Charlie Looking for a Guide +

[charlieaa]

Fri nite, Sept 6 17:20

HI SILVIA!!

New computer up and running. Last week this new one crashed on the 2nd day. Looks good now.

I've had a lot of time to get into nature, take a break from intense looking/seeking. I need some days to get this machine all installed and catch up on bills ++. Am eager to ask a few questions and hear your's too.

Thank you for giving me space.

L,

charlie

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Whenever you're ready Charlie :-)
xx

[charlieaa]

Monday, Sept 16 20:00 PDT

Hi Silvia,

The looking continues. I have read only one outside source: In "Gateless...' Charles' Story. Very closely parallels my experience. Your guidance has shortcut several of the issues in that piece for me. My "mirror experience" and the seeing that all thoughts are linear, serial - actually unconnected - have been helpful recurring perceptions. It gives a certain freedom. Your question "what more is there to be seen?" arises. Also, your statement re "relaxing in." Charles' story, however, reminds of your questions re direct experience rather than my customary cerebral leaning to "talk myself into profound stuff." That said, there's a felt need to look deeply into those direct experiences again. So, again, The looking continues.

We have covered so much: expectations, Identification with the self, sense of control, ... that the urge comes up to sift thru and build a "practice" out of it. But then, that's seen thru too.

HOWEVER, surely it's the new medication (last two weeks) but there is great anxiety, depression, SELF-talk and fear of death arising. I want to go hide, stay in bed. But this is also seen as a great opportunity under duress to really dig in and investigate what this sense of sense of self is. Dying people in great pain wake up, after all. And, my Dr. says this is temporary-another week. Your pointers on the medication complication will be greatly appreciated! (Yes, this is stories.)

It feels like you are censoring yourself, in case you say the "wrong" thing.

I hope you'll stay with me! Your guidance has moved "me" to a new good place. Right now, these days, are difficult. But, there is a felt need to make contact today. You said not to be afraid to write what's going on.

Oh yes, my good friends have invited me to their Rupert Spira gatherings. The last time I went, I wrote you some words that had "different definitions." :)) I've made my apologies to them lately. So, Silvia, there is a feeling of anticipation to returning to our posts.

May you be well,

charlie

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Hi Charlie!

Good to hear from you again. Sorry medication is making you feel unwell. Remember to be kind to yourself too!

You say you are a cerebral kind of guy, so let's plunge into the senses instead of the thoughts. Let's examine the body.

Is there a body Charlie? (Remember to focus on the senses not the thoughts). Write not what you think is the right answer but from experience.

Much love
Silvia xx

PS. I'm going to be a bit busy the next couple of weeks. My parents are coming to London and I've just started a new course, so I may not be able to write everyday.

[charlieaa]

Wed Sept 18 15:45 PDT

Hi Silvia,

The medication issue seems to be solved-Dr said every day (NOT skip days) and started taking it in the morning-smooth sailing!! And clear(er) head.

OK-focus on the body.

Is there a body Charlie?

Knee-jerk answer is no. Only perceptions - seeing a form and feeling sensations. THEN thoughts labeling those perceptions. With eyes closed, "body" doesn't exist. Just the sense feeling - maybe temperature/skin/"internal" sensations - even sounds.

BUT, I'll take time to really

(Remember to focus on the senses not the thoughts)

in the coming days-no knee-jerk then!

May you and your family be well and happy!! I'm so grateful for your patience, I'm glad to reciprocate. More time to LOOK!!

charlie x