Sorry, maybe that post wasn't clear. We cannot choose anything. Choosing just happens.
What I was trying to say was.... when 'I' Look - Immediately I can see that these larger things in life (sickness, old age, death, winning the lotto etc) I have no control over. For the smaller things like, 'I am ...

Hi Smudge,


Your dream sounds like the process! Great dream! x [/color]

Thanks. I thought so too. Its like my direct experiencing pervaded my dreams.

What is the sticking point? Is it clear that there is no seperate 'I' that makes choices. Is 'choice' anything more than a thought about the ...

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Was there a "last bit"?
There seems many Epiphanies. Perhaps the biggest push was experiencing "No -Self" as I pointed at myself and could not find me, and then pointing out at objects and realizing this was IMPOSSIBLE! How could ...

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.


The Feeling to see this is both: 'Wow!!!' & 'Is this it???'
The Feeling is both: "This was So Simple" & "Holy Crap this was Intense!"
At this moment I can't ...

Hi Smudge,
I hope your retreat was wonderful!

Here is what I have been Experiencing:

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Maybe the Illusion of the Separate Self is easier to ...

Hello Smudge,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?


No, there is no separate entity of myself, I or me. Not anywhere, in any way, shape or form. No there never was a me-entity. When looking, an “I” can never be found. There ...

Hi Smudge,




So this is about expectations. Did you expect seeing through the delusion of self to be different? Like a big open wow all the time? How does it feel that it is different to that?

Hmmm. That is true. It is about expectations. Yes, I suppose I expect a falling away of turbulent ...

Hi Smudge,
your kindness helped me feel more hopeful. Sometimes it seems I have bitten off more than I can chew.

and this quote you sent elicited laughter
There is a Trungpa quote I like that I thought of when I read your post today "'The bad news is you are falling, the good news is theres no ...

Hi Smudge.
Yes I look and cannot find and it feels like such a relief.

But then later, gross sensations arise and feelings of being weighted down by the huge size and intensity emerge.
However it seems we must look under a few more rocks first. So lets turn towards the resistance, explore, what ...

Hi Smudge,
(I did not think about how it would be difficult to read the turquoise on a white background - Sorry. I tried to read my post later and felt bad for challenging your eyes:)

[quote="smudge"]I can see you see but need to feel confident in this. Can it ever be not true whatever the ...

You are right!
It did seem so unreachable as a concept. When I had first heard that
Form is emptiness and emptiness is form
I couldn't even begin to grasp it.
When it's experienced, then it is so simple!

from direct experience is there any doubt that there is no self but instead nothing and ...

Thanks for the positive feedback Smudge!
My experience now when pointing out at the world and back at me.............
That was very strange!
At first it was boring. Nothing happened. The world was as I see the world. And when I pointed back at me it seemed mechanical. Did it repeatedly. And then ...

Hello Smudge,
I tried this this morning, during the day and tonight. A couple of times felt an understanding was born during the day. but now...Nothing.
It was interesting as I pointed my finger around the room. I couldn't believe how many things I had and they all seemed one dimensional. Just ...

Hello Dear Smudge,
Thanks for the apology on the Look instructions. I understand your wanting to help and emphatically trying to point me in the right direction. You are right, I do need to Look: )
I don't know Blind Man's Bluff so looked it up on the internet. I'm not sure I understand the analogy ...

Hello Smudge!

Before you answer the questions from my last post read this.Notice how each thought creates a Me as part of that thought, so there are as many Me’s as there are thoughts. You have seen that there is no ‘Me’ outside the thought itself doing the thinking. As each thought comes, you ...