ready to wake up now

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

I have been reflecting on your last questions. Still sick with the flu. Hope you are well and thank you for your patience!

With eyes closed, without imagining what you are—no body, human form, thoughts, images, or ideas—*“look”* at you. Not at what is found, but at you.

Where is the looking happening?
What does it feel like to be with you?

So the looking starts with images on the room, noticing those are visual thoughts I think. Then where is the looking happening...I don't know. I can feel into the sense of being and noticing that there is a habit of focusing on the body, sense of me like thoughts etc. Contractions!
Then back asking what is knowing all this?! it's a quiet sense of being?

I am not sure what it feels like to be with me...

With the meditation today, I felt dizzy and nauseous while inquiring, like wanting to take a step back.

Happy Saturday!
Love,
Marie

[Lubo]

Hi dear Marie,
So sorry about the flu—so annoying!

Contractions!
Then back to asking—what is knowing all this?! Is it a quiet sense of being?

I am not sure what it feels like to be with me...

With the meditation today, I felt dizzy and nauseous while inquiring, like wanting to take a step back.

You are here for freedom. Relax and notice—you are searching to see that you are **not** Marie.

What arises when you say, *"I am not Marie"*?

Notice both the **freedom** and the **habit** of trying to find what you are.
That’s the trap. :)

You are beyond anything that can be found.
*"I am not Marie"* feel the freedom, short cut for freedom!

Love,
Lubo

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

So I have been sitting with this for a bit:

Notice both the **freedom** and the **habit** of trying to find what you are.
That’s the trap. :)

Yes that is the trap!!! that's it exactly. Uggh!!! the habit of trying to find what I am is so ingrained and noticing the freedom is so fuzzy, so easy to not notice it...

So keep doing this?
Thank you for your help !!!

[Lubo]

Hi dear Marie,
It's impossible to put into words.

Notice that you are here, but you are not the body (shape + sensations).
What to do? Nothing—yet we can investigate, to find home.

With eyes closed:
- Notice that the focus is on thoughts. When you recognize this,
- Shift attention to the blackness (let’s label this experience with eyes closed).
Now, we have two "objects"—thoughts and blackness.
- Now, move the focus toward the "light" behind the blackness?

When this shift happens, you may experience a sense of being home.
At first, it will happen for only a short time due to the habit of staying in thoughts or colors, but over time, it will become easier and more natural.

This "light" is not exactly light—just a label.
To remove all doubts, notice:
Is there a "me" doing this "light"?

What can support you on this path is reading Ramana’s teachings and Rumi’s poetry.

I am here.
You are held in love and light.

So much love to you,
Lubo ❤️

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

Thank you for your support. I have been sitting with your last words, very helpful!

Lately I've been feeling very much in my head and thoughts, spinning and feeling frustrated. And not spending very much time in quiet. Thinking a lot instead!!

Also I sometimes I notice an "alive blackness" that feels very neutral. But the thoughts are like clouds in the sky and I forget about the sky. Sort of expecting a big aha moment!!! I very much would like to feel a sense of home like you said in the previous post...

I will look into reading Ramana! I went to his ashram many years ago:)

Hope you are well and thank you for your time and help.
Much love.
Marie

[Lubo]

Hi dear Marie,

I am with you!

Lately I've been feeling very much in my head and thoughts, spinning and feeling frustrated.

Yes—anger! Our power, our warrior, rising with enough energy to clear the sky! This is the way—feel the anger, embrace your power, your freedom.

Also, sometimes I notice an "alive blackness" that feels very neutral.

Beautiful. I love neutral—it’s impersonal.

Right now, can you notice—
Is there a personal aliveness?

You are free from any concept of you.
Even from the idea that you were ever born. :)
You just are!

How does that feel?

So much love to you,
Lubo

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

So:

Right now, can you notice—
Is there a personal aliveness?

How do I know it's personal? it must be neutral I think. doesn't personal appear in consciousness?

Neutral to my mind feels like a nice idea of peace and quiet from the chaos of identification. But even though this sense of aliveness is before everything I still feel more identified to the sense of me as a person, separate etc.

You are free from any concept of you.
Even from the idea that you were ever born. :)
You just are! How does that feel?

I had a glimpse a long time ago, the freedom from all concepts and I felt a huge relief. But it was a brief moment.
Now it's more like I understand at the level of mind but it is not seen clearly. When I close my eyes, it's just this, whatever is experienced. but the weight of this me is very heavy.

Thank you for your help and patience!
Much love

[Lubo]

Hi dear Marie,

Neutral to my mind feels like a nice idea of peace and quiet from the chaos of identification. But even though this sense of aliveness is before everything, I still feel more identified with the sense of me as a person, separate, etc.

Beautiful!
Identification—notice that only *this* "stands in the way" of wholeness being whole, right now, in this very moment?

Look around you—"That" which notices is divine, and what is noticed is divine.
Now, can you find anything that is not oneness itself, anything truly separate?

And Separate from *what*?
Give a name to this *"what."?

Look around as if gazing at your own divine dream—exactly as it is, as if only *you* are here.
What are *you* in this dream?

Now it's more like I understand at the level of mind, but it is not seen clearly.

Okay. Now understand it from your *divine* level—what are you, precisely?

When I close my eyes, it's just this, whatever is experienced

Is there anything else but **aliveness**, the ocean of **Sat-Chit-Ananda** itself?
Can you experience *anything else*? :)

But the weight of this 'me' is very heavy.

How heavy, in kilograms? :)
Notice that this *"me"* is just the voice of the past—parents, society—whispering: *"Protect yourself from the future, protect yourself from yourself."*

And this is how the experience of being separate and *wrong* appears—
as if *fear itself* is protecting the real *"me."*

But in this dream, that fear manifests as contraction and struggle.

**Samsara is Nirvana**—embrace all fears and worries with divine pleasure.
Notice that they are not *personal events*—they are everywhere?
And from our divine power and light, we have no problem experiencing anything here?

The table is **set for gods**—with all the best.

All gurus share the experience of Nirvana. So perhaps it's time to change our approach—
otherwise, we just *miss the party*, hiding under the table.
Notice your current situation in life—can you feel that, deep down, you have **infinite power** to **wildly enjoy it**?
feel the relief and joy and creativity you are?

Let's back to our investigation:
Are you a *"me"*?
Or can you simply experience the idea and life of this *"me"*,
but never mistake it for the real one? :)
Again look:
Are you a *"me"*?

So much love to you,
Lubo

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

Still digesting what you wrote...
Thank you for your patience:)

Beautiful!
Identification—notice that only *this* "stands in the way" of wholeness being whole, right now, in this very moment?

Look around you—"That" which notices is divine, and what is noticed is divine.

I think I “understand” more than notice ☺ pffff

Now, can you find anything that is not oneness itself, anything truly separate?

And Separate from *what*?
Give a name to this *"what."?

I guess not. Truly separate is unknowable. Everything that is noticed is everything?
By divine you mean mysterious like we don’t know what is really going on? That which notices is always there, noticing. But… (there are lots of buts…) why doesn't it feel more free or peaceful? by separate I mean it feels like everything is happening to me, my body. So many layers of me!!!! Separate from the peace, or happening within that sense of knowing or sense of aliveness, it feels like this suffering me. Now I sometimes see that it's a construct but that construct is very stubborn!!

Notice that this *"me"* is just the voice of the past—parents, society—whispering: *"Protect yourself from the future, protect yourself from yourself."*

And this is how the experience of being separate and *wrong* appears—
as if *fear itself* is protecting the real *"me."*

Yes that is exactly that. The trap. All the voices keep talking. The fear is protecting. So keep my attention on noticing that it is just sensations and thoughts over and over?

Thank you Lubo, sending much love and gratitude

[Lubo]

Hi Marie,

I am with you!

Look here:

"I mean, it feels like everything is happening to me, my body."

Yes, everything is happening to you—including the experience of the body and the experience of energies labeled as "emotions."

Now, look at it this way:

Visual field – This is a dream for you.
Emotions – These are your energies. They don’t belong to the body in the visual field because the body itself is part of the dream.
Thoughts – They belong to you, but not to the body in the dream.
Speaking – Say "Hey" out loud. Notice that only you know that you just said it? And yet, in the dream, this "Hey" appears as a woman saying it.
Now, notice—without you, this "woman" cannot say anything.

It’s all a dream. 😊

This "woman" cannot know, think, do, or say anything without you.

There is only you. You are the only authority here. The "me" is just a contracted idea of what you are.

"All the voices keep talking. The fear is protecting. So should I keep my attention on noticing that it's just sensations and thoughts, over and over?"

I want you to keep your eyes open and see that there is nothing dangerous around you—only old patterns of protection: emotions + thoughts. And you—the only real subject here. Only you know what is truly happening.

Can you notice that, in this moment, you are simply experiencing being a scared woman (if that’s your experience right now)? But are you that experience? Are you the fear itself?

It is important to see through this so-called "protection"—it is a lie.

Remember, as children, we played with fear without being afraid—roller coasters, scary movies, fairy tales with terrifying creatures (Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf, for example). Fear was just energy to us—thrilling, exciting, even delicious.

Fear is just energy—edible, yummy.
So are you persona/body?

So much love to you,
Lubo

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

I have read your email many times:)
Thank you for taking the time to chat with me.

It is still difficult to realize this is all a dream. The space of alertness is there yet it doesn't feel like me. you know?

I will sit with it some more. How did it happen for you?

[Lubo]

Hi dear Marie,

Stay with me — this is the shorter way of seeing.

“It is still difficult to realize this is all a dream. The space of alertness is there, yet it doesn't feel like me. You know?”

This alertness… it’s like seeing the snake — and once seen, it feels like it can’t be unseen.
But notice — could it be that this alertness is trying to protect you? That there’s a subtle sense you need it to stay safe?

Now… gently, with effortless effort, look for the rope — not the snake. Don’t feed the fear.

Notice:
You are here.
Not as the body.
Not as a life moving forward in time.
Just here.

Notice the visual field — what appears right now, just here.
Try going to another room. What’s there? Just another part of the screen of experience, right?

Now — the key:
Don't expect fireworks.
Don’t expect anything to happen. That’s just resistance wearing a costume.

You don’t need to take care of the body or the persona for one single second.
Can you give yourself that?
One sacred second where survival isn’t the priority?

In this one second — with nothing to fix, nothing to awaken into — simply notice:

Is there a persona running the show right now?
?

With love,
Lubo

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

I've been sitting with your email. Sorry for taking so long...

I am not sure about this presence: is it just me imagining with my eyes a spaciousness? This noticing feels full and heavy. Everything feels contained in it...It seems boundless if I look for the edges.

also it is just this sense of being covered with non stop layers of concepts and "me" trying to see through that. but that's still more and more thinking. How can you notice the spaciousness while being bombarded with thoughts and stories?

Notice:
You are here.
Not as the body.
Not as a life moving forward in time.
Just here.

I have been trying to tune into just being. There is obviously being but at the same time the mind is feeling kind of cornered. Nowhere to go nothing to do. Life keeps going and the thoughts keep going in circle. Now what?

Now — the key:
Don't expect fireworks.
Don’t expect anything to happen. That’s just resistance wearing a costume.

Like you said in your message I guess I am expecting fireworks :) something like a shift or a sign from the universe!!!

Is there a person running the show? Without thinking I guess not. But thinking is so on-going it feels like a me.
Where is this me?
Does hearing care about what it is hearing? or seeing or feeling? it seems like it doesn't. the thinking seems to care and appears to be on-going. Not one thought after another just happening... That's what I am having a hard time with.

As always thank you for staying with me with your kind words.
Much. love.
Marie

[Lubo]

Hi dear Marie,

It’s actually easier than you expect! :)

"It’s just this sense of being covered with non-stop layers of concepts and 'me' trying to see through that."

Look—there is really only one main concept:
“You are born,” “you are the body,” “you are a person.”
Now, feel the freedom in this very moment: you are not that.
And this—this simple seeing—is it. Feel the freedom right now.

I am with you!

You were simply lied to—innocently—by your parents and by the world around you.
If you ever wondered why people speak of "original sin" even for innocent babies—this is it.
The message “You were born” is the so-called "sin," the beginning of all illusion, suffering, fear, and contraction in how we experience ourselves.
It was such an innocent lie, like believing in Santa Claus.
No one meant harm—it’s simply how the dream of separation continues.

"Life keeps going and the thoughts keep going in circles. Now what?"

This is the joke! Life is simply a beautiful experience appearing for you.
The key is to notice: there’s nothing truly scary here, except projections into the future.

Notice, right now—you have a body, there are many other bodies, animals, trees, the sky…
Look at the great Screen of Life.
Without you, none of it could be known from you?

And notice: the body itself cannot see the Screen of Life. It is simply it.
And is you—that knows it?

Thoughts are only commenting on you, on life, but do they exist independently from you?
When you realize that this world is not a scary place ("snake or rope" illusion), thoughts can become a source of wonder, not fear.

You cannot die—because life appears to you, but not as you.
Feel the freedom behind this!
Fear is the main illusion.
There is no death for you.

Feel the freedom in your chest—directly.
There’s no other way to experience freedom except by stepping right into it now: freedom from all fear.

Free like a bird in the vast, loving sky. 🕊️

Enjoy yourself. Enjoy life—it is a gift for you.
Just stop identifying with it. :)

So much love to you,
Lubo

[sonicfaery00]

Dear Lubo,

As always sorry for the late reply and thank you for being so helpful and patient.
I read your email many times.
It sounds so good when I read it, that's why I read it so much hahaha but arrgh I am not seeing it clearly and feel discouraged. It feels more like hell than freedom, exhausting, uncomfortable.

Feeling into being or this sense of being conscious doesn't feel anything like freedom to "me"...
I can see the concepts and thoughts creating the story. And that this "I" is part of the story. And at the same time I feel like there is nothing "I" can do about it because that would be more story. It's like a dead-end street.

Is this knowing is like being alive??? or life itself??
Much love,
Marie