Hi Stacy,

Not been posting for some time as you know.
Been busy adjusting to things.
Have felt a lot more love lately.
A lot more non-resistance.
And a lot more of everything.
Still needing more time to adjust.

The exercise you posted didn’t do much at all.
I think I need to do some more settling ...

Hi Stacy,

I have now seen through self.
After a 2h long meditation session last night I saw that the idea of self is just a mental projection that is created and maintained by the mind.

Just like my mental image of any other individual is just an internal mix of memories and emotions, so is the ...

Okay thanks, I will go through the thread again

Can you see that?

No I can’t see that they are lies, then I wouldn’t have said it.

So why did you get fooled again when a man put the red Santa Claus suit on?
You have already SEEN that it is only a man. No conviction is required.



That is a memory now, my current seeing is the one I ...

I am so sorry for being difficult 🙃
Will try to keep the length of my writing shorter

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self?"

No.

I have done some more investigation and now I can frame the ”I” quite accurately:

What I am pointing to when saying I is
- A contraction, a control center ...

Internally, I am almost laughing at myself for refusing to finally just let go of this mind made house of cards I call "me" because its falling apart card by card. Its quite obvious now that THAT cant be a self. A self isnt a real thing, and if it was it wouldnt be this.

All thats left now is for ...

Am I investing too deeply into figuring out the technicality of things?
Yes I think I do. In fact, im sure of it. I cannot help it. Ive always wanted to pick things apart and try to understand.
Ive been told that is useless here, because the mind cannot understand this.

I realize that I can go a ...

Thanks Stacy,

OK I am looking. Let's use the questions from the inquiry:

Does the sense of self have a location?

I spent more than 2hrs looking at this question, unable to answer it 100% truthfully.
The best I can do is to say that while it is in a non-specific location - it is definately with ...

Something is cooking, something is stirring..
Had deep deep meditation sessions where insights come quite frequently.
Most important one - The illusion of "me" with a past, relationship to objects, and an upcoming future is "written" NOW - just like in a dream at night the dream character has a past ...

Often people mistake the lie feeling of contraction for a "self." It's not.

The lie feeling. Can you expand a bit on that please?
It’s a contraction felt from living the lie of a separate self?
Then, will it fade as we give the lie less and less importance and start living from/as truth instead?

Conviction. Not 99% but a 100% realization that there is no such thing as self. Now, all the bits and pieces (proof if you will) of a self are still very present. Maybe some time is needed for things to land?

Another thing missing is inner piece and contentment which I assumed realization ...

I didn’t do these before..

I want to work closely with these questions and similar ones.
They are really spot on and I understand that the answers to the questions doesn’t mean anything at all - it’s what I find when looking.

And I did see! I saw that sense of self is a mirage and I saw that it’s ...

I am playing around with Adyashanti´s "True meditation" again after abandoning it for years for more, shall we say, strict and purposeful meditation techniques. When I tried perfecting it in the past i must have underestimated how deeply one needs to let go of control for "True Meditation" to occur ...

Some say "ego" completely drops away - and that is that.
And some say that "ego" is simply seen for what it is, and now the work can start to untangle the web of illusions that it has been creating and maintaining.

Whats what here?

How do I know when I'm "done" with the first fetter? How do I know when I have seen through self?

I have had experiences in the past of self dropping away completely and there is now a logical understanding that self does not and cannot exist.

Yet I experience self. And there is alot of seeking ...