I want to see this!

[ManicMonk]

Hello Becca!

My thanks to the hacker who tried to remove the forum and take it hostage for Bitcoin that one day, who sent out an admin mail as well. That made me look again. I was kind of sad that he hacked it, but I'm happy that the admins brought it back, and I thought - Hey, i'd really like to continue that now!

I'm back for a bit. I've been around... Carnival took longer than expected :)

Basically, I've been busy. I was good, but I've been a bit on a treadmill and also kind of chilling because of my initial impression and understanding after reading Jet and Ilona's books.

Feeling something pop and getting the first layer of understanding, what is meant with "no self" and not being in control, was kind of an unlock. It's kind of cool.

So I'm riding that wave, but I wouldn't say that I understand everything everybody's talking about. I'm kinda observing, for example, the story of me, seeing me, interpreting, having the mind active and interpreting and thinking. One thing I'm looking at.

And sometimes looking, trying to feel into the presence of the now, into the famous presence, peace, and so on of every being, there everywhere all the time. Can't say I kind of got that yet, neither intellectually nor practically?

If it would be something feelable, a presence, wouldn't that in itself be a perception again? Like, being a perception and thus being something perceived in a way? You catch my drift.

I'm enjoying existence. I'm thinking about how I treat reality as a whole.

Because the Jed, which was my initial guide, is a lot about all this matrix and dream state stuff, right?

Which kind of speaks to me. I don't know why, but because I:

I like this kind of concepts and thinking, and it's really crazy to me.

Maybe a little bit because of a towards depression, maybe, and feeling isolated, or maybe it's just something I noticed early on already - It's a little bit like the whole meaninglessness or emptiness of the whole thing. It can go both ways, right? Sometimes it feels like, "I'm just tired and I'm not taking it seriously." But it can also be very nice and freeing as experimenting. I feel kind of detached from the whole thing a little bit. I just can't take everything very seriously (- until I have a toothache, obviously! Those kind of suck).

Which is, for example, why my wife's job is now to put me back to my feet here. I have to, because I'm right now, I'm the breadwinner in the family. I kind of can't just let go of it all, or don't want to, whatever you call it, whoever is doing it.

Right now, I feel it's my responsibility to keep on making some money, making dough so my family is cared for. I'm still in that somehow. Does that make sense? Is that a good thing? I think it is.

I haven't found an alternative yet - so for now I'm gonna continue doing that! With my own spin on it, probably.

I am going to try to throw in a little bit of anarchy of the mind and enjoyment of the whole process while I'm there.

Sorry, I'm just rambling on here. How are you doing? I'm still here.

Did you notice the forum going away? Any tips for me, like how to become one with the unified field? Otherwise, I'm just gonna chill and enjoy, try to be better, be more myself, less stress and more present, as usual! :)

All the best. Have a great time and - and that's it! :)

[graceabounds]

Hello dear Daniel,

Very nice settling in here.

What you are describing is trying to reconcile two things.
1 nothing matters
2 I am responsible
They are both stories. Could they exist outside of thought? Notice what is here in direct experience: emptiness when not given that label is tasted as freedom.

Where is that one who ‘keeps it together’? Or who doesn’t take it seriously?

This whole functioning of working, caring, earning etc etc IS it actually a burden being carried? Or is it just happening, with thoughts occasionally claiming ownership?

Can you catch the moment of control?

Who is responsible?

Hopefully site is resurrected, but will message you my email address just in case. :)

Much love,
Becca

[ManicMonk]

Hi Becca!

Ok, thank you! I'm gonna chew on this! :)

Thank you for the email too! I'll be in touch! :)

[graceabounds]

❤️

[ManicMonk]

Hi! :D

I'm back in town! But you're Becca! (more back!)

Hi! So i've written the whole thing on a virtual typewriter today, which was real fun :P

-> for your inconvenience and nostalgia i've attached that as an image on a separate email.

I've also tried to clean up the text and will add it here as well.

This is the same text as in the email though, you only have to read one of these two :)

------------------

You wrote:
> What you are describing is trying to reconcile two things.
> 1 nothing matters
> I am responsible.
> They both are stories. Could they exist outside of thought? Notice what is here in direct
experience. Emptiness when not given that label is tasted as freedom.

"Emptiness, when not given that label, is tasted as freedom"
-> OMG! : D
That's a good one. I'll think about this.

> This whole functioning of working, earning etc - is it actually a burden being carried? Or is it just happening
without with thoughts k occasionally claiming ownership?
> Who is responsible?

:Who indeed?: :D

Ok! I think that made a little nickel drop for me. In regards to the thinking / thinking what's real / the "Story"
so famously quoted...

And perhaps that's the what the whole finger pointing at the moon / Jed saying "Thought destroys all things" -
your parents aren't "real", the moon isn't "real" etc are pointing at?

Everything is framed by the mind to be grappled with, mentally. But none of that is true per se - it's all wiggles,
as Alan Watts calls it. We can't be sure what it is - waves, impressions; perceptions; atoms or not - atoms aren't real by the way? :D

They are all just boxes around concepts.

But then we start going all haywire on these boxes and teach our kids to use words for the be things and to express
what they see and we learn to think in the abstract. And then we start stopping to see the "forest" and start zooming in on individual trees.

And then we spend a lot of time in that abstraction land.

But it's not real, and it's not direct experience.

But also - that doesn't really seem to bother me _quite_ as much; - perhaps because that distinction has been clear
to me for a long time? -> It's just sometimes hard to actually SEE past the words and abstractions. The mind(tm) has the tendency to "get in the way" so to speak.
But yeah - Mama's still real, she's just not here right now, and she's not the concept. And when i'm with her I can have direct experience of giving her a hug.
Not sure what all the drama is about in Jed- thoughts destroying the universe? What the heck.
Perhaps i'm not there yet? Perhaps i'm still missing a piece.

So far I have collected these nuggts on my journey:
- Me myself isn't really a thing, though "I" still behave as if I do.
- perception is there though, implying awareness of those perceptions, implying awareness. Which also seems like a bit of philosophical wankery to me, pardon my spanish, but perhaps it's good for something? :D HELLO THERE, AWARENESS! :D
- Thought is happening and likes to think and be used to work with the "stuff" we circle around in our mental machinations - i'm pretty good at that and seem to enjoy this - AKA "knowledge work" or "software development". Lots of words and machinations. My jam! : D

- Everything being words and abstractions around some... elementary soup doesn't bother me? Isn't that like... Iogical? Captain?
- "Emptiness, when not given that label, is tasted as freedom" - Elementary, Dear Mr Watson! That is a really cool expression.
And i'm all here for it!!: D
-> Though this might have to be confirmed through direct experience before taken as gospel - The Gospel of Becca(tm)!
-> Thus meaning "bractice living in the now; experiencing life as-is", stop being in your head all the time.

Yes. I get that! : D

Am I DONE? : D

NO!

> WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?

WHY SO SERIOUS, Becea? Why does there have to be someone responsible after all? : D

OK! _I_ asked for that!

So yeah - i'm looking. At what is. And sometimes there is... silence. Some days more than on other days.

Still feels like i'm kinda - sometimes it feels like i'm "pushing away" thoughts to keep them down / from taking over.
Which sometimes feels like sticking my fingers into the ears into my mental head and singing "la la la" in order to not hear it : P

But yeah - That's where I am.

Here I went so here I am.

Hope that makes sense... should I be focusing / looking at something specific? Eg the one / none feeling "responsible"?

Let me know. Hope i'll write more regularly, if not more coherently. That is to be seen and experienced! :)

Thank you for for your support

Daniel

[graceabounds]

Still feels like i'm kinda - sometimes it feels like i'm "pushing away" thoughts to keep them down / from taking over.
Which sometimes feels like sticking my fingers into the ears into my mental head and singing "la la la" in order to not hear it : P

Can you push thoughts away? Are you able to ignore them? Much easier to just see through them…

Or to sit in the gap between them without minding as they pass by:)

It's just sometimes hard to actually SEE past the words and abstractions. The mind(tm) has the tendency to "get in the way" so to speak.

Yes when you are looking from the words and abstractions it is hard. So Look, don’t think :)

Wherever you are sitting right now, look for an object to use. Don’t pick up the object or turn it around, only look at what can be seen without touching it or turning it.

Now look at it and describe what you see. Give yourself a bit of time with it. Just look, nothing else.

Now describe the back side of the object.
How is it known what the back side looks like?
What tells what it looks like?
How can it be known that there is a back at all? That the object is 3D?
Can this be known in direct experience?

Can an object be known at all?

perception is there though, implying awareness of those perceptions, implying awareness. Which also seems like a bit of philosophical wankery to me, pardon my spanish, but perhaps it's good for something? :D HELLO THERE, AWARENESS! :D

Stop philosophizing then. Can anything be implied without a thought?

Is there effort required for perception to happen?

Is there a super self big Awareness Man image behind what is simply seen, heard, tasted etc?

Better to collect no nuggets. That too is the illusion.