realizing selflessness

[Anastacia42]

Ok. You're stuck thinking you have a choice.

Please look very. very closely again. Slow it down.

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Loving

[whoknows]

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves?

They seemed to just appear.

If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

I didn't seem to "choose" them. It was more like I was discovering them.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Hmm . . . Pondering the preferences probably receded a bit into the background, but I'm not sure. If that happened, it wasn't because I chose it. And if it didn't, that wasn't because I chose it either.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

I suppose all I directly experienced was a series of thoughts that arose. (I assume that's the "right" answer, but I'm trying to really be honest about how it seems to me.) It was the type of series of thoughts that we call "choosing" or "making a decision," but perhaps it's really more like witnessing a decision being made. The part that felt the most like "I" was "willing" something was when I tried to complicate things by deciding I'd reach for the option I didn't prefer, but I suppose that was also just happening and being witnessed.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

If there are more positive "feelings" about option 1 than about option 2, then that could lead to option 1 being chosen, but that doesn't mean the feelings "chose." A feeling can't choose.

[Anastacia42]

Good. "Choice" is just a story we tell after things happen. Pay good attention to this.

How does it FEEL to see to this?


Loving,

[whoknows]

How does it FEEL to see to this?

Not like anything in particular.

I was in college when I realized that free will makes no sense, so it's a familiar idea. But back then, this idea scrambled my brain and kind of freaked me out, and I decided to just forget about it. So it's nice to discover that really looking at this could be helpful for awakening.

[Anastacia42]

Please check again for Sensations. They can be important. Review the truth lie pointer & watch Penille talk about it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n6RnrkOD7 ... phAoK764
Loving,

[whoknows]

Please check again for Sensations. They can be important.

I'm not very skilled at noticing my own feelings/sensations (related to being autistic maybe?), and I especially think there's little hope of my remembering or reconstructing them after the fact. But I do understand how this can be important, and maybe I can somehow work on it?

Review the truth lie pointer & watch Penille talk about it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n6RnrkOD7 ... phAoK764

I reviewed the pointer about truth and lies — about how one feels certain sensations when one lies (knowingly). The sensations I noticed when doing that exercise were that I was constricting my breathing, maybe had some tightness in my chest, was tensing my jaw a bit, and felt a tightness or lump in my throat.

And Pernille talks about the "body yes" and "body no" as detectible bodily sensations regarding what you want and don't want when you need to make a decision.

Please check again for Sensations. They can be important.

OK, so I should check again for sensations regarding . . . seeing that "choosing" is just a story we tell ourselves about what's happening (a "lie" in some sense)?

Pernille's video assumes that we can sensibly talk about choosing among options and we can check with our body — looking for a "body yes" or a "body no" — about what we really want. So how I am applying that here?

[Anastacia42]

Pernille may have a video about autism & awakening

how I am applying that here?

That was explained in the instructions. .

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Loving,

[whoknows]

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

OK, so even though Pernille was talking about the "body yes" and "body no" in relation to choosing what you actually want, I think you're talking more generally about noticing body sensations, which can also reflect what we think is true or false, including the notion of there actually being a "chooser" or a "self." Right? I'll try to remember to keep an eye on such sensations.

And I'll keep on doing ButtChair, yeah?

[Anastacia42]

Yes & yes.

we think is true or false,

Correction: what IS true or false.

Loving,

[whoknows]

we think is true or false,

Correction: what IS true or false.

Really? I'm thinking about how what lie-detectors do is to detect when you think you're telling a lie. If you sincerely believe the earth is flat, and you say, "The earth is flat," a lie-detector won't flag that as a lie because your body won't be giving off any signals that you're lying.

So if someone says, "I chose this drink instead of the other one," it seems to me that there won't be any bodily sensations that there's something false about that statement or that they're telling a "lie" if they genuinely believe (as I presume nearly everyone does) that "I" "chose."

OK, but I'm now realizing, as I type this out, that even though I think and behave nearly all of the time like "I" exist and am a "chooser," I can give intellectual assent to the idea that there's no "I" or "chooser," so maybe some teeny tiny part of me might flag those ideas as false?

Anyhow, gonna do some ButtChair now . . .

[whoknows]

10 minutes of ButtChair:
Felt resistance at first to doing it, but simply noticed the sensations and let them be and tried to let go of associated thoughts.
Noticed yet again how I seem to have trouble focusing on these particular sensations, but in the last couple of minutes, I was settling in a bit.
(Also noticed yet again that I need to work on my glutes because I don't have suitable cushioning for sitting comfortably on hard chairs.)

[Anastacia42]

maybe some teeny tiny part of me might flag those ideas as false?

There are no "parts, " much less tiny ones. That's a just a story that therapists made up. It is a thought. Almost all thoughts are untrue.

This gut feeling goes beyond what you think. Don't believe me. Test it for yourself. I've been using it for over 60 years. Animals have their own versions.

You could practice the meditations in the dropbox, especially "Where is 'I?''"

We don't care about the sensations as much as the fact there's no separation. Non-dual. One, not two.

Loving,

[whoknows]

maybe some teeny tiny part of me might flag those ideas as false?

There are no "parts, " much less tiny ones. That's a just a story that therapists made up. It is a thought. Almost all thoughts are untrue.

What I meant was just that if I were to, say, tell a loved one a big lie, the “lie sensations” would be obvious, but if I were to say, “I chose a Diet Coke rather than water,” I think there would be no lie sensations at all or maybe just barely perceptible lie sensations.

This gut feeling goes beyond what you think. Don't believe me. Test it for yourself. I've been using it for over 60 years. Animals have their own versions.

OK. I’ll keep an eye out.

You could practice the meditations in the dropbox, especially "Where is 'I?''"

I’ll take another look at that one.

We don't care about the sensations as much as the fact there's no separation. Non-dual. One, not two

Yes. But When I came up with little tricks that I thought would point toward that, like “being” the sensations or seeing if I could bring together or see through the separation between “subject” (witness in head) and “object” (sensations “down”in the butt, you seemed to think those were too think-y. So I didn’t know what to do other than just attend very carefully to the sensations. Suggestions?

[Anastacia42]

Just. LOOK.

What I meant was just that if I were to, say, tell a loved one a big lie, the “lie sensations” would be obvious, but if I were to say, “I chose a Diet Coke rather than water,” I think there would be no lie sensations at all or maybe just barely perceptible lie sensations.

Find out for yourself. You seem to like busy work that distracts you from just LOOKING, so check this.

Review this, please.

https://youtu.be/wyNwhK2Ur1c?si=TZwuFEst-7Hsadpu

and this

https://liberationunleashed.com/resourc ... ar-seeker/

Loving,

[whoknows]

Did another 25 minutes of ButtChair. Mind quieter than this morning. Kept reminding myself not to grab onto thoughts. Ended up feeling like I was in the open, quiet awareness of self-inquiry but with a special attention to butt-on-chair sensations (with excursions into thoughts, of course).