Hoping to find relief

[vistascan]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That there is no separate, individual thing that is referred to by the word "I". That what we normally mean by I is a composite instead of a singular object. That not seeing this is the cause of much suffering.

What are you looking for at LU?
This is hard to say. But I am hoping to attain this no self realization. I do not want to bring in any prior ideas as much as I can and I want to come in with a fresh mind. That being said, I do want to leave this place better than I am now, even if I'm not fully sure what constitutes better. Reduction of unnecessary suffering might be a phrase that sums up my expectations.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
For my habitual self sabotaging mental loops to be disrupted with no nonsense. Since I can always change my opinion or decision on something, I need someone who will press me on somewhere I'm stuck repeatedly so I cannot slack off, as it were. I may also have ideas about realization that are wrong, and I expect the guide to point those out so I can stop chasing false leads. Ultimately I hope to achieve the no-self realization, whatever it may be.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have always had an academic approach. I read a lot of texts on philosophy, spirituality and so on. I'm not and never have been religious in any serious sense. I've also never had any regular practice like meditation or prayer. My approach has been, until recently, academic. It is only recently that I began to take seriously the idea that realization can be something done by so called ordinary people, not only monks and saints.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
8

[Noro]

Hello Vistascan,

Welcome to Liberation Unleashed.
My name is Rowena and I am happy to be your guide. Please let me know what you would like me to call you.

1. Here at LU we assist in the exploration of the idea of the separate self. This is a guiding based on experience that brings a shift in perception and is not a debate. It directly points to what IS through the use of exercises, questions and dialogue. What is expected from you is to LOOK carefully to what is being pointed at. It is this simple LOOKING (not thinking) that brings a shift in perception.

2. Here, we are LOOKING directly into the experience of the senses, which is actually here and now, with the thinking stripped away. It is also known as Direct Experience (DE) or Actual Experience (AE). In this way, we are aiming to discover what is truly happening without the story we tell ourselves. For this process to work you have to answer with 100% honesty, and not relying on thought, imagination or memory - just reporting your direct experience. That would also mean leaving spiritual teachings, philosophies and science away during the inquiry. If you have a meditation practice, please feel free to continue with it as usual – it might come helpful.

3. Please read the following documents from LU *carefully* and let me know if you have any reservations or doubts regarding them:

http://www.liberationunleashed.com/register/disclaimer/

and "Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU.
http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041


4. Please make sure that you are subscribed to your thread. In the top left corner, next to "Post Reply" there is an icon that looks like a spanner. When you click on it there is a menu where you can select “Subscribe topic’. Click on it once. (To be sure that you are subscribed just refresh the page and if you click again should show “Unsubscribe topic”.)

6. Please answer all questions individually, not in a bundle, as this will assist us both in having a clear dialogue. Also it is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. It will save you time in the long run, if a glitch in the system wipes out your answer.

7. When replying to a question it makes it a lot easier to follow the enquiry using the 'Quote Function' to highlight the questions and answers. Here's a video link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fAToDNh9hQ

Throughout this exploration the questions that I would like you to answer are written in blue text. But please check and answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text!!

For the sake of the intensity of the inquiry let’s try to stick to a daily conversation. Of course, life happens, so if you need more time, please let me know. And I will do so as well. This daily conversation will help to slowly unravel the conditioned, conceptual way of looking at our experience and see through the illusion. I cannot stress the value of this more.

What time zone are in? I am in Belgium which is CET
If you're okay with everything so far, we can start.



STARTING THE ENQUIRY: EXPECTATIONS

First things first, let’s get your expectations out on in the open. Only fear and expectations can prevent clear seeing of no self. They might be a bit of an overlap to what you wrote initially, but this is a fresh take.

Please keep your answers as brief as possible.

1. What do you think will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

3. What do you want not to happen?

4. What are you hoping for?

5. What seems to be missing in your life right now?

I am looking forward to our exploration together,

Warm regards,
Rowena

[vistascan]

Hello. You can call me vistascan,

I've read the disclaimers etc and I'm mostly fine with them.

I'm in India, so my time zone is IST.

1. What do you think will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

There will be less wastage of energy in catering to the needs and whims of this separate self, for example, trying to maintain the image of a “good person” or “smartest one in the room” and so on. This will also, I hope, enable me to live life with less resistance, in the sense that I won’t constantly be worried about damage being done to the separate self.

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

A lessening of daily anxiety that is unnecessary. A lessening of chasing things that will “elevate me above others”, like money or knowledge. Also a lessening of constantly worrying about the future or regretting the past.

3. What do you want not to happen?

Anxiety is a pretty big thing for me, the main one actually. I’d like there to be less anxiety. I know the process involves feeling strong emotions and not running away from them. I’m up to the task. I just ask for some patience as I might take some time.

4. What are you hoping for?

Part of me wants this to be over quick, but I know that won’t happen. I’m trying to consciously keep my hopes away, because I do not want to bring what I know about religion and spirituality and these traditions into this process.

5. What seems to be missing in your life right now?

It’s hard to say. I have enough to eat and drink, so nothing's wrong in the material sense. But there is a constant sense of emptiness, of getting objects and experiences I had wanted and then still being left unfulfilled. There is also a sense of grief and guilt over the suffering in the world and a sense that doing things is futile in the face of death.

[Noro]

Hello Vistascam,

I am looking forward to exploring with you! What you have shared here is very helpful and reasonable.

3. What do you want not to happen?

Anxiety is a pretty big thing for me, the main one actually. I’d like there to be less anxiety. I know the process involves feeling strong emotions and not running away from them. I’m up to the task. I just ask for some patience as I might take some time.

You will have all the time you need! I am happy that you mention feeling strong emotions and not running away from them. This is already an important understanding!

4. What are you hoping for?

Part of me wants this to be over quick, but I know that won’t happen. I’m trying to consciously keep my hopes away, because I do not want to bring what I know about religion and spirituality and these traditions into this process.

This is great. It is natural for conventional religious and spiritual knowledge to creep in as a way to understand reality, and we will not be undoing any of these, there will be no new understandings to acquire. Here we will simply be looking at what is actual, what is immediate without any conceptual overlay or conclusions being made.

5. What seems to be missing in your life right now?

It’s hard to say. I have enough to eat and drink, so nothing's wrong in the material sense. But there is a constant sense of emptiness, of getting objects and experiences I had wanted and then still being left unfulfilled. There is also a sense of grief and guilt over the suffering in the world and a sense that doing things is futile in the face of death.

All the above is perfectly understandable. We will explore all of this in due course. Now let's get started/


YOU DO NOT ENCOUNTER REALITY
You encounter your perception of the world and other people's perceptions.


COLORED SOCKS - HOW TO LOOK CLEARLY
I will probably be referring to this example throughout our inquiry as a reminder to always return to your direct experience..

There is a BIG difference between knowing/believing that there is no independent separate self, and seeing that there is no separate self .

If you can’t LOOK for yourself directly, you cannot describe what you see in your own words.
Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what color socks or shirt you are wearing right now you have two ways to answer:
1. You can think about it, trying to remember, or guessing what color they are. Or,
2. You can have a look at your socks and see what color they ACTUALLY are!

You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

For the purpose of this inquiry, it is crucial that there is clarity about the difference in the two ways of answering and stick only to the second way. Attention is focusing on looking at, and seeing what is actually going on right here and right now, which is known as Direct Experience.


DIRECT OR ACTUAL EXPERIENCE IS
Seeing (colors/shapes)
Hearing (sounds)
Feeling or Sensing (body sensations, both internal and external)
Tasting
Smelling
and
Thinking/Perceiving (but without paying attention to the content of thinking i.e. the thoughts)

Direct experiencing is the immediacy that happens before thought arrives to describe, interpret, explain it or give it meaning. The moment experience is talked about concepts are introduced, then responding or identifying with those concepts occurs, which leads to a narrative of memories, associations, and interpretations, conclusions (all thoughts) and so on…


DIRECT EXPERIENCE OF DAILY ACTIVITIES

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities as simply colors, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts.

So for example, when having breakfast, becoming aware of the experiencing of a cup of coffee would unfold like this:

Seeing a cup; simply= colors
Smelling coffee; simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup; simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee; simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee; simply = sound
Thinking about drinking the coffee; simply = thought

Please explore any simple daily activities that can be broken down into these categories of Direct Experience and report back with lists exactly like the one above.

The point here is to understand the difference between what is actually being experienced (Direct Experience or DE) and not what is interpretation (Conventional experience or CE).

Please post several of your own observations in lists exactly like the one above.


Warm regards,
Rowena

[Noro]

Sorry I misspelt your name: Vistascan!

[vistascan]

Please post several of your own observations in lists exactly like the one above.

Returning from work on the back of a bike.

Seeing the traffic and the people; simply = colours
Hearing the honking and general noise; simply = sound
Tasting the mint in my mouth; simply = taste
Smelling the exhaust while stuck in traffic; simply = smell
Feeling the humidity and sweat on my skin; simply = sensation
Wondering when the traffic lights will change; simple = thought

I notice that it is hard to be mindful and remind myself to do this exercise repeatedly. My mind gets carried away by thoughts quite easily.

[Noro]

Hello Vistascan,

I notice that it is hard to be mindful and remind myself to do this exercise repeatedly. My mind gets carried away by thoughts quite easily.

It is very normal to get carried away by thinking (the mind). The power is in the noticing of the getting carried away, rather than the fact you get carried away. Essentially there will be a new habit pattern of noticing being introduced and added as an alternative to being carried away by 'the mind.' To make it simple, you can refer to direct experience or noticing as DE and getting carried away by conceptual experience as CE. It will become easier as we progress, and I am here to remind you!


THOUGHTS - "I AM" LABEL EXPERIENCE
Here is an exercise which examines the way in which thoughts add labels to experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper. As with all the exercises going forward make sure you are comfortable and take a few deep breathes in order to be relaxed. This is not an intellectual exercise, but a kind of whole-body intuitive exercise attentive to the difference in the two perspectives. And you can't get it wrong!

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots.
For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry
I am thinking
I am writing.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time drop the “I am” label. Here you can see that experience, in simple language, does not require an experiencer. It can be just as it is without the addition of presumption of a self, of an "I".

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
hearing clock ticking
looking at computer screen
feeling hungry
thinking
writing

Finally, try the two together, first say with the "I am" label and next without: I am walking / walking

Pay attention to body sensations, watch what is happening in the body. Really take time to sense the difference. It may be subtle.
What is the body sensation when you say "I am ….."
What is the body sensation without the add-on of "I am…."?

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Does one feel intuitively 'truer', more spacious, than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without the labels, in your direct experience?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body between the two ways?

Warm regards,
Rowena

[vistascan]

Ok. I've done the exercise and I'll answer honestly.

1. Does one feel intuitively 'truer', more spacious, than the other, and If so, which one?

The descriptions with the "I am" feel truer. The ones with the bare descriptions felt incomplete somehow, like describing things in third person, like a documentary narrator. But I noticed no difference in spaciousness.

2. What is here without the labels, in your direct experience?

Do you mean without the "I" label? If so, then the experience itself, that is, the itch on the wrist, the sensation of typing, the sound of the fan, and so on.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

It seems to be both in a sense. For example, "hearing the fan" and "I am hearing the fan". Here, the I label seems to affect the experience. Without the I label, the experience seems impersonal and incomplete somehow. So it seems to be both describing the hearing and affecting it by adding in the I experience.

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4. Did you notice any differences in the body between the two ways?

I did not.

[Noro]

Hello Vistascan,

1. Does one feel intuitively 'truer', more spacious, than the other, and If so, which one?

The descriptions with the "I am" feel truer. The ones with the bare descriptions felt incomplete somehow, like describing things in third person, like a documentary narrator. But I noticed no difference in spaciousness.

I am intrigued about the observation that without the "I am" addition was that it "felt incomplete somehow, like describing things in third person...." that makes sense as the subtle energetic quality that can go with "I am" is missing.

2. What is here without the labels, in your direct experience?

Do you mean without the "I" label? If so, then the experience itself, that is, the itch on the wrist, the sensation of typing, the sound of the fan, and so on.

Yes, that is what was meant.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

It seems to be both in a sense. For example, "hearing the fan" and "I am hearing the fan". Here, the I label seems to affect the experience. Without the I label, the experience seems impersonal and incomplete somehow. So it seems to be both describing the hearing and affecting it by adding in the I experience.

Yes, good observation. So when you say ..."adding in the "I" experience." As a subtle overlay onto the direct experience without the label "I am."

4. Did you notice any differences in the body between the two ways?

I did not.

Seeing through the illusion of an apparent separate self is not simply an intellectual understanding, there is an energetic component that goes with it that is known as the "sense of self" or sense of "me". You are already connecting with that energetic component when you say "it seems impersonal and incomplete somehow." It would be great if you would take the time to continue to explore this simple exercise along with the others, in order to develop a familiarity with the subtle feelings in the body that can so easily be missed.


Here is an exercise that follows on from the last one:

HOW TO DISTINGUISH WHAT FEELS FREE AND ALIVE (TRUE) FROM WHAT FEELS CONTRACTED (FALSE/UNTRUE/LIE)

We often 'lie' every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes, there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you might have been grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you 'lied', "I'm fine."

In conventional or consensus reality we are not going to be airing everything that is going on in our lives, but it is important that we become aware of our inner state of body sensations. While the body sensations are true, meaning that our direct experience of them is real, the way we interpret them can be misleading.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie. This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is important to notice the body sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body sensations & able to clearly describe them in words. This will help.
Lies can be felt in the upper body, often in the heart, solar plexus or arms, as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed. It feels like relief, like some heavy load has dropped away. You felt that when you did the exercise dropping the words "I am", do you remember?


First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. You don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what body sensations arise as you listen.

Or, even looking at what happens in your body when you have a thought "I should have done ..............." or, "This should / should not have happened................."

Please report back with what body sensations (without interpreting the sensations i.e.naming emotions) you experienced when the lie was exposed. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.


Warm regards,
Rowena

[vistascan]

Please report back with what body sensations (without interpreting the sensations i.e.naming emotions) you experienced when the lie was exposed. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

I took some time with this and the recalling thing doesn't seem to be working for me. Neither is the lying to myself right now part. What I did notice in daily life is that for me, lying is almost always associated with anxiety of the lie being found out and the consequences. That anxiety feels like a contraction in the chest and below, and often causes my IBS to flare up, meaning I get belly cramps.

These are the only two sensations I know that happen regularly that cannot be chalked up to a physical injury or something like that. But this sense of expansion you mention is foreign to me. What I do know is that while inquiring, sometimes my mind hits upon some conclusion that stops the thought train for a while. This usually happens when I'm drifting off to sleep. During those few seconds, the thoughts get quiet and my attention goes to the senses, mostly to the sense of hearing. But this happens only for a few seconds at the most and I can't generate it at will.

[Noro]

Hello Vistascan,

Thanks for sharing about your experience with the truth/lie exercise. The exercise is all about bringing awareness to what is going on, and I think you received some good feedback.



VISUAL FIELD

Take a few relaxed breaths to let the dust settle for a while, and:

Look to your right.
Then look to your left.
Finally, bring your head back to centre, CLOSE YOUR EYES and look forward.

Okay, so when you look to the right, the view (visual experience) on the right is seen (whatever that is).

When you look to the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).

And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the visual experience in front is seen.

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ to see or not to see? Y/N

I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘blank space’ if you close your eyes.
The question is:

Can you turn seeing off? Y/N
Can you NOT see what is seen? Y/N

Same thing when you are facing to your left, can there be a choice to NOT see the view on the left? Y/N
Same thing when you are facing forward with closed eyes, can you NOT see the what is seen? Y/N

Is there an independent self or 'doer' that can choose to turn seeing off or on? Y/N

Warm regards,
Rowena

[vistascan]

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ to see or not to see? Y/N

I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘blank space’ if you close your eyes.
The question is:

Can you turn seeing off? Y/N
Can you NOT see what is seen? Y/N

Same thing when you are facing to your left, can there be a choice to NOT see the view on the left? Y/N
Same thing when you are facing forward with closed eyes, can you NOT see the what is seen? Y/N

No to all. As long as the conditions and faculties for seeing are present, seeing will take place.

Is there an independent self or 'doer' that can choose to turn seeing off or on? Y/N

Well not through willpower, but the self can damage the eyes, I guess, and thus cause blindness.

[Noro]

Hello Vistascan,

No to all. As long as the conditions and faculties for seeing are present, seeing will take place.

You gave a double answer here: the first answer was a direct "No" to all.(DE) and then there was a conditional answer (CE) given that was not asked for.

Can you see that conventional thinking (CE) is thinking that validates, describes, add-to, interprets, and labels direct experience. CE is an add-on or overlay, It is adding conditions to an experience that is direct, immediate and unconditional (DE).

Please confirm that you are clear regarding these two "modes" of experiencing, as this will be very important going forward, and can be a major sticking point when there is not clarity at the beginning.

Is there an independent self or 'doer' that can choose to turn seeing off or on? Y/N

Well not through willpower, but the self can damage the eyes, I guess, and thus cause blindness.

Can you see that you did not answer this directly, you added conditions. exceptions or circumstances that were not part of your direct experience.

I would like you take your time to relax and go through the whole exercise again as a quiet contemplation and answer this final question from your direct experience.

Is there an independent self or 'doer' that can choose to turn seeing off or on? Yes or No?

And then continue on to the following.


DIRECT EXPERIENCE IS FULL-ON ALIVENESS WITHOUT INTERPRETATION, IMMEDIATE, WITHOUT LABELS.

INVESTIGATION WITH AN APPLE (or any other fruit you have to hand.)
Here's an exercise for you to get very clear on what direct experience is. Place the piece of fruit in front of you on the table.

When looking at the fruit in the usual way, we are looking at something in the visual field, and we will see that there's colour and then we will perceive a shape. Then thinking comes very quickly afterwards with a thought saying "apple" and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

Here is a web photo of an apple:
https://pixabay.com/photos/apple-red-red-apple-2788616/

In direct experience we are simply seeing, and this simple act of seeing does not include any interpretations or descriptions. Those are overlayed through thought onto the visual experience which is totally non-conceptual.

In actual fact, nothing is named in direct experience, (think of a baby that is looking around in wonder), all that is seen is a kaleidoscope of light/color. However, as a concession, for the sake of communicating we can allow a minimum of thought content in order to do this exercise; so we can say that colors and shapes are seen, and thinking is also 'seen' but the content of thought, the thoughts about what is seen, is not included.

Direct experience does not refer to thought content (including labels, interpretations and descriptions) about something.

Direct experience refers to the raw data of sound, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thinking arising, but not its content.

So, as you do this apple exercise, is there really an 'apple' here or only color and shape and a thought about 'apple'?
Can an actual 'apple' be found in direct experience?

While thoughts or descriptions are known, what they talk about can't be found in direct experience.

I hope that this is clear for you. Let me know how you get on.

Warm regards,
Rowena

[vistascan]

Hi. I'm sorry for the delay. I'll answer the questions first and then add some difficulties that came up on which I'd like your advice.

Please confirm that you are clear regarding these two "modes" of experiencing, as this will be very important going forward, and can be a major sticking point when there is not clarity at the beginning.

I understand the difference and will stick to DE only.

Is there an independent self or 'doer' that can choose to turn seeing off or on? Yes or No?

No

, as you do this apple exercise, is there really an 'apple' here or only color and shape and a thought about 'apple'?
Can an actual 'apple' be found in direct experience?

There is no apple in DE. But the visual data and rhe thought apple seem to arise together and it's hard to see them apart.


Now the thing I'm having difficulty with is twofold. One is a recurring sense of futility, grief, and fear, whenever I take seriously the proposition that there is no separate self. All kinds of thoughts about losing my job, being unable to fulfil my goals, not taking care of my family etc come up. Doing the inquiry is difficult because of these. The mind wants to postpone it indefinitely.

The second happens when doing any inquiry looking into DE, like the apple one or the seeing one. The mind keeps insisting that there is an apple there or that there is obviously a separate self, and that I'm crazy for questioning it. It keeps saying that this inquiry will lead nowhere and so on.

While these two are CE, they are making my inquiries difficult. Any advice is appreciated.

[Noro]

Hello Vistascan,

Can an actual 'apple' be found in direct experience?

There is no apple in DE. But the visual data and rhe thought apple seem to arise together and it's hard to see them apart.

I like the way you phrased this. Indeed, visual data and thought do SEEM to arise together, visual data is already thought based since thinking interprets the visual field and zones in on a 'target', sets it apart from the background, names it and does a commentary on it based on past experiences etc. and it all happens in an instant!! We learned to distinguish things and make associations with them when we were very young, and so the neural activity is well established. Now you are introducing a new way of looking at things which is contrary to the old habit, and there will be some time before the new way of looking in DE is accepted. Eventually you will be able to interchange between them.

Now the thing I'm having difficulty with is twofold. One is a recurring sense of futility, grief, and fear, whenever I take seriously the proposition that there is no separate self. All kinds of thoughts about losing my job, being unable to fulfil my goals, not taking care of my family etc come up. Doing the inquiry is difficult because of these. The mind wants to postpone it indefinitely.

Thank you very much for sharing this. This is a very normal step in the process and we can work through this very gently together. Part of our thinking processes are concerned with our security and safety, and when that looks like it is going to be threatened then such fears arise with all thoughts that go with them.

I would like to talk directly to that part of you that fears your world collapsing and say that this will not happen. What we will be doing with this exploration is really about getting a clearer understanding of how the self-structure works. We are not looking to get rid of anything. The mind can be very dramatic in its assumptions, and as we do this process together we begin to look at and question a lot of uninvestigated assumptions that can cause a lot of stress and suffering. We will simply see that what we have always assumed, is simply not what it SEEMS to be.

The second happens when doing any inquiry looking into DE, like the apple one or the seeing one. The mind keeps insisting that there is an apple there or that there is obviously a separate self, and that I'm crazy for questioning it. It keeps saying that this inquiry will lead nowhere and so on.

Yes, the mind will do that. The mind fears you are stepping out of a comfort zone of 'knowing" into territory that is "unknown", of course this is scary, it is unimaginable to the mind that has got used to its established security patterns of thinking. Our beliefs are part of our identity as an apparent separate self in CE, it is just not what it appears to be when we look in DE.

One is a recurring sense of futility, grief, and fear, whenever I take seriously the proposition that there is no separate self.

For the next exploration I would like you to go into the direct experience of the following statement:


"THERE IS NO SEPARATE SELF, THERE NEVER HAS BEEN AND NEVER WILL BE, IT IS A MISPERCEPTION"

Read or say out loud this sentence. Then pause and take a moment and look into your direct experience. Do not force anything. This is not about installing a new belief, it is simply introducing a new way of looking at what we take ourselves to be. Gentle curiosity is what is required.

Can you find anything to name or identify that is truly yourself, that is constant and invariable that stands apart from all other appearances?

After doing it many times, let me know what was seen, especially relating to the sense of futility, grief and fear.

Please share only your immediate experience when you say or read those words,
1. take note of any thoughts that are emotionally charged, even if you think they might be irrational, and
2. Allow yourself to fully experience any sensations that are noticed in the body. Look for any contractions in head, heart or gut.

Please keep to your direct experience and stay away from discussing thoughts or philosophical ideas about a separate self which is all CE.

I hope that fearful part of you now feels somewhat reassured.

Warm regards,
Rowena