Looking for a guide ♥

[onedrop]

Hi!


I have found my way to liberation unleashed after reading a blog by someone who realised who they are when working with a guide here.

I have been a seeker for many years and i have peeled off some layers. But it has been a slow process. My body is very sensitive for energy blocks and i'm still identified with that pain eventho not as strongly as i used to.

I would appreciate it very much if someone could take the time to work with me. I'm ready :)!

Thank you!

Onedrop

[0kay]

Hi onedrop,

i´d like to guide you for a while if it is okay to you :)
The guide here come from all around the world. I´m from germany so we can talk in english or german.

Read the topics in THE GATE about how it works, how to do quoting and the rules. If you agree then just answer.

Please talk a little about yourself and your way before.

What do you know about the "i" from your own, direct experience?
Hurting and sensitivity, when does it appear?
Could it be a material matter from outside your body or is it more like stress or feeling not accepted?

[onedrop]

Thank you very much Okay :)! I appreciate you taking the time to guide me.

Please talk a little about yourself and your way before.

I've been a seeker for many years. My path started from a really deep depression and anxiety. I had driven myself to a dead end and had no choice but start letting go of the stuff I was holding onto. I've been studying Tolle, Adyashanti, Jed McKenna and many other teachers. I have been practising meditation for many years. The main teaching I have followed is Nisargadatta's simple 'be with the sense of 'I am''. Like I mentioned I have peeled some layers and dropped many attachements but really slowly. I have had a couple of little glimpses to who I really am. I have been a searcher of truth since I was a teenager as I couldn't understand how people could be so sure about the reality they were living as the truth. But I used to think I was the mad one for questioning it ;)!

What do you know about the "i" from your own, direct experience?
Hurting and sensitivity, when does it appear?
Could it be a material matter from outside your body or is it more like stress or feeling not accepted?

My 'I' seems to be directly linked to the physical/emotional pain I am experiencing. Previously my mind was obsessed finding something wrong from the world externally to explain my pain. With no success in that I was trying to find something physical to explain the fear. I came to the realisation that it's neither of those things. I'm just simply waiting for the piano to drop on my head at any moment. And in those rare moments when I'm not constricted with fear, I am light and almost transparent. I realise intellectually that since the pain has not always been there, it can't be who I really am but it hasn't clearly sunk in with me. I haven't even got an internal dialog going on in my head about the bad things that might happen. In fact my mind likes to pose as a really chilled out lady :). But somewhere deeper, I don't trust the universe at all to look after me. And my body reacts with physical illness to this fear.

[0kay]

Yes, onedrop,

i see there is much fear-emotion sometimes. So we can have a break when you feel the need to have a look for fear. And we can talk between questioning and answering for better understanding.
But guides can give no advice if this is the right way for your health, so talk to your doctor when needed.

If you want to continue you should take down any other concepts and methods for the time we need here. Guide use direct pointing to the things along the way and your part is to have direct experience in looking for that. Then you answer about this direct experience. We have time in looking and writing as much as needed, there is no hurry.You have to answer all of the questions and with 100% truth for best results.

Like I mentioned I have peeled some layers and dropped many attachements

What have you seen by your own, direct experience when doing this, what results should have come and what results really happened?

How do you handle the fear, do you try tro avoid and look away to other matters or do you try to look at it to find out about?

How does it feel when i say that you have no i?

'I' seems to be directly linked to the physical/emotional pain I am experiencing.

we have to look for different matters and we can look for body senses in the next step to calm down and see about the link between thoughts, "i" and senses. Is this okay to you?

[onedrop]

What have you seen by your own, direct experience when doing this, what results should have come and what results really happened?

I have become somewhat more transparent. Like there is less of me as in there are less stories about me. Before my head was filled with thoughts such as 'I'm a horrible person'. I had hoped for it all the stories to drop but they haven't.

How do you handle the fear, do you try tro avoid and look away to other matters or do you try to look at it to find out about?

I do both. I sit and look at the fear and breath into it. When I think about it, I tend to look at more it when I feel the fear strongly beacuse I can't ignore it. But on other times there is a sort of background feeling of unease and unhappiness which I often cover up with doing other things.

How does it feel when i say that you have no i?

What comes up are thoughts about really wanting to see this. When I look for this 'I', my focus goes into the centre of my body to my heart, throat and head. I to me looks like the feelings in my body.

we have to look for different matters and we can look for body senses in the next step to calm down and see about the link between thoughts, "i" and senses. Is this okay to you?

Great!

[0kay]

There are basic senses and there are thoughts and expectations about what was felt by basic senses.
A wooden chair is made from laths and tiles. Thoughts about seeing this combination gives the word "chair". Different pictures in left and right eye could lead to an assumption about "distance" even if it is only a flat picture made from...

Here an illusion to see what thoughts and expectations make from: https://translate.google.de/translate?s ... edit-text=


The first basic sense to explore is seeing. Looking at hand, relaxed without thoughts.

What was basic seen?

In this basic seeing, was there a distance, a thought, a word, a sense for time, an i?

Basic looking at both hands near to the other, was there a distance felt in basic looking?

[onedrop]

What was basic seen?

In this basic seeing, was there a distance, a thought, a word, a sense for time, an i?

Basic looking at both hands near to the other, was there a distance felt in basic looking?

There is no sense of I in looking at the hand and no thought or or a word. Nor is there is a sense of time. I see a form of a hand but at the same time I feel warmth and the distance of the hands.

[0kay]

Yes, onedrop.

Eyes can see just dark or bright and colours.

Feeling warmth, was this basic seeing or something other?
How did this feeling appear, was it a sense of the body, what was this?
When did it appear exactly, at the same time when looking began or as a result of continued looking?

Now try tactile feeling without thinking. A hand on the table.
What is felt?

Was there any feeling of time, inside or outside?

Was there a thought or an i inside this feeling?

[onedrop]

Feeling warmth, was this basic seeing or something other?
How did this feeling appear, was it a sense of the body, what was this?
When did it appear exactly, at the same time when looking began or as a result of continued looking?

I think in my mind that the feeling was not part of the seeing but it appears at the same time so it feels like it is part of it. It is a sense of the body. When I continue looking there is a feeling of tingling on my hand as well as the warmth.

Now try tactile feeling without thinking. A hand on the table.
What is felt?

Was there any feeling of time, inside or outside?

Was there a thought or an i inside this feeling?

I feel the coldness of the table my hand is resting on. There is no feeling of time. There are no thoughts initially but the come after a little while. But there is no sense of I to it. I have noticed that before that the further away from my head or heart in the body a sensation is, the more feeling of I there is.

[0kay]

Good work.

You found out in basic looking that there was no i.
In basic tactile feeling there was no i.
There were came thoughts and feelings of warm and some feeling to have an i inside when awareness were outside, right?

You know that not everything we can think about or feel about is real: We can see a video of Spiderman in action but we know he is not real. Santa Claus, a good feeling in wintertime but there is only an older man in supermarket wearing red clothes. In summertime we don´t think about Santa because it´s not needed.

Let´s look for the i-feeling:

Is it everytime in action?

Does it make decitions?

Is this i-feeling the actor of doing?

Is there a special center of i in the body or outside the body?

[onedrop]

There were came thoughts and feelings of warm and some feeling to have an i inside when awareness were outside, right?

Yes that's correct.

Let´s look for the i-feeling:

Is it everytime in action?

Does it make decitions?

Is this i-feeling the actor of doing?

Is there a special center of i in the body or outside the body?

There are some very brief moments when it's not in action. For example when I'm about to fall asleep or am fully focused on some task. It looks to me like the I is making decisions. I feel as many of my decisions are based on fear avoidance.

There are occasionaly moments when it looks to me like the body acts spontaneously without effort but usually it feels like the I does everything and it needs an effort.

To me it feels like the center of I is in my head, throat and heart. Those are the places where I feel pain or blocked energy. But if there's pain in my solar plexus then that is included in the I. The I isn't outside the body though.

[0kay]

Try to look for feelings and thoughts without denying them, without judging them, like in basic sense looking:

Look for basic feelings when they appear. Do they contain an i oder are they made by an i?

Look for basic thoughts when they appear. Do they contain an i oder are they made by an i?

When does the feeling about an i comes to feelings or thoughts?

When something is very interesting in tv for example or when watching to interesting activities:
Is there an i or hurting feelings in body?

There are some very brief moments when it's not in action...There are occasionaly moments when it looks to me like the body acts spontaneously without effort

Does hurts contain an i?
Estimate: How many percent of the day an i shows up?

[onedrop]

I started immediately feeling a lot of resistance after reading your latest questions. Many thoughts in the line of 'but I just want the pain to go away' started popping up and I didn't want to answer the questions. But after looking at the questions many times I decide to answer them regardless.

Look for basic feelings when they appear. Do they contain an i oder are they made by an i?

Look for basic thoughts when they appear. Do they contain an i oder are they made by an i?

For the short moment I'm able to look at the pain without judging thoughts there seems to be no I. The thought of 'I just want rid of this suffocating feeling' comes up pretty swiftly after that. I can't see who makes the feelings before the the thoughts rush in. When the thoughts come they seem to be all made of and made by an I.

When does the feeling about an i comes to feelings or thoughts?

It comes when I start fighting against the feeling and tense up. It can be low level resisting or a full blown 'I don't want this anymore' type of fight.

When something is very interesting in tv for example or when watching to interesting activities:
Is there an i or hurting feelings in body?

When I watch tv there is often a lot of hurting feelings and thoughts about I. This goes with many other activities. The I disappears most often if I do something that is a bit of a schock to the system. When I was in a rollercoaster last week the I was much thinner.

[0kay]

There was seen that thinking could come after basic feeling, good.

There was seen that basic feelings comes from somewhere, good.

There was seen that pain contains no i when looking for it without judging, good.
Is it a relief to see that more often?

When there is basic looking for pain, without judging, how it changes when doing it more often?
What else is felt when basic looking for pain and other things?

[onedrop]

There was seen that pain contains no i when looking for it without judging, good. Is it a relief to see that more often?

When there is basic looking for pain, without judging, how it changes when doing it more often?

I think it would be relief to see it often. At the moment my mind goes back to look for the pain fairly quickly and I worry that the pain is going to be there forever even if I look at it without judgement. But when I look at it for brief moments without judgement, the pain is just a physical sensation. Then the thoughts follow about it feeling suffocating for example.

What else is felt when basic looking for pain and other things?

I feel the aliveness of my body.