I'd like to speak to the manager

[jefe2060]

ME:
"What is it to which you are referring that allows you to answer, ‘yes, I am aware’?"

It is the "fact" of the being aware itself that I'm referring to. Or: just the experience of awareness itself is what allows me to answer that yes, I am aware. That's not quite it though... too circular. Better: the question seems to imply some kind of mediating "thing" between "me" (the one being aware) and the experience of being aware, but there doesn't seem to be one in my experience. It's "immediate" for lack of a better word. Maybe "unmediated experience" would be another way to refer to it. "Knowing" works too. Also, "unmediated direct knowledge". Hopefully you can make sense of that word salad ;)

Yeah.
Good.

The reason it feels off is because you are using conceptual language to try and describe it but you can’t get close enough that way. It’s difficult to describe things like beauty, love, music, art…poets do it…artists of all kinds…

Be the artist you are here, the child. Not the intellectual. Don’t try to get it right, to describe it “perfectly”. You can’t.

You look down at your socks. What do you see?

Imagine you walk into a vacant apartment. What is there?

You are used to describing everything – yourself included - in conceptual language. It leaves you hungry, because you have also been lost in it, eating the menu instead of the meal.

We are hungry ghosts. We long for something ACTUAL, and look everywhere for it, but no matter what it is, it isn’t – cannot be satisfying BECAUSE THE “WE” WE THINK WE ARE ISN’T REAL.

STOP LOOKING OUTSIDE YOURSELF. LOOK AT YOURSELF.

NOT INTO YOUR THINKING.


Let’s try this.

Get a bit quiet and attentive. No need to “meditate” or anything. Doesn’t matter if you are standing or sitting. Better not to be lying down though for now.

Notice all the “things” you are aware of, and all the sense faculties that are gathering and “handling” the data they are made to “collect”. Allow all these things to pervade your experience, just as they are, and just as it is.

Then, notice “you” are aware of all this stuff: the objects and the senses themselves.

So, by definition, you can say, “I am aware” because since “you” are aware of x, y, & z, it also follows that “you” are aware, period. Right?

Say it to yourself.

I am aware of ___.
I am aware of ___.
I am aware of ___.

All the stuff.

Then, take the “step” back, and say just

“I am aware” to yourself.

It’s true, isn’t it?

Check it out.

Assuming the answer is yes, then simply say,

“I am.”

That’s true as well, yes?


If “you” are aware, then there is someone there that is aware.

HINT: It’s the same someone from the last two exercises, the same one that you refer to in every sentence you ever spoke.

It’s also the same one that has been here for as long as you can remember. That one has never changed. The body has changed. The experiences have stacked up one after the other for all these years, but if you look back to that time you were playing at the playground, that time you were at the ocean, or on the subway, a bus, bike, boat, jet, horse, or skateboard, you can see: it’s the same one that is here now.

“I am.”

Say it out loud. Then say it to yourself. Back and forth. Don’t worry, you won’t break it.

Then…

Just say “I.”

Just “I”.

Same old, yes?

“I.” Out loud, or quiet. Back and forth.

Then just say nothing. Be silent.

Sure, thoughts will arise, and other senses will be doing their thing, but “I” is there resting in the midst of all of it, silent, with a word, an object, or not.

The “objective” world and all “objective” experience is constantly moving and changing.

The breath happens.
Thoughts happen.
Even gravity is…just…happening.

Everything is JUST…HAPPENING.

And “I” – with or without the word - out loud or quiet, S/He/It (it has no sex or gender, does it?) remains, still, and quiet.

Be with that.

When you are ready, tell me about it in your own words, BUT NOT AS A CONCEPT.

Describe “it” in terms of DIRECT / ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.

Does it “live” within thought? Do thoughts contain it?

Does it sound like anything?

Does it taste like anything?

Does it smell like anything?

Does it feel – tangibly – like anything?

Does it look like anything?

HINT:
You walk into an empty apartment or house after you moved all your stuff outta there on your way to your next spot. What’s it like in there? “It” is certainly there - even more so in a way than when the place was full up with all your stuff. But it’s different. How?

Love,

J

[jefe2060]

One more thing.

Looking into thoughts and concepts to try and see what is real (besides the "real" thoughts that thoughts are and the "real" concepts that concepts are) is like squeezing a rock and trying to get orange juice out of it.

Now that you know that a thought is just a thought, take them off your altar. Yep, your intellect has saved your @$$ more times than you can remember.

AND NOBODY IS GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU. PROMISE.

But it can't help you get where you are going. Where you already, always are / were / will be. So just let it rest. It doesn't have to go away, or change ONE IOTA. What the heck would you do with a different mind, anyway?

Peeeeece.

J

[Enzymatic]

Hi Jeff,

It's been a long day an I'm too wiped out tonight to respond any more than to say thank you for these 2 beautiful posts. I will continue to sit with this and will respond tomorrow.

D

[Enzymatic]

Then, notice “you” are aware of all this stuff: the objects and the senses themselves.

So, by definition, you can say, “I am aware” because since “you” are aware of x, y, & z, it also follows that “you” are aware, period. Right?

Right

Then, take the “step” back, and say just

“I am aware” to yourself.

It’s true, isn’t it?

Yes, 100%

Assuming the answer is yes, then simply say,

“I am.”

That’s true as well, yes?

Yes

Then…

Just say “I.”

Just “I”.

Same old, yes?

Yes

Be with that.

When you are ready, tell me about it in your own words, BUT NOT AS A CONCEPT.

Describe “it” in terms of DIRECT / ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.

Does it “live” within thought? Do thoughts contain it?

No. Thoughts come and go within it.

Does it sound like anything?

No

Does it taste like anything?

No

Does it smell like anything?

No

Does it feel – tangibly – like anything?

No

Does it look like anything?

No

Describe “it” in terms of DIRECT / ACTUAL EXPERIENCE.
HINT:
You walk into an empty apartment or house after you moved all your stuff outta there on your way to your next spot. What’s it like in there? “It” is certainly there - even more so in a way than when the place was full up with all your stuff. But it’s different. How?

This wasn't in blue, but I would like to sit with this after work today and respond again then. The question is getting at something...

D

[jefe2060]

When I look within and see that I am nothing, that is wisdom.

When I look without and see that I am everything, that is love.

Between those two, my life turns.

-Nisargadatta

[jefe2060]

This wasn't in blue, but I would like to sit with this after work today and respond again then. The question is getting at something...

Noooooo.....

Don't do that.

Look at my question where I asked you to describe, in your own words, what is there, in direct experience.

I get it: you got it. There's nothing there in any objective sense.

There is nothing there that corresponds to any of the senses.

EXACTLY!

Now. Just be there. What's it like?

Please don't tell some conceptual story.

You go sit in the woods.

No cars, people, work...

What's it like?

[Enzymatic]

I will do exactly that :) and I will report back only to what is in blue :)

[jefe2060]

❤️

[Enzymatic]

Hi Jeff,

Now. Just be there. What's it like?

Please don't tell some conceptual story.

You go sit in the woods.

No cars, people, work...

What's it like?

It's simple and uncomplicated by anything. Everything just IS. It's featureless and empty, but not.

D

[jefe2060]

It's simple and uncomplicated by anything. Everything just IS. It's featureless and empty, but not.

Ok, that's close enough for jazz.

Is there anything there that remotely resembles a "self" in the terms you may have once thought you were?

If there's nothing there that is comprised of any of the "substances" of direct experience, only "emptiness, but not" (ie, the fullness of nothingness), where's the "separate" "self" entity?

[jefe2060]

Sorry those last two sentences were supposed to be blue.

[Enzymatic]

Hi Jeff,

Is there anything there that remotely resembles a "self" in the terms you may have once thought you were?

No. There is nothing like that at all

If there's nothing there that is comprised of any of the "substances" of direct experience, only "emptiness, but not" (ie, the fullness of nothingness), where's the "separate" "self" entity?

There isn't one

But I keep believing there is. Still. All I can think to do is to keep being in "I am" and noticing it.

D

[jefe2060]

ME: Is there anything there that remotely resembles a "self" in the terms you may have once thought you were?

You:

No. There is nothing like that at all

ME: If there's nothing there that is comprised of any of the "substances" of direct experience, only "emptiness, but not" (ie, the fullness of nothingness), where's the "separate" "self" entity?




You:

There isn't one

But I keep believing there is. Still. All I can think to do is to keep being in "I am" and noticing it.

Well, perfect!

By the way. THERE IS NOTHING TO DO. I mean, sure, there's tons of stuff to do, depending on what you WANT to do. We can talk about that later.



You:

“But I keep believing there is.”

In what form (of direct experience) does this belief – and/or ANY belief – arise?



(Seeing that we both already know what the answer is, here's the follow up question:)


Which means....?





and,

If you believe in Santa Claus, REALLY BELIEVE IN SANTA, or the Tooth Fairy, The Boogie Man, or a flat Earth, does that make them so?


and,



Substantively, does a belief (thoughts, right? not smells?) figure into reality with any more or less weight than a fart has a smell or a sound, a somatic thingee (touching/feeling/ sensation) something, and in some (awful) situations….no…..I just can’t bring myself to say it, but there ARE two more senses left on the list…you get where I’m going with this, eh?


Basically, SO WHAT?

If you stand next to the ocean, believing you are 12 or 13 feet tall, does that change the ocean (or make you that tall)? DOES ANYTHING ACTUALLY CHANGE?

If you are making dinner, and you believe there is a moose in your closet eating your shoes, does that change whether you have a gas , electric, wood, or whatever other kind of stove you have?

How, in fact, does what you or anyone believe ABOUT ANYTHING, or how we interpret any of the data our senses give us change ANYTHING other than (potentially) the way we relate to the world in our delusions?

Does this make it perfectly clear why the Siddhartha Gautama, when asked if he was the Bunumber ddha (the Enlightened One), said simply,

“I AM AWAKE”?????????



You are already awake.

Stop pretending you are asleep.


Let me tell you how this goes.

It is very rare that when people see the truth, ALL CONDITIONING IS IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVED.

As the story goes, “even” Christ was a little less than accepting of his situation up there on the cross for a minute. Besides all the fairy tales, he was just a guy that was a little further down the path than you are.

It has been about 3 years since I realized “no separation”. Things have steadily continued to be clearer and clearer, easier and easier, more just as they are, effortless. I am far less reactive than I once was, and I can honestly say I am happy FOR NO REASON. I have had very interesting and wonderful experiences. And PLENTY of “contractive”, reactive occurrences. The reason these have continued to happen have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that when I look, there is no separate self to be found, anywhere. It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that OLD HABITS DIE HARD, when (and if) they do.

I am 66. I spent 63 of those years believing (without even knowing that I did) SO FUNDAMENTALLY in the illusion that even after I saw what there is to see in a profound moment I can’t really describe…but I’ll try…it was like, all the boundaries softened and I blended with everything and there was more light and clarity but nothing changed and everything changed and I knew that I knew and it was super nice…and I felt an incredible freedom that - in a way has never gone away but has only grown, which I can tell because everything seems more and more to just be happening and it isn’t a problem, when I got to LU and told my guide that I probably already had what they were doing here and she said, “OK, well here are the ‘final’ questions, let’s see what that’s like for you”, something rose up in me and I basically rebelled and “yelled” that YES GODDAMN IT, I AM RIGHT HERE AND I KNOW THERE IS A SEPARATE SELF BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT HERE!!!

(Kind of like you keep trying to do but you are much nicer and (a little) less dramatic about it than I was.)

She hung out with me for as long as it took to realize JUST WHAT YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE SEEN.

It was great! Then all the confusion and residual $#!+ kept arising. Apart from the core sense of freedom that never left (YOU CAN’T “UN-SEE” WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN), there was what Ilona calls “falling”: a time of change and release and…continuance….and discovery… that lasts as long as it lasts. I’m not too partial to the term. I like the 10 Fetter model better, but even that is too confusing for me. When I found Rupert Spira’s teaching, it was like I had finally found the education I never knew I was always looking for. I hung out “there” (listening to all his stuff, subscribed to his website) for a VERY intensive 9 months, and then got tired of it. There’s more to the story too. It continues. Love to tell you the whole thing.

What I’m saying is that this is not the end of the road.

It’s the beginning.

You have waited all your life to know this and now you do, and the way it shows up is that (whoopdie doo!) you see there is no “self” in there, no room for one, because there is NOTHING THERE…

“But I keep believing there is.”

So.

Fkg.

What.


What you get to do now is just to KNOW yourself (as nothing) and to watch as everything else comes and goes, including BELIEFS (thoughts), and to know that you are not those things.



You do, don’t you?



Love,

J

[Enzymatic]

Jeff,

Because we all agree on the answers to all the semi-rhetorical blue questions except the last, I am breaking protocol and skipping to the good part.

What you get to do now is just to KNOW yourself (as nothing) and to watch as everything else comes and goes, including BELIEFS (thoughts), and to know that you are not those things.

You do, don’t you?

YES, I do.

Then this stops me in my tracks:

You are already awake.

Stop pretending you are asleep.

Of course. Of course. Please don't ask me any "final questions" about it because I don't know much, but I KNOW that. I am awake.

I read your post a few hours ago and hadn't even gotten all the way through and started to laugh and I laughed hard and non-stop for an hour or so until, and this is true, my side was in actual pain. It's not even that what you wrote is funny (although it IS, because you are a very funny guy) it's just what happened. Even typing this now a few hours later there's something obviously different. There aren't unicorns and rainbows and I haven't melted into the cosmos or anything, but something is very different. I'm so glad it's Friday and I have all weekend without distraction to just explore the knowing and watching.

Thank you Jeff. Words can't express my love and gratitude.

D

[jefe2060]

Yes, I know. It's that way for me too

It's what John Coltrane called "A Love Supreme". It is who you are, shining. I know it because it is me. We shine together.

It is everywhere. It is all there is.
It's where everything comes from, is made of, and returns to.

It appears with human beings as just "I am", "I am me", "I am myself", and is coincident with this love, this gratitude. Personally I haven't figured out if it shows up elsewhere as love, like to mice and so forth, but to us at this stage, yep, it's love, joy, peace, and happiness.

For no reason.

And, you are very likely afraid.

Or at least a little.

Look at how I wrote that.
Look at those words.


"And, you are very likely afraid. "


We have both been speaking in those terms all our lives. Is it any wonder that we -- pretty much all of our species -- is completely convinced that those words are actually true? That there is an actual thing called an "I" to whom experience can stick? Or that can make us who we are? That can form us and make us essentially different from each other, and separate from the totality?!?!?


This has been going on for a very long time -- at least as long ago as that Adam and Eve fairy tale thing has been around -- and people were so ignorant that they had to have things explained to them in such terms, and that they actually fell for it, and killed - in the millions - to defend their idiotic beliefs.

The truth cannot be idiotic, but us?

Our capacity for it is endless.

Almost.

Which side are you on?

You get to choose.

Here's the thing

This is the one "contest" where you get to choose and STILL get to play both sides. You will get to have your cake and be eaten by it as well! 🤣

Go ahead and take your stand as the Limitless Awareness That Just Is, the Loving Light of Consciousness, God, or Dog, if you prefer. Or nothing.

Your remaining ignorance will continue to jump up and bite you in the @$$.... Until it doesn't. Or does. We are all VERY practiced at it. It has a momentum of it's own, though no "independent" life or reality other than what we breathe into it.

Have you ever reached down to pick up an object in front of you (maybe a ball, but not necessarily), and the action of bending forward in combination with the structure and unnoticed tension and reflexes of the lower body and legs somehow triggered a sort of an unconscious kick that sends the object rolling or hurtling out of range?

Or seen or heard of the proverbial chicken whose head gets cut off but the body keeps running around or whatever?

The conditioning has mass and momentum. Add to it and watch it speed up. Notice it without dramatizing it and watch it spin out. It takes the time that it takes. Got anything better to do?

I don't know what your path is.

But you are clearly on it.

Finally.

You are, aren't you?

Don't worry.

There are no final questions.

You'll see.

Love,

J