I have trouble with simply to stop relying on my mind and to start looking. It seems that when I think "start looking" more mind just gets frustrated. things are nto happening to something, its all just happens. Thoughts exist here which try to make sense of all the happenings.
Why would a ...

I'm getting kindof confused by this process now. I don't feel like Im getting it. there are feelings of frustration and hopelessness. I dont' really know if I understand what is being said by the phrases "awareness" and "consciousnesS". im uncertain if I am percieving them in the way that they are ...

the canvas is simply there for the piant to be on. it does not do any of these things, just provides a platform for things to exist. colours, paint, etc
Are you sure what you see is canvas and not paint? I'll stop the metaphor right here because it might become confusing. What i mean to ask is: If ...

Underneath all thoughts sensations and feelings is some "thing". almost like a canvas. there is all kind sof things put on the canvas but the canvas is still underneath it. I can't tell what exactly that feeling is but its almost like I *know* its there despite not feeling it.
What does the canvas ...

Hmm I see what you mean. but I guess I had another expectation of some sort of simplicity or ease. Many accounts of this gave an impression that seeing no self makes life easier in a way. "effortless" and "blissful" are words I frequently see
Expectations are not your friend in this process. If ...

I guess because it feels unclear. it feels uncomfortable. It doesn't feel like how "life should be". Haha thats more expectation creeping out.. Life feels distorted. I don't feel connected to anything, I guess more expectation but I have often felt "out of touch" to life itself. I guess the desire ...

when I try the exercise what happens is a very rapid stream of thoughts amongst the stillness of everyday life.

Projections, what ifs, possibilities in the mind occur. the more I engage in the thoughts the more stressful they become. There is a familiar sense of lack... Thoughts regarding needing ...

The most frequent thought that comes up that gives me trouble is related to career, lifestyle and what people will think of "me"

I often worry if Im far enough in my life as I should be (at a rational level I know I'm doing fine) or if I should have more fame, more success, more money, etc

These ...

Hi Tonka,

Sorry i haven't answered yet, i was in the hospital the last few days. I will write more when i can.

Don't let this stop you from posting, it is always good to write down anything that comes up and let me know where you're at.

When I investigate the owner.. ist almost like I gothrough a series of "owners".. "oh there is the thought of I" and then there goes into an analysis or engagement dialogue until that "voice" is understand as false.. but this sequence goes on infinitely.
How many owners can there be at the time ...

I picked two quotes from your post because i think they show best where the problems lie:

when it comes down to it a lot of the desire to find the truth is in hope of simplifying life, hoping to find ease in the anxiety of daily living and the pain that comes with so closely identifying with my ...

Hi Tonka.
I wanted to write an answer to your post today but something came up. I will get back to you as soon as i can.

I think LU was down for quite some time yesterday, i couldn't access it either.


your analogy of unknown language makes sense..

I can't seem to see the lie for what it is, I feel stuck..

where should I be going next?

Start by not calling it a lie. Don't make your mind the enemy, it's only ...

I'm not sure I understand why I am not getting the looking aspect of this...
That's because you're trying to understand what looking is. It's not a technique or a method, you already know how to look, you've been doing it your whole life.

I'm not really sure.. sometimes I don't know if i ...

I knew this was coming haha this is a trouble spot for me. I cannot seem to get out of the intellectual drama. when I try to "look" is when the fears show. "what will happen if I see this" "will I lose my personality, my opinions, my desires, goals" "will I become a bad person" there is also a fear ...