Guide for a Buddhist requested.

[phoenix]

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Was there a "last bit"?
There seems many Epiphanies. Perhaps the biggest push was experiencing "No -Self" as I pointed at myself and could not find me, and then pointing out at objects and realizing this was IMPOSSIBLE! How could "Nothing" be pointing at "Something"? That experience of Form is Emptiness and Emptiness if Form. That was perhaps the profound push -over. I have deep gratitude for that. Thank-you.

Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

I cannot. There is what I think is "Choice," (i.e. choosing between drinking coffee or tea) but then I look for where that "Choice" comes from...there is no "where" it is coming from. It is just arising.
Another example,
I try to make a choice to be kind to others. But then I get impatient instead.
Then at other times, without making a "choice" to do so, I feel a great love and interconnectedness with them.
I try to make my life happy - but then obstacles arise, suffering arises and I become older.
I cannot make anything happen...Hmmmm. Maybe, I am stuck on this point?....I see there is choiceless movement. I see that it is all vibrations/sensations, I see that if there is nothing or Oneness - then "I" do not exist and "I" cannot make a choice, and there is nothing ("No thing") to make happen. I cannot make anything happen. Things just arise and pass away. Thoughts, sensations I like arise and pass away. Thoughts, sensations I have aversion to arise and pass away. Likewise neutral thoughts, sensations. All of "Life events" are just thoughts arising and passing away. I cannot make them happen or prevent them as I want to.

Anything to add?

Every "Epiphany" is so profound that it seems "This is it!" But then that epiphany also passes. And again and again there must be Looking. Each time there is Looking, holes in the fabric of the Illusion of Self are made. Gaps, or Stillness in Oneness are experienced with greater frequency and intensity.
Last night I had a dream, another story, but it was profound. There was no me. Just awareness. And coming down an escalator was a girl. On her t-shirt was an Escher drawing of staircases (like I mentioned in a previous post) . And "I" was in that drawing experiencing it, walking the staircases. Only to pull back out of it and to look at it as a picture that was 2 dimensional. And then to see that the picture was only a small part of a whole "scene" or story, as I saw it on a t-shirt, on a girl, in a large shopping complex of many escalators and people. And then to realize it was a dream.
Thanks for all of this Smudge!
Phoenix

[smudge]

Hi Phoenix,

Thanks for answering so fully. I enjoyed reading this. Your dream sounds like the process! Great dream! x

I have asked the other guides if they have any questions, here is a question:" What is the sticking point? Is it clear that there is no seperate 'I' that makes choices. Is 'choice' anything more than a thought about the past?'

Warmest wishes
Smudge

[phoenix]

Hi Smudge,

Your dream sounds like the process! Great dream! x

Thanks. I thought so too. Its like my direct experiencing pervaded my dreams.

What is the sticking point? Is it clear that there is no seperate 'I' that makes choices. Is 'choice' anything more than a thought about the past?'

Its easy to see that in our lives most of the things are choice-less. For instance aging, sickness and obstacles.
But then the sticking point was that on everyday mundane experiences, it initially appears we have choices: e.g. To drink Coffee or Tea. Those choices appear more real and easier to believe. But when I Look, there is just a thought arising, based on an earlier thought/memory (e.g. "coffee is stronger and comforting"). Definitely I see there is no separate "I" that makes the choice. Its easier for me to experience there is no I and then to experience that there is also no external environment from there (like doing that pointing exercise). Seeing that, then it is easier to see there is no choice. Also, when there is Looking into that 'choice' process - Seeing there is no where and no that the choice arises from. It just arises. 'I' have no control.
....Funny I have just lost the rest of my post. The above paragraphs I had thankfully saved. And it ended with " 'I' have no control" : )
I will leave it there.
All the best,
Phoenix

[smudge]

A bit more on this point Phoenix:

You say 'It's easy to see that in our lives most of the things are choice-less."
You say 'most' and not 'all'. Can you mention some of the things that we do choose?

Smudge x

[phoenix]

Sorry, maybe that post wasn't clear. We cannot choose anything. Choosing just happens.
What I was trying to say was.... when 'I' Look - Immediately I can see that these larger things in life (sickness, old age, death, winning the lotto etc) I have no control over. For the smaller things like, 'I am going to eat this chocolate now' - (these are also choice-less because we have no control over the thoughts that arise with those ideas ) - but initially these events appear as we have control.
It's just like saying, in the body it is all sensations/vibrations. Initially, it appears that only gross pain, pleasure are the sensations. But when we check and Look, then we see/feel that the whole body is full of subtler sensations and vibration.
When 'I' initially Look - some things are readily apparent (grosser phenomena or thoughts). But some things (subtler phenomena or thoughts) 'I' need to check more thoroughly in order to See and Directly Experience. I can see that everything is choice-less when I look deeply. But I need to Look and Look again.

Hope that is more clear!

Have a good night.
Phoenix

[smudge]

Hi Phoenix,

Thanks for clarifying, all guides are happy now.

You will be invited to join Facebook aftercare groups soon. I wish you well and happy continuing explorations, this is just the beginning!

It has been a pleasure and a privilege doing this work with you,

Much Love

Smudge

xx