lead to some kind of catastrophic event like being shunned from society , and sensations shift, initially densities moving around my torso with tensions in response to that and also heartrate increasing, then pockets and waves of air like energies shifting out of the body
What exactly is it asking to receive?
A better life? Certainty? Love?
It wants all of those things, and most of all security, certainty that it’ll be safe and that life will go the way it wants. It wants absence of appearances it’s labeled as negative emotions .it believes it shouldn’t have to “suffer”, and it’s still conflating labels of appearances as suffering. Helpful to see it’s right, it doesn’t have to suffer, it’s just misunderstanding what that looks like. Any appearance can be okay as long as its label is seen through.. it’s trying to figure out how to make that happen but it seems it’s just a process and it shifts over time as it sees through it more times
Keep looking… see? Every answer the mind gives is another object.
Easier to see with better life and love, that they’re appearances that are kind of like any other appearance from one perspective. With certainty, it’s both a sensation labeled as safety wanted, and also some idea that what i want will happen, which seems to means.. the appearance arrange in how i want them to. That loosens it up a little. And even before that, things goes how I want them to go just seems like a pipe dream. I don’t have that kind of control over what happens. It doesn’t even appear I have much control over what i do. Or i can see that i don’t when i look but still hazier out by clinging to fear-labeled appearance, resistance to : life will just play out as it does. Want more than that. To have a story that was “mine” and controlled by me. But some acceptance settling in of looks like it’s just not how this life works. It’s trying to hold onto something it gets out of this, like okay it’ll just do whatever it wants, but if i see that and then there’s no resistance then i actually don’t have to suffer. Seems Iike another project. I guess just whatever happens will happen, including resistance and suffering, and there’s no promises of what “I’ll” get from it
Can the one asking actually be found?
No, it’s just an ask, just a question with a feeling
I have a suspicion that what you’re calling “nothingness” isn’t empty in the sense of lacking something. Perhaps it is empty of self? That would be why it initially feels lonely and impersonal. The old reference point isn’t there…
Yes, i think that’s it
Don’t rush past the grief or anger. The system needs to adjust to the loss of a strategy it relied on for a very long time. It is like a rebalancing or recalibrating.
And, on a conventional level, it could be supportive to process through some of these feelings (like the persistent belief of not being good enough) with a therapist. This wouldn’t be counter to this work you are doing to get underneath these appearances.
Great, that makes sense. I’m in therapy, though mostly just using it to feel through feelings
