Thread for Matias

[Ilona]

Hi Matias, we can chat here. Welcome to the forum.
What brings you here? What are you trying to find or become? What do you expect that may happen?

Take your time with thee questions one by one ask them and see what ideas come up. White what feels true in your own experience.

Sending love.

[Matias]

Thank you very much Ilona.

What brings me here is the need and desire for truth, for clarity and the suspicion that the perspective of being a "separate self" is an illusion. What I'm looking for is the end of the confusion, the truth. I do not expect anything, if the change of perspective happens it would be very well but i know that maybe that will not happen, If it does not happen, I'll continue the search.

[Matias]

Perhaps there is an idea that the truth will improve "my life and circunstances", but I know it is not necessarily so.

[Ilona]

Thank you for reply. Sounds that you are right and ready.
Tell me what come s up when you ask this question- is there I? What does it do? What is its function?

No rush with answer, you can spen a whole day working with these questions.
Sending love.

[Matias]

. The truth is that I do not have a clear answer.
When I ask myself: Is there I? It is not clear, i can´t say that there is an "i" or that i am here, i can say that there is something, the feeling of life, of existence, vivacity, things happen, but I could not say with certainty that there is a self or something separated, nor could I say with certainty that there is not a self, because most of the time there is the perception that I am here and that i am who speak with other people and that i am the entity whom situations happen, but not always.




- What does it do?

If i ask myself "What does it do?", i feel that i am talking about something else, i can say that it do nothing, or maybe i can say that it identifies itself with certain things.

- What is its function?

I think that it function is to make a sence of centre in life and feel that it have some control.





. If I ask myself "What do I do?", It is not clear, I can say that I think, but it is not clear, because I do not know how to do that thing, if I have to explain to somebody how to produce thoughts It would be impossible to explain because i don't know how i do that, for that it is not accurate to say that i produce the thoughts.
I feel that maybe it is more accurate to say that thoughts are produced for nobody.



If i ask "What is MY function?. I feel that explore and live, survive, protect myself for die, and do whatever i do.



But is not clear, it's all very subtle and confusing. It is not clear if i exist or not, so my perception of things and my responses maybe will not be the most clear, because they are constantly changing.









I will continue observing and if I get clearer answers I will write again.
Thank you!

[Ilona]

The truth is that I do not have a clear answer.
When I ask myself: Is there I? It is not clear, i can´t say that there is an "i" or that i am here, i can say that there is something, the feeling of life, of existence, vivacity, things happen, but I could not say with certainty that there is a self or something separated, nor could I say with certainty that there is not a self, because most of the time there is the perception that I am here and that i am who speak with other people and that i am the entity whom situations happen, but not always.

When you ask this question is there silence?
Ask again and wait. The silence is not the absence of the answer, it is the asnwer, can you see?
The mind can only describe and talk about what is happening, happens and may happen or not... But look underneath the mind, see what is there? What is that listens to the mind?

Is there a separate self to which life is happenings?

Write what feels true.
Sending love

[Matias]

Sorry when I do not answer quickly it is because I am trying to observe as clearly as possible.
These questions seem important.
I keep looking.

[Ilona]

That's good, better take your time. No rush at all.

[Matias]

When you ask this question is there silence?

Not really, it's like I do not know where the question is pointing. I can not find something that i can say it is me, but it does not really clarify me much.

But look underneath the mind, see what is there?

When I look under the mind, I find nothing.

What is that listens to the mind?

When I look at what is listening to the mind I can´t find anything, that feel like an aha, but nothing change.

Is there a separate self to which life is happenings?

It feel like yes, feel like things happen to me, things feel personal, feels like i am here, that I am in danger, that I need to solve the problems, that I'm going to suffer, i will have problems, etc. But for moments it feel like there is no me, or like all is one, the limits betwen me and the rest are not clear.



I keep looking.

[Ilona]

Good work, thank you for looking.
Can it be that you can not find the I because it's just not there?
If I ask you to find a unicorn in your room right now, where do you look for it? Look around, where is it? Do you even need to look for it?

Now look for Matias, where is he?

If I ask you to touch Matias faith a finger, where does the finger land?

Write what feels true.
Sending love

[Matias]

Thanks Ilona

Can it be that you can not find the I because it's just not there?

Yes, it can be.

If I ask you to find a unicorn in your room right now, where do you look for it? Look around, where is it? Do you even need to look for it?

I would search because I believe that everything may be possible, but seeing that it is not here is enough to know that it is not.

Now look for Matias, where is he?

I think that i cant find it.

If I ask you to touch Matias faith a finger, where does the finger land?

If I try to touch Matias (touch myself), I can not find anything to touch.







I want to tell you that the other day I was talking with Jorge Moncayo. And he asked me, What are you? A thought? a sensation?
At first the question felt without sense, but then there was a kind of Aha, like there is nothing that is me, and from that moment I feel that there is a subtle change. As if the protection mechanism were falling away and as if the strong emotions had nowhere to be grasped, but still subtle, I'm giving a little of time to see how it progresses.



I will keep looking the questions.

[Ilona]

Lovely! The shift in perspective can feel very subtle, almost unnoticeable, it does not have to come as a big experience. Essentially it is a drop of belief, simple as that. Then everything starts looking different.

Emotions come and go, they can be intense, the question is is there a feeler? Is there an entity to which emotion is happening to? Feel what you feel right now, whatever sensations are present, feel the bum on the chair, feet on the ground, breath coming in and out. Is there a gap between perceived and perceiver?
Is there a being side the bag of skin, making body do what it wants?

Have a good look and describe what you find.

Sending love

[Matias]

Thank you!

Is there a feeler? Is there an entity to which emotion is happening to?

This is not clear, i can say that there is not. That there is no me, that there is only the emotions.

It is not really clear, at times there are feelings of being guilty or being the victim, being good enough or not good enough, etc., but feels like that game is falling away.

For moments seems that there is nothing to protect, that there is nothing that can be hurt.

Is there a gap between perceived and perceiver?

The change is very subtle, but feels like no, when "i" search for the perceiver, i find nothing.

Is there a being inside the bag of skin, making body do what it wants?

It feels as if there is no intermediary between the urges to do things and the actions. As if there were no appropriation of the decisions. There are the same type of decisions and thoughts but for moments seems like that decisions don´t need to be labeled as "my decision" or as "i decide".





All this is very subtle, and at times confusing, I think that maybe it is a trick of the mind to end all this search, I will continue to see what happens and see if it is still clarifying or if I should continue the looking.


I will be with the questions present.

[Ilona]

Good stuff!
For today observe the language itself and how it creates the illusion of a doer.
When we see I breathed I sit, I walk, I eat, I feel, I think, language assumes the subject that does the action. But look closer and notice, that action happens, no matter how it is described by language.
Is there I in breathing or breathing is happening by itself?
Is there I in walking, or legs are moving without the special effort from the mover?

Here is an exercise for you, do it here or on paper and watch how you feel, how body feels when what is happening is described differently.

http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/labels.html


Tell me, is I something that describes or is part of the description itself?

Is there a difference between using and not using the subject? How does it affect how you feel about what is happening?

Sending love

[Matias]

I'm going to do that now and take the day to observe it.

I take this opportunity to ask you this question. I saw the video you made with Will Pye, and you talked about the law of attraction, I've tested the law of attraction during these years, and I have the feeling that it's real, that what we feel is happening vibrates in ceirtain form and with time, that vibration materializes.

Could you explain to me how the absence of "I" and the law of attraction can match?
In the video I also saw that you said "I am responsible for my life" and things like that.
I do not doubt that you are telling the truth and that you are speaking from a place of clarity, but I find it hard to understand.
If you could explain a little how that two things match, it would be good for me.
If you think that that is not necesary now, is fine.






I'm going to look this thing about the lenguage and then I'll write you. Thank you!