Hi Jon,

Nothing much to report. I've continued to work on my self love practice and trauma processing which is good.

Noticing a lot of automatic beliefs come up about what awakening will do. Trying to ignore these. They're not really in ‘my’ control anyways.

I'm not sure I can answer the question ...

Hi Jon,

The idea that I’m not done yet is a thought-belief arising mixed in with expectations that there will be some sort of moment-experience that will finally put this doubt to rest.

The expectation is that there will be less suffering and more of a special experience of my life. That there ...

Hi Jon,

Things are going well. Noticing that through all this trauma processing self critical thinking is lessening. More space for self (Harry) love and confidence. Not sure how important those are for the inquiry.

The noticing of the illusion of the self happens spontaneously and automatically ...

Hi Jon,

I have to say I haven't done much basic noticing. I've been going really deep into letting go of past trauma and painful experiences the last few weeks. It's been important for me to do.

I'd like to pick up this inquiry again by doing as you said noticing. Anything else I can be doing ...

Hi Jon,

Definitely. They can make it seem like something special must be experienced or self-inquiry “hasn’t worked”. This is nonsense and would be funny if it were not that it , and similar sorts of reasonings, are a catch 22

It’s also sort of mixed in with a craving for a peak experience. Like ...

Hi Jon,

Thanks for this. It clarifies things a lot.

I will keep a note of any other ‘expectations’ come up. I can see how expectations can obstruct noticing and cause confusion when they are not met.

What do you think I should look at next?

Harry

Hi Jon,

You’re bang on about expecting some sort of experience that finally confirms it.

Here are some thoughts that come up:

- “I'm wondering why my emotions are still so intense”
- “I hope I have a experience of oneness and freedom”
- “why haven't I see through it all yet”

Harry

Hi Jon,

I suppose a lot of seeing and noticing has happened, but there is still doubt and a belief in a self coming up. I thought that would fall away once enough seeing through the illusion has happened.

Harry

I wonder as well. It's interesting, thinking badly wants the answer and tries to grasp no-self. That's what is happening at the moment.

I find attention doing its own thing, actions happening, a sense of self arising in the head and face but still not quite there.

Harry

Hi Jon,

Yes that sounds familiar :)

So this time attention went to drifting and focusing, with an impression of a ‘self’ doing that. Well noticed!

But the first time, where you mentioned the feeling of peace, it sounds like that was freer and just happened naturally?

Yes it happened naturally ...

Hi Jon,

I’ve sat with the pointing.

I have some interesting things to share.

I saw in my latest inquiry that having a strong belief in the self that appears from time to time and confusion about not seeingbl that there is no self that also appears from time to time are big components of what ...

To your final question

Do either of these ‘places’ exist?

These ‘places (past and future)’ only appear in imagination. They only exist to the extent that they pop up in a thought happening now.

Hi Jon,

Thanks for this. I’m enjoying this inquiry.

Great! This is good. Yes, it does seem to be an idea or impression of a me in thoughts. As you say, “through time”. There is the appearance of an unchanging entity that ‘passes through time’. But time it’s self is of interest too. How much of ...

Hi Jon,

Everything has settled down. I’m still in the situation but the emotions are not as charged.

Still looking at these questions. I can see thoughts clearly appear and dissolve. I can see they have the idea of a me in them that goes through time. They point to an impression of a self. They ...

Lots of feelings of dread, confusion and anxiety coming in waves, triggered by certain negative automatic thoughts about a “me” and the situation ‘I’ am in has mainly been what been bubbling away.