What is really true?

[Luchana]

Hi dear Tommy,
Wonderful sharing. It brings here a lot of relief and love.

I have never been really free because of this repressed fear. I have exhausted myself by running away from this fear my whole life. I am so thankful for this realization.

Beautiful to see that. Yes, we are holding different beliefes from our chuldhood.

Now I am welcoming this fear and thanking the fear for everything that it has been providing my life with. It can also be there as long as it wants or leave if it wants to.

Yes, and now it is seen that fear of abandonment is here but we are not afraid of abandonment. Wonderful.

Now notice what is behind that protective mechanism?

Love
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana,

Thank you again. The experience is that I know there is nothing behind the fear. Nevertheless it feels very very real when there is a reaction. Almost that there is death behind the fear. This is the biggest obstacle me I assume. And now there fear reaction feels even more when there is less self to suppress it.

With love,
tommy

[Luchana]

Hi dear Tommi,
I am with you.
meet this fear
and notice that there is nothing but the sensation.
That consciousness appears as this fear .
Look - Is there someone behind it, a persona?
Meet this sensation and hug it and ask it what this part was before to become fear?

Sending love,
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana.

Thank you! The experience is that the fear reaction is very strong (stronger than before) but when I´m feeling the raw sensation it also disappears quite quickly. It doesn't stick for long. Very strange.

I can see that there is no person behind the fear. Only a reaction and sensation. It seems that there has been emptiness or unconditional before this part became fear.

Now I am also trying to experience the Bahiya Sutta again. It resonates somehow very much.

With love,
Tommy

[Luchana]

Hi dear Tommi,
Yes, fear is just coming and this is not because there is someone to be protected, it is an old pattern. Fear can come and go. Just notice that there is no real tiger in the room?

Now I am also trying to experience the Bahiya Sutta again. It resonates somehow very much.

I like it also
"In the seen is only the seen
in heard there is is only the heard..."


But where the thoughts are coming from?
Where the desires are coming from?
are they personal event?

Much love
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana,

Thank you again. And greetings from Bali.

It is seen that the thoughts (and especially judgment I notice now) is just arising from nowhere and can be a result of a triggering also. There is a lot of internal judgement I have observed lately. I didn't notice judgment as thoughts before but now I see "the judger" is not me. This was hidden somehow and I got identified with the judger earlier. There is actually a lot of judgement happening.

Desires I have been working on lately (Fetter 4). There is not that much desiring happening except when there is a trigger. Then a desire can become very strong. It is seen that this kind of desire is just a reaction and not personal at all. It is also dissolving very quickly.

There is also a subtle shift in perception going on. There is a bit less of subject/object perception and more oneness observed, especially in the visual field. It feels like "empty looking".

With love,
Tommy

[Luchana]

Hi dear Tommi,
oh wonderful, greetings to Bali from Sete.
We come back here in the beginning of the month.

We will investigate desires as next step.

You share somehing here

It feels like "empty looking".

Yes. What appear is what is and there is neutral knowing of that.

Now with eyes closed, 100% focus at thoughts.
And notice the very old belief that this "empty looking" is identify with thoughts?

And then notice the idea that there is knowing of thoughts and thoughts and idea about persona between these two?

Love,
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana,

Thank you! I notice that the thoughts arises in the "empty looking" (consiouscness). Strangely, it seems like the thoights are made of the same "stuff" that the consiusness is. Like the thoughts would be a manifestation if the consciousness. There might be a connection with the thoughts and the persona as well. This is a bit hard for me to see still.

Actually, evrything arises in the "empty looking".

Much love,
Tommy

[Luchana]

Hi Tommy,

Actually, evrything arises in the "empty looking".

With eyes closed:
Is there a boundary?
A boundary between the looking and the rest?

Love,
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana,

Thank you! No, When I look, I cant find any boundaries. Everything appears as consciousness?

With love,
tommy

[Luchana]

Hi Tommy,
Beautiful.
Now notice what moves everything?

Exercise:

What the thoughts and hand can do on its own?
Is there separate, solid, body?

Love
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana,

My experience is that everything moves spontaneously by its own. I don´t know what is moving everything actually. I just don´t know.

I was trying to look this morning at the thoughts. I still experience that there is a "me" that can choose a thought. For example: If I choose to think of a red car, I can think of a red car. Then there are also thoughts that pop up totally randomly without any warning. These two types of different thoughts confuse me. This is where I am feel stuck what comes to thoughts. Is the "me" thought that seeminly can choose whichever thought it want just playing tricks to get the identification back? There is not enough clarity here. Or is it just the same "force" that moves my hand insisting that it can think of a red car? This is not seen claearly yet.

Unfortunately my awakening is not that deep. The body is still seen as solid and separate. The body is seen as empty of a self though most of the time.

There is a lot confusion arising. The current environment is mirroring the "old wold " all the time and the identification goes back and forth.

With love,
Tommy

[Luchana]

Hi dear Tommy,

Thanks for sharing that.

I still experience that there is a "me" that can choose a thought.

Is there thinker at all?

There is not enough clarity here.

Yes, because existence of Tommy is not questioned,
Is there Tommy running the show ?
One quick look?

Much love,
Luchana

[Inspirit12]

Hi Luchana,

Oh my god. I can´t find a thinker! I can´t find a "me" anywhere! This is totally crazy.

Is everything (movement of the body, thoughts arising, speaking smelling etc) all happening fully spontaneosuly? Life happens fully spontaneously runned by a mystery force? Or life happening fully spontaneously as a reaction to an event or trigger? Is this how life is happening by itself? Has life force just a human expression? Is the body just an artificial robot that has devloped self awareness? Wtf.,,

With love,
tommy

[Luchana]

Hi Tommi,
Beautiful.
Go in that direction.
Look the whole picture.
Body and the rest isn't it one big happening right now?
Just totality's thoughts are commenting something IN this very moment/happening?

Are there independent bodies in the now happening?
Thoughts are coming to the bodies? :)
Is there an experience that body knows thoughts?
It htere an evidence that thought knows body?
or they both are know?

Love,
Luchana