Hi Sarah,

I have been having a lot of uneasy feelings today and a lot of doubts. This is very troubling me to me after the clarity and certainty that I had before. It's like my seeing has been clouded. I find it bizarre because I can see that every feeling and thought is a spontaneous arising and ...

Hi Sarah,

What is this "me" and this "I"?

They refer to the fictional character called "Peter" ( I wish I hadn't used a pseudonym now ;-) Spontaneous arisings of thought, words and actions are are attributed, by thought, to this character. Thought claims that "Peter" thinks, says and does these ...

Hi Sarah,

Do you feel that you have seen and that there has been a shift?

Yes.

With "you" revealed as imaginary, what remains?

A body and a brain doing what a body and a brain do.

What lives?

There is no 'liver', there is just living.

What experiences?

There is no experiencer, there ...

Hi Sarah,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No to both.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It's a ...

Thank you Sarah,

Is being an old git a habit? Look. If recognised is it any different to thoughts or guitar playing?

Playing ( no player ), thinking ( no thinker ), gitting ( no git ).

Where is the controller here Peter? Where is the control?

Quite right. Playing guitar happens by itself ...

Thank you Sarah,

Keep on with this. Very useful.

Still no smiling but I did get a thought about the absurdity of all this drama over this 'poor little me' character.

Story.

I noticed today how the story sometimes has two "me" characters. In addition to 'poor little me' there is also ...

Hi Sarah,

Keep looking at the story thoughts and useful thoughts. Let me know when you start to smile or giggle!

Nothing so far. I can see how it will gradually dawn on me just how absurd it is to take these stories so seriously when the main character is fictional. I have been sitting quietly ...

Hi Sarah,

A hand can move and the thoughts that match the movement will lay claim – ‘look what I did, I have moved a finger – there proof, ‘I’ exist!' Look at these thoughts and see where they come in.

In my finger moving experiment I start off with a thought: "Now I'm going to move my thumb ...

Thank you Sarah.

Put the book down and look.

Yes, time spent reading the book could be spent looking. I won't read it again.

Instead of seeing the absence of self, notice when you think its there and then look carefully.

After reading this the looking went up a gear. I am now sitting down ...

Thanks Sarah.

Did you watch the clip?

Yes, it was great. Looks like my doubts over the non-existence of the self are due to there still being a bit of synaptic 'glue' left connecting certain neurons.

Where does it say that there is a permanent awakening?

The book says:

Ilona: "Is there any ...

Yes this will happen, but more like re wiring. The connections get weak and break then reform somewhere else.

I was confused by this, Sarah. Are you saying that the type of looking that I said I do doesn't result in a permanent awakening? The book describes the process like this: "This is not ...

Hi Sarah,

Thanks very much for your patience with me.

Reading your last post gives me the impression ( and I don't want to sound patronising either ) that you are a very sensitive, possibly artistic person who can easily discern very subtle layers within your own experience. I am more of a clod ...

Sit with the frustration, look at it

Feelings of inadequacy emerged saying: "It's not like you're being asked to climb Mount Everest here, you're only being asked to look and see if there is a self, and yet you can't do it well enough, what's wrong with you?"

Another story that is running in ...

Just write me a list like - I am lying in bed, I am hearing the rain, I am writing this list, I can feel a sensation of relaxing etc….

As soon as I started doing this it felt ridiculous writing something like, " I scatched my chin" or " I heard a dog barking" etc. It was obvious that there was no ...

Hi Sarah,

Look at this and see if it is story added on by thoughts e.g. the word unique. What can you actually compare your uniqueness to?

Yes, this is definitely a story. The story says: "If two people hear the same sudden loud noise one jumps out of their skin while the other one doesn't. This ...