Seeking An End to Seeking

[Rainstorm]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is no real division between you, other people, & the world around you. The concept of "self" or "ego" as something separate from the rest of existence is a mental construct. Instead, everything is seen as expressions of the same underlying reality or consciousness. Self is a temporary and fluid appearance within the whole.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking to awaken to to the knowing that myself and my experiences are not separate from the rest. I am looking for an end to attachment to what is happening in my life. I'm fully aware that my emotions, my thoughts, my suffering, as well as my "self" are all an illusion, but I still find myself being very attached to the illusion, mostly to the thoughts and feelings of "I don't want this" or "I want that." I realize that the illusion is happening, but I still get swept up into it.
I don't expect suffering to end, but I do hope for the attachment to suffering to end.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I hope to get some guidance on what to do in the moments where I'm feeling attached to an experience of existence, whether it be a feeling of desire, happiness, pain, etc. Or perhaps I need someone to tell me that I shouldn't be focusing on doing this work in those moments. I know many teachers suggest doing the work in meditation, but I've been meditating for 20 years with nothing to show for it, so I tend to lean towards doing the work when I'm actively living life. That isn't to say that in meditation is where I might find my greatest reward, but I do find that to be the most difficult.
I go through phases where I realize that my "trying" isn't what I need. I once heard a teacher say that awakening is already right here, there is no work to be done, it just IS. You simply need to be it. I get that in concept, but I don't get that when things outside of me happen. If I was able to just sit in my chair in my home and not have life interact with me, then yes, awakened! It's all of the experiences that make me realize that I'm separate.
That's where I need guidance.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
My spiritual practices started 20 years ago when I first heard Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS talking about the power of choosing your own thoughts. I immediately went out and bought all of his audiobooks and books and dove in head first. I followed him and went down the "law of attraction" rabbit hole first, unfortunately. I spent about 12 years toiling towards getting more of what I wanted out of life and less of what I didn't, and in the end it fell very flat. I also read many books on Buddhism (Pema Chodron, Thich Naht Hanh, Dalai Lama.) I took a break from spirituality for a few years, resigning myself to the Buddhist teaching that life is suffering. I found some peace in just embracing that about life, but my hunger for spirituality grew again, and I discovered Adayashanti, Rupert Spira, and Michael Singer and started learning about Non Duality and Awakening 2 years ago.
So now I'm more hopeful that awakening is possible (where for many years I thought it was simply unattainable for me,) but I still recognize that I am still attached to life's experiences, and I don't know how to let go of them even though I wish to.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[warissem]

Hi

I am here to help you see through the belief of a separate self.
Before we begin, here are some recommandations and guidelines :

Read the disclaimer text and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

Be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry. Give your answers through direct experience :seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching or sensation. Thoughts and concepts are used only fot communication here.

Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on. You can read Gateless Gate Crashers book given on this forum.

Learn how to use the quote function here :

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

We can begin when you are ready.

Nour

[Rainstorm]

Hello Nour (is that what you'd like me to call you?)

Thank you, I am very excited for this process. You can call me Rain, if you'd like.

Read the disclaimer text and just confirm to me that you have read it.

I have read the disclaimer and agree to it.

I agree to post daily to every other day as well.

I am ready to get started!

[warissem]

Hi Rain

Glad to know about your commitment to this process.

First, I'd like to know about your expectations. Answer to each question separately.

After going through the illusion of a separate self, let me know :

How will life change?

How will you change?

What will be different?

What is missing?

Best wishes
Nour

[Rainstorm]

How will life change?

Life won't in itself change. My perspective of it will, but life will still include all of the normal things, joy, suffering, happiness, grief. Going through the gate won't change life, and it won't grant me some ability to change life. It will only help me to see that there is no separation between things, it's all one. I used to spend a lot of time on their idea of law of attraction because that was so prevalent in my search results when searching for spirituality, but I don't seek that nor do I think that's how it works. I expect all of the spice of life including suffering to still be there, and I still will suffer in that suffering, but at the same time I will change in that suffering.

How will you change?

Like i mentioned above, suffering doesn't stop, living life fully including feeling all of the emotions doesn't stop, but I believe I will feel more peace alongside of those emotions. I will see that I am not separate in those emotions, and I will see that it's all interconnected. This body has a "disability," and I've spent much of my life feeling very separate or alien from others, like I didn't belong as part of everyone else's universe, because of how this disabled body leads me to interact with this world, but I hope and believe that I will be able to better experience the fact that I am a part of the whole fabric of this universe instead of at times feeling very separate from the universe. I will change in that I will be able to feel and experience peace alongside the true depth of experience that is life.

What will be different?

Perspective will be different. Like I mentioned, I don't expect to be able to change anything other than my perspective, and I hope and expect to know that peace that awakened people speak of. I will be able to see those moments when life feels hard or chaotic and I feel out of control that it's all just energy and that there's nothing to be done. I believe that decisions won't feel quite so intensely serious and that I will feel that peace which will allow me to stop trying to control circumstances so much. I can't control what just flows, so I can stop giving away all of my energy trying to control the uncontrollable. I do fear having no control right now, so I hope that peace which surrounds life after awakening allows me more peace to just let be what is going to be and to actually find peace in what is going to be. I've always been fully aware and okay with the fact that I can't control the big things in life like when a loved one dies, but I've struggled with the idea that I can't even control whether I get a promotion at work or if a colleague gets the promotion I was after, and that's been very hard in life. I hope and believe that this awakening will simply help me see that there's nothing to try to control and it's all just life experience. I believe I will find peace then in knowing there's nothing to be done.

[warissem]

Hi

Some of your expectations are realistic. I invite you to not buy on expectations, what others said. Just lean on the experience unfolding here now and LOOK where I point to.

Now, ponder on the question below :
What is arising as thoughts, feelings or whatever when you read this :

There is no you, no separate self, there never was, there never will be.

Nour

[Rainstorm]

What is arising as thoughts, feelings or whatever when you read this :

There is no you, no separate self, there never was, there never will be.

First thoughts: I don't want to get this wrong. I don't want to miss something important because my thoughts are focused on or stuck on something that won't guide me in the right direction.

The thought of there being no me, no separate self brings me great peace, a sense of deep calm. If there is no me, there is no doing to be done. I can set down my need to DO something. There is no sense of ego fighting this idea; instead, I feel that part of myself which is exhausted with doing, striving, struggling to do or accomplish something, feel great relief at getting to step away from DOING.

Beyond that, there's some sense of "what then is there?" A feeling of tipping into the unknown, so there's a hesitancy and nervousness there to pull back from the unknown. Not for wanting the separate self but for nervousness of the unknown which lies head.

I tend to want to over elaborate, but I don't want to over think these questions, so please let me know if I should be going deeper.

Thank you!

[warissem]

Hi Rain

Beyond that, there's some sense of "what then is there?" A feeling of tipping into the unknown,

Do you see that all what is said above is a thought?. Is being aware unknown ?

so there's a hesitancy and nervousness there to pull back from the unknown.

Look at the sensations without the labels "hesitancy" or "nervousness" and SEE what is there.

Not for wanting the separate self but for nervousness of the unknown which lies head.

There is no separate self here now at the first place.

Best for you

[Rainstorm]

Do you see that all what is said above is a thought?. Is being aware unknown ?

Yes, I definitely see all that was said as a thought.

So I've got to be honest, I've been meditating on this a few times today in short gaps between the business of the day, but it was a hectic day, so in a way it's perfect because I feel very in the content of experience right now and not as able to focus on awareness as I would like.

Look at the sensations without the labels "hesitancy" or "nervousness" and SEE what is there.

I see the energy; I can feel it and taste it as well. I may need to continue to ponder this after a calmer day tomorrow to see if I can see deeper than this.

I apologize for my responses today, but this is definitely why I'm here. I'm very easily distracted by experience. Not emotionally but energetically, and I find myself struggling to focus back into awareness during and after high energy days.

[warissem]

Good morning

You are doing well, don't worry.

I apologize for my responses today, but this is definitely why I'm here. I'm very easily distracted by experience. Not emotionally but energetically,

What is this "I" which is distracted by experience?

and I find myself struggling to focus back into awareness during and after high energy days.

Can you be unaware? There is no need for an effort to be aware, are you aware of these words on the screen?
Is there an "i struggling for something?
If it is so, can you describe it for me ?

Best for you