I am that I am

[opodaniel]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
By no real, inherent self I understand that we use our mind to make a self. As far as I saw it, when I experience something, in order to "self" there is a space that appears, that push experience and there the consciousness make some kind of gravity that brings about thoughts and experiences from the past that will create a feeling of familiarity.

What are you looking for at LU?
I want to learn to work with the fetters to learn how to investigate hopefully in a playful way. I want to be free of this habit of simulating the world in my mind which makes the life hard to bare although lately it feels like a roller coaster with ups and downs.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Clarity. I expect someone who knows what is doing and can see when I run away, avoid, push, pull and help me get on track. I expect to find independence and be able to stand on my own feet. I expect to find space and direction.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have a practice of daily sitting for about 45 min in the morning. I learned to stay with emotions and stay in the sensations. I take myself less serious and it happens that I burst in laughing when I see my mind selfing.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

[opodaniel]

Sometimes I can stay with the sensation. Hands on the table, no cloth between hands and table. There is a feeling of cold and surface. The feeling is full and continuous. It doesn't say anything about my hand nor about the table. It doesn't define a boundary, it is just there.

Lately I had a lot of strong fears. The Human World is unstable and looks eager to explode. My mother has cancer in advance stage, I look at her and know (at least imagine) this could be her last meal, her last laugh. But she is alive an well for now.
What makes me more attentive with her than with my wife and daughter. I guess it must be the knowing - imagination that she will part sooner then the rest of us.

I look at the fear. Oh my God. Sometimes is so easy to deal with it. It feels like a little electrical wave that makes my body sour. I know fear like forever. I never question it. Now, the more I look the more I see. What do I call fear? Sometimes I see is a contraction in the stomach, other time is the rectum/anus contracting and feeling unease, other times it could be the through, the hands, the jaws, the tongue pressing against the top of my mouth. I decided to stop calling it fear. How about calling what it is when it comes? Why call it fear when there is such much weight attached to it? Why not call it exactly as it is: a contraction there or there. I can relax the tongue, I can breath with my belly and that would help. There's nothing to do with the fear.

I hope I will learn to : listen, read beyond my fears and understand what the guide is writing. Sometimes is so frustrating to read what I want to read and not what is written.

My main goal is to learn how to look and inquire. I don't know if I wish to awake since that is only imagined situation. I want the openness and the tools to use in /on me.

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

Yes, you may have already seen what LU is here to show you, the first 3 fetters. There are groups addressing the other 7.

Usually, awareness won't be 24/7. There's likely to.be a "honeymoon period," and then what we call, "got it, lost it," as untruebeliefs come up to be questioned.

Watch this, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

If so, we have a few checkpoint questions that will help show where you are.

Loving,

[opodaniel]

OMG, that was unexpectedly fast :p. Thanks for taking me in for the ride. The videos you sent are perfectly aligned with what happens. I got a strong pain in the solar plexus about 2 years back, and some more times in the past. The first memory of this ache/contraction was related to selfing, self-importance; it wasn't related to fear. This year it came after a period of peace, and it came in the form of strong fear.

I loved the message, and it is an important one: there will be ups and downs. Yes, it is something to remember. I can tell that I see different identities form while talking. One identity when I talk with my wife, another one when I talk with my daughter, and the next minute, when I talk with my mom, I take the identity of the son. For this contraction, I have had so many remedies over time, from food, drink, sex, walking, and lately, using meditation. Ilona's video is right: I have to look there and see, meet that energy for real, stop throwing things at it.

Let the discovery game begin. I hope from all my heart (and of course mind :-D) to nourish my curiosity and openness.

P.S.: Sometimes I want to write something, and when I read it again, it seems strange, fringe, or awkward. I will be as I am, without retouching it as much as I can.. if there is confusion, it should be visible. If it doesn't make sense... that's the way it is. Also, English is not my first language. Is that OK, or should I massage it through GPT?

[Anastacia42]

Hi

Your English is great.

There is a Direct Looking process for fear. All emotions are Sensation plus a thought label.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=jHXuuyyVtp7c-1R2

And this one:

https://youtu.be/fSTT8nc8cvQ?si=Alcukpbi7SUlXpfi

Look at these & then reply here.

Loving

[opodaniel]

I notice that emotions = sensations + thought label. I noticed also the story that came along. I saw "fear" came as sensation in different places - ass, stomach, eyes, jaws.

I loved the videos, and it is the right time to see more about what is felt. Not just dry - contraction but a little benevolence towards what is here. I will incorporate recognition - hello sensation, openness - you are welcome to stay, love - for what it is doing (protection, keeping energy levels up). I will also try to question it on what is the purpose, what does it want to feel safe. I don't tell myself a story, or it is deep deep below conscious level. I see there is a tendency to sing which makes me think there is a level of uncertainty, and the mind is singing, just like a mother sings to her child, to bring soothing and comfort.

When I look inside, the tongue and throat tend to contract, like giving a boundary to let me know I am there. I thank them, there's no need for contraction to be :D.

[Anastacia42]

Okay. Here's my usual introduction. Please answer the 4 questions in blue, Quoting as instructed below.

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

One thing that is helpful is to come to this forum
& post every day. Sometimes the site goes down. It will be back. Just come back later.

Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?


Loving,

[opodaniel]

Hello Stacy :)
I read both the disclaimer and the FAQ.

How will life change?

Life will continue to flow. Smell will be smell, touch will be touch, sight will be sight, taste will be taste, emotions will be emotions and thoughts thoughts. They will continue to come and go As they did until now.

How will you change?

I hope the selfing will be seen faster and faster and reactivity will be integrated. What I call selfing - the image in mind where the ME exists and which comes with body contractions and emotional tension.I expect to be able to identify that ghostly veil and see it for what it is before it feels yakiii.

What will be different?

Hopefully more relaxed, less focus on imagined scenarios. Enjoying and exploring what is, here and now. Less mind more sensations.

What is missing?

Is funny... it feels like I wait for permission to do so. Even the fear exploration is not something new, is was... "you know this boy, you can start doing it now".

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?

Call me Daniel
I am in GMT + 2 time zone.

❤️

[Anastacia42]

Hi Daniel,

Good. Your expectations are pretty reasonable. Only fear & expectations can keep you out of this present moment where no self is seen.


So now what comes up when reading there's no "self " never has been and that it's all just a made up story?

Loving,

[opodaniel]

So now what comes up when reading there's no "self " never has been and that it's all just a made up story?

Self is a word, that is what comes up. Not that much into metaphysics.
Me is another thing, but this was seen. I KNOW that Me is made from thoughts. Is never there if I don't think about it.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, good.

This is how to LOOK for no self in the exercises - we call them "pointers' - that we will be doing here:

Colored Socks

There is a big difference between knowing that there is nothing to give up and seeing that there is nothing to give up.

Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:

• You can think about it, you can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and you can probably tell me what color you think they are.

• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and tell me what color they actually are!

Hopefully you would agree that you can only be 100% certain by looking.

For the purpose of seeing this "no self" idea, it is very important that you are clear about this difference.

Knowing is about knowledge which is all in the mind and we are not interested in that

We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment-to-moment experience. We are only interested in your Direct Experience in the moment..

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.



Loving,

[opodaniel]

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

I am clear about what Direct or Actual Experience is.

The only problem is that more often than not I used to stay in a dissociated place. What is that? A place where I didn't feel anything, looked like a void, emptiness. In that place, direct experience felt like a hindrance. Now if I look at what is felt, it feels like a generator of sensations.

[Anastacia42]

Great. Try this.

Direct Experience - Labeling Daily Activities

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:

Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists exactly like the one above.

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please.

Refer to the green list of Actual/Direct Experience in the prior post if that helps. Those are the only items any experience can be.

Loving,

[opodaniel]

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please.

I wake up:
Felt the body = sensation
Open the eyes, dark = color
Touch floor with feet = sensation
Walk on the carpet = sensation
A fart came = sound then smell
What should I do today = thoughts


I took it outside:
Walk, step after step = sensation, sensation, sensation
Cold breeze = sensation
Heavy thoughts work = thoughts
Relaxation = sensation
A lady pass in front = shape, colors, then smell
More thoughts = thoughts
Sky = colors
Buildings, road = colors, shapes


Something did happen. while having those heavy thoughts that normally spiral into oblivion, labeling "that" as thoughts cut the chain. It happened a few times. Laughter came ... is just a thought. I guess the simply seeing of what is, using generic labels, at the root and not heavy description help the mind stay grounded here, now.

Yesterday when I saw your post, I didn't want to touch it... is too complex, I have to understand it well, thoughts, thoughts, avoidance. Today I start with looking, the intention was there when I woke up.

While walking the mind was trying to make it into a plan for the future, how will I wake, how i should take this and that sensation, stuff, stuff. Then the label came: thought, then laughter, then relaxation. Is this the cosmic joke? It was funny and natural to see. Like the meme with the gate in the desert and no wall and the guy waiting for the gate to open.

[Anastacia42]

Very good!

Like the meme with the gate in the desert and no wall and the guy waiting for the gate to open.

Yes! Exactly.


Mind Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body? Look. They are there

Loving,