Through the gateless gate

[Anastacia42]

Well, wrestling with the questions is mental, just thoughts. We want you LOOKING with your eyes.

Where IS this separate "self? "

this searching can simply be let go of.

That should happen naturally.

You've already watched the 2 videos about how awareness, being awake, comes & goes, haven't you? Watch those again, maybe.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

I just found this on Vince's site. Might help.

https://open.substack.com/pub/vinceschu ... d&r=54ufin

Loving

[vandyand]

Thanks for sharing this link Stacy. Vince's analysis perfectly fits this present experience. While it has been repeatedly realized that experience is just happening without a separate self controlling it, it's been confusing that old patterns of thought, emotion and behavior have persisted. In hindsight there was a belief that these old patterns would all disappear when the illusion of a separate self disappeared, but Vince's article helps break this ill-founded belief. In a funny way this makes things seem "all right" even if there are still old patterns I feel like could be improved in this experience and/or this body's reactions to experience. Like it's ok to be "in process" as it were. So then in a funny way I find myself "at home" and "in process" simultaneously - at home in that everything is alright here now - even while old patterns are procedurally dissolved.

```So after awakening (or a clear glimpse), the press office (“I decided… I did…”) may quiet, but the infrastructure(breath holds, protective postures, scripts) keeps doing its job until it’s shown new evidence.``` - Vince
This is my experience exactly. The press office has quieted significantly over the last few months or so (story), but the infrastructure patterns are dissolving a little more slowly it seems.

```What “re-programming” really means

Not forcing the body to obey a new belief, but giving the prediction system repeated, precise contact with what’s actually here, in contexts where it used to predict something else. Over time the model updates.``` - Vince
Staying with "what's actually here" (direct experience) is all that's necessary for the model to slowly update. This seems like good news.

There has been some silent labeling "image" vs "event" recently which Vince prescribes and which has been helpful in training this mind-body to distinguish between real events (direct experience) and unreal images (thought stuff).

Thank you for sharing this.
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

Excellent.

Just let me know when you can say 100% that there is no separate self and that you have had a shift in perception that you can describe.

We have some traditional questions that I will give you at that point.

There are other methods and groups that go beyond what we do here.

Loving,

[vandyand]

Thanks Stacy

Just let me know when you can say 100% that there is no separate self and that you have had a shift in perception that you can describe.

Definitely will do - especially the shift in perception.

Also, it seems relevant to mention that recently there has been a lot of intense anger coming up. It's almost as if the previous depression was masking this anger and now that depression has been improving the intense anger is being felt. There seems to always be a kind of low-grade anger in the background as it were, but then some days (like today and especially yesterday) the anger (rage?) becomes very intense and lasts all day, or nearly all day. Anger at life and everything and nothing in particular. I think underneath is very deep belief things should be other than they are somehow. In the past I would run from these intense emotions because I thought that anger is "not good" to feel. Now, however, there is a lot more simple feeling happening but is seems like a roller coaster at times, like a slow unpleasant roller coaster through angry town. It's interesting too that, bodily, the anger seems to be emanating from this same area in the upper right back/lower neck which always felt so dark and dense before. It feels much less dark and dense now but also very very angry. Anyways, sharing this seems helpful so thank you for listening :)

Thanks,
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

Anger is the intent to do something contaminated with the illusion that you're presently helpless. Handle the helplessness by doing something and the anger will recede.

It often happens after a person has seen that there is no self that other issues come up to be resolved.

What are you practicing?

Are you still doing ButtChair? ?

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Here is something to watch, particularly at about 57 minutes.

https://youtu.be/517Rggo0qtE?si=xFmpfKqLTFsGs2pB

Loving,

[vandyand]

Hello.

I apologize once again for the delay. I was going to watch the video you linked before responding but it's been a while now and I haven't watched it yet but still wanted to respond.

What are you practicing?

Are you still doing ButtChair? ?

I'm currently not practicing anything in particular. I find I have very little alone time. Perhaps a more dedicated practice would be beneficial.

I'm not sure what else to write. Nothing in particular comes to mind. Only that today was a bit better on the anger front. Vocational stuff has been a large stressor over the last year or so which occupies much of my thoughts.

Thanks,
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

Well, yes. If you don't practice, it's unlikely you'll see. Possible, but unlikely.

You can practice ButtChair anywhere anytime. Others will have no idea what you're doing.

So, anger st work. Did I give you the definition of anger?

Anger is the intent to do something contaminated with the illusion that you are presently helpless.

Usually it's a good idea to address the helplessness by doing something proving you are not helpless.

It's okay if you're not posting every day right now, but please do check in when you can.

Loving

[Anastacia42]

Can you handle 2 videos? If so, here's a good interview about Doubt.

https://youtu.be/trB0Fi6dpg0?si=U7_2cwc47-ryCiIh

Loving,

[vandyand]

Hey Stacy

I listened to the first interview you linked earlier and it was very good! I also listened to two more interviews on the Simply Always Awake channel which were also very good.

Recently I've been practicing the labeling "image" when thoughts come up and "event" for direct experience per the article you shared recently.

Also, on one of the Angelo Dillulo with Z Dogg MD podcasts Angelo made the point concerning awareness that if one simply relaxes the critical mind and focuses on what awareness is, that awareness can seem to be emanating from things as opposed to the ego-centric perspective of "placing" awareness/attention onto something. I've been using this technique to great effect on the dark and condensed bodily sensations in my back recently where, instead of feeling like awareness is being sucked into this unpleasant sensation, I relax and let awareness emanate from the sensation instead which, surprisingly, is rather easy to do and turns the dark sensation into an almost pleasant one, like it's being viewed with curiosity instead of loathing, and it's seen that it's ok instead of being dreaded.

I hope to listen to the next video you shared soon.

Thanks so much for all of you kind support Stacy. It is much appreciated!
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

That's great Andrew. Whatever helps you to see.

Loving

[Anastacia42]

Hi,

How's it going?

This is a guiding video from Angelo Dillulo you might like. You can do this (or any pointer) every day.


https://youtu.be/fEv7UF8evQ4?si=0quQlOl6c4S5QvUU


Loving

[vandyand]

Hi Stacey

Thanks for sharing this helpful guiding video.

There seems to be very few words to say, only that this awareness, while always here, is usually not at the forefront - that is, not aware of itself, or rather, aware of "other things" (thoughts mostly) which obscures this inherent awareness of awareness. In the past there has always been a seeking - which implies a seeker - for this awareness, or this "aware state" or "awakened state" which now seems surprisingly silly because in reality it is impossible for awareness not to be aware of itself or said differently, it's impossible for awareness to be unaware, or it's impossible for reality to not be real. When things slow down (like right now as this is being written) it seems there are less distractions from this simple awareness being aware. Also it's beginning to be seen that the future and past are not part of this present awareness, only thoughts of them. In some way it seems odd that this awareness could ever be obscured at all by thought or anything else, which in reality it can't but it seems it can simultaneously. So then there still seems to be some tension here, just less than memory implies is in the past. There is still a drive here in general for understanding, or a thirst for knowledge as it were which is odd because it betrays an underlying belief that there exist some "things" that are not known, but then why is there a belief that these "things" exist at all if they are not known? This belief seems odd. Beliefs in general seem odd, especially that many of them are subconscious beliefs. There is still a desire for less obscuration in general and more simple seeing, as Dillulo says "simply always awake" - there is still a desire for this here, which again, betrays a belief that it is not here which is odd, but then there it is.

Thanks,
Andrew VD

[Anastacia42]

My goodness! That's a lot of words for :"very few words."

I hear you. in spite of seeing, you're stuck in doubt.

Keep watching the Dillulo video.Keep looking with ButtChair & any other pointer you like.

When you are 100% sure there is no separate "self," let me know because we have some traditional questions then. Other guides will read them.

Also stay aware that this is only the first awakening. There are groups for the 10 fetters to take you deeper.

I'll send information on the groups. (or have I already?

Loving,