realizing selflessness

[whoknows]

Let me know how it FEELS to be so present to your senses.

I did two minutes each of “I see,” then “I hear,” and then “I feel.” (There was nothing at the moment to smell or taste.) At first, it felt a little . . . well, frenetic is too strong a word, maybe more like restless, because I was trying to keep finding new things to see. When I got to hearing, there were only three main sounds, so I cycled through them. Then, when I got to feeling, I realized I didn’t need to keep finding new things. I could repeat one thing over and over for a bit, like “I feel my breath in my nostrils.” Then it felt more calm.

[Anastacia42]

Good Do that at least once a day until you can really relax into being present to your senses & not restless.

Loving .

[whoknows]

Did about ten minutes of ButtChair (longer than usual). Noticed thoughts, returned to sensations of butt on chair, noticed thoughts, returned to sensations, noticed thoughts, returned to sensations, . . . Like following the breath but with different sensations as the anchor point.

Another round of see/hear/feel (again, nothing to smell or taste): Settled in more this time. And I was sitting in a comfy chair looking out at bird feeders, so there was a lot of “I see birds” and “I hear birds,” which was pleasant.

But, hey, it now occurs to me, wouldn’t it be better to drop the “I” and do “Seeing birds,” “Hearing birds”?

[Anastacia42]

Good work. You're starting to relax into the practice.

But, hey, it now occurs to me, wouldn’t it be better to drop the “I” and do “Seeing birds,” “Hearing birds”?

Yes. Even better: just Seeing. Hearing.

Loving

[whoknows]

While driving this evening, I noticed that after today’s two short sessions of seeing/hearing/feeling and one of ButtChair, I was a little more apt to pay attention to my physical sensations than I probably would've been otherwise.

Just did another round of seeing/hearing/feeling — two minutes each. I like how the explicit labeling in this practice helps to curtail drifting off into thought, as long as I do it aloud or at least subvocalize it. (It doesn’t seem to help quite so much if I just try to think the labels.) That did lead to the amusing phenomenon of my saying things like, "Hearing myself say, 'Hearing the air-conditioner.'"

Again, thank you for all your time and effort helping me and others!

[Anastacia42]

You're welcome.

Remember that we are looking for a shift in perception.

Loving,

[whoknows]

Remember that we are looking for a shift in perception.

You bet. That's what I'm here for.

Awakening is the only thing on my bucket list, which is why you hear from me so often.

I don't really get how spending a little bit of time each day attending to sensations is going to make me more “accident-prone” regarding that shift in perception, but I imagine you'd tell me I don’t need to understand it, and I’m going to keep doing it anyhow (along with self-inquiry, which seems a little more explicable as way to become more accident-prone).

I promise not to post again until tomorrow, even if you post again tonight. :-)

[Anastacia42]

You're fine. Guiding is the only job I have so it's kind of the same for me.

Being in the present moment is all you need. Attending to sensations put you there.

Thinking will not do it.

I'm sure I've shared this.

https://youtu.be/wyNwhK2Ur1c?si=TZwuFEst-7Hsadpu

Loving,

[whoknows]

Did 9 minutes of seeing hearing/hearing/feeling (3 minutes for each sense).

Whispering “Seeing/hearing/feeling _______” to myself was so helpful for keeping me from getting lost in thoughts that I decided to try it with ButtChair. At first, I used “Feeling sensations,” but then I realized that that was redundant, since they wouldn’t be sensations if they weren’t felt, so I switched to just “Sensations.”

After my planned 5 minutes of that, I felt like I was just starting to settle in, so I did another 5 minutes. This time, I only whispered “Sensations” when I noticed my attention drifting away (like how a “sacred word” is used in the Christian practice of centering prayer). So "Sensations" was a reminder to myself and an intentional return to the anchor point of this practice. (This is different, in an interesting way, from how the label "Thinking" is used in some Buddhist meditation practices to acknowledge having been lost in thought.)

Then I did 5 more minutes of that.

And then I did 5 more minutes, mostly dispensing with the "Sensations" reminder.

Do you think it's important that my attention rarely stays with the sensations for more than 5 to 10 seconds before wandering away? Is there any point, for what we're doing here, in cultivating the ability to keep my attention in one place for longer than that?

[Anastacia42]

No. This is is not about length of time. Or scheduled practice. Those preoccupations could actually prevent your seeing.

It only takes a few seconds of being present in this moment to see.

You sound a bit obsessed with schedules. I'd drop that.

RELAX. Maybe try looking spontaneously off schedule for brief periods of time. Maybe even take a couple of days off.

Loving,

[whoknows]

It only takes a few seconds of being present in this moment to see.

RELAX. Maybe try looking spontaneously off schedule for brief periods of time. Maybe even take a couple of days off.

OK. Great.

No need to respond to this, but:
It seems too easy. If it's so easy, why don't more people see it? Surely, many people occasionally spend a few seconds in the present moment — or don't they? Or is it important to first have some understanding of no-self so that you have a sense that what you're seeing is that the supposed "self" isn't there?

Whatever. I'll trust your guidance on this.

[Anastacia42]

Because we are constantly thinking and constantly believing the thought that there's a self when there isn't.

[whoknows]

Just checking in.

Didn't do any ButtChair or seeing/hearing/feeling today, and had trouble getting in the groove of any self-inquiry. Felt a little lost and listless and frustrated. YouTube algorithm offered the Angelo DiLullo video "When Will it Finally End??" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ML_QJfJaKHY) — i.e., the suffering, the struggle, this process. It fit with what I was feeling and gave me a good cry.

[Anastacia42]

Okay. Sorry you're frustrated. You can't make it happen. It has barely been 2 months.

Here is something Ilona wrote:

https://bit.ly/49rTagF

Let go.

Loving,

[whoknows]

Although it’s been less than two weeks at LU, it was almost forty years ago that I started on the path of awakening. After about three years of serious Buddhist practice, I got stuck and confused and practiced only sporadically until I started to get unstuck just in the past several years. In the meantime, I studied religion academically, especially Christianity and Buddhism, became a Catholic, wrote about Zen, and have been teaching world religions and basic Zen practice, even when I was hardly doing any Zen practice myself. My life has felt pervaded by dukkha (suffering/dissatisfaction) for forty years now. And . . . I’m crying again (which is fine).

Last night, during my regular, late-night meditation time with my spouse, I started with a little ButtChair, then realized that returning again and again from my wandering thoughts to the physical sensations felt too effortful and practice-y, so I settled into a bit of what’s called shikantaza in Zen and what Angelo DiLullo calls “natural meditation” but what I like thinking of lately as “do nothing” practice, per Adyashanti’s video “Do Nothing” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYQ1jtDSauo). That was the right thing for then.

Will ponder Ilona's article and comment later.