Hi Ilona,

I wanted to add one final post in case it is helpful to anyone else. I read quite a bit through the archives and other conversations in the guiding area in an effort to take in as much as I could while you were guiding me through the process.. So for anyone else doing the same thing I ...

Hi Ilona,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Is there a Self in existence? - Looking into direct experience, no Self could be found. This was relatively straight forward because should I to find a Self it could not be me ...

Hi Ilona,

Are you ready for the final questions?

Sure, fire away!

Is there any doubt at all?

No doubt at all. When I look into my mind for myself, I get back the thought ‘Self’, if I look at what that is, I get endless thoughts about the thought ‘Self’.

The odd thing is an intuitive leap ...

Hi Ilona,

How is it going?

From my earliest memory at 5, to now at 46 this is the first time I have not felt the irresistible urge to look for that something in everything I do. It is a real pleasure to have met you along the way!

By way of analogy, it’s like a huge dam has suddenly ceased to ...

Hi Ilona,

Settling in, seeing deeper does not end. There is no place to land, nothing to grasp to hold on. Although grasping still happens, as part of process of clearing up. Stuff comes up be looked at and released. It's a lifetime process.

Yes it does, it releases all by ‘itself’ because ...

Hi Ilona,

I’m staring right at ‘it’ all right.

If I ask you to describe is very strange sensation, description does not even come close to experience.
It’s strange because I realised there isn’t a Self that exists and there isn’t a Self that doesn’t exist. Since then thoughts are just passing ...

Hi Ilona,

Now I’ve realised, in thought there is only more thought. I’ve gone from looking for myself in direct experience to looking for myself in thought only to find there is only thought in thought. No self at all.

Self is a thought, nothing more, why, because it is thought. Period. There is ...

Hi Ilona,

Nice. You are getting close.

Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement!

Lets dig around the thinker for a bit.
What does a thinker do?

Aside from getting on my nerves, what does the thinker do? If a thinker, ‘I’, were to exist that would mean I would be somewhere in time and space ...

Hi Ilona,

Would you say, that you are ready for the final questions? :)

Yes, No, Yes, No. It is all that matters!

How does it feel to answer as you answer?

I don’t know any longer, when I ask myself that, I get back a story. I see thoughts point exclusively to thoughts, so all I will ever ...

Hi Ilona,

Is there such sensation of separation? Or just the idea?

I don’t know. The illusion of separation is clear to see. Which comes first the thought or the sensation? Can it be both? They are both happening. I thought I had the answer to this.

There don’t appear to be answers to anything ...

Hi Ilona,

Hidie the spidie.

Recently a spider moved into our house and became our latest ‘family member’. Last night we named her. Hidie. There has been a very definite relationship building between us for some days now. Hidie likes the bathroom light switched off otherwise she spends a lot more ...

Hi Ilona,

Anything I think of as me is an illusion. The belief is of the illusion, so there can be nothing to fear from ‘dropping’ that belief.
Also the process is bogged down in the expectation of some-thing happening whereas dropping the belief itself is all that can really happen.

This is all ...

Hi Ilona,

As the day progresses, unexpected insights are happening.

The sensation of separation creates the sensation of everything imagined as separate. In the same way I believe I am someone, I believe space is something.

I see space is the illusion of separation, a sensation which is always ...

Hi Ilona,

This is my second attempt at writing this morning. Every single train of thought has disappeared since I started writing. Thought happen as a meaningful question, ‘I’ am carried away with it, sooner or later it becomes obvious ‘I’ am being led up the garden path and am faced with a choice ...

Hi Ilona,

Nice. Yes, thoughts refer to other thoughts. It's turtles all the way down.

It sure does.

Examine the narration process. Is there a listener?

There is really only listening – and the sensation of a listener.

Is voice talking to someone or just talking away?

Well, there is only ...