Doubtful

[Alless]

So good that this has been seen Isil. There is joy here that this has been recognized

The mind is such a trickster. It is awesome really. 😊

So in all of this investigating this is at the heart of it - simply recognizing when we are caught in the web of thought.

Can it be that simple? Yes. Yet again and again we get caught !! Getting caught is not failure. Recognizing when we have been caught is the key. So what is called for is continually watching where we are "dwelling" - in thought, in belief OR in freedom from the illusion woven by thought. And clear seeing of the fact that we have been caught is all that is needed to restore freedom !
Just relax into this watching over the next few hours and let me know what happens




Rather than being disappointed when you find yourself caught let yourself feel the satisfaction in having recognized that you have been caught ! Being disappointed gets us entangled in the web again !!

With love


Alan

[Ixilay]

Hi Alan,

I did as you suggested and for the first time fully sank into the Sutta all of a sudden. Got a few glimpses, hard to tell the content yet i could say i finally got what " the totality of an experience" could be, stripped from mental constructs.Felt like i found a resting point where identification with the mind is clearly seen over n over n over...
I ll continue resting there since it feels like the more i relax n rest there, the mind peels itself off its layers more.

Love,

isi

[Alless]

So Beautiful Isil

With love


Alan

[Ixilay]

Alan,

Yesterday sth like a shift happened and i got to see that i m not in the body for the first time.what it actually means "to be aware of being aware". A few energetic shifts also happened during meditation n then this realization became more clear. It came along when the mind said' i dont know' then the system relaxed more and a different way of finding out is revealed. I m still settling into it so not very good with words at the moment but just wanted to give a feedback.

Thank you🙏
Isil

[Alless]

It came along when the mind said' i dont know'

A really good place to be Isil. Truly realizing that the mind doesn't know creates an irreparable blow to the illusion. A bit like the old tale of Humpty Dumpty. There will be efforting felt - sometimes intense efforting - to put it all back together again. But eventually to no avail when the truth has been realized.

Just stay with that realization Isil. Let it take hold. And when the mind chatter reasserts itself just, stand back so to speak. watch it and let it be. No need to give it any attention and it will somehow lose its potency !

I m still settling into it so not very good with words at the moment but just wanted to give a feedback.

A tendency to help settle things can arise. Avoid the temptation to do anything to settle into it. Just be with the clear seeing and let settling happen and be deeply felt. This is subtle but very telling.


With love


Alan

[Ixilay]

Hi Alan,

I just want to give an update:)
I ve been in the observation mode last couole of dates. It s like oscilating between states. Understanding deeper n deeper what the optical ilusion that people r talking about is. Like i dont have any more questions but just trying to relax more into what s going on and this slightly different feeling of being that s present here recently.
I m travelling at the moment n just watching

Love

Isil

[Alless]

Thank you Isil,

I do appreciate the heads up 😊

relax more into what s going on and this slightly different feeling of being

Lovely ! Relaxing into this is a key. And while relaxing into this remembering there are two "things" to see.
1. The clarity of what is always here
2. What causes that clarity to be "tarnished" It will always be some form of thought. Seeing that clearly is all that is needed for it to resolve. It is like wiping a windshield clean on the car.

Safe traveling.


With love


Alan

[Ixilay]

Hi Alan,
I m on the road n i ll be this way for about a month and in full time inquiry it seems:)
A few things i want to share with you:
First of all i feel deeply grateful for your amazing guidance, i dont know if i can thank you enough🙏🙏🙏

For the past couple of days, i ve only been watching n seeing that there s less n less resistance in mind.there s a lot of processing going on though. Sometimes new understandings happening, other times simply seeing that it s not possible to understand n letting go. Just noticing there s more trust in the process.
So this s what s going on here:)
Much love
Isil

[Alless]

So beautiful to hear what you report Isil

First of all i feel deeply grateful for your amazing guidance, i dont know if i can thank you enough

Hearing and being able to feel into what you are experiencing is all that's needed. It may seem strange but it doesn't feel like I am doing the guiding. You are doing the work and what you post gives us pointers to follow !!

And let me say thank you for your sincerity and love for truth. Can't help but love this beautiful authenticity.

So let's check in with what's best for you now that you are on the road for about a month. No need to rush this and no need to back off either !

You know if this endeavor creates pressure for you responding when you are on the move. And you will know best whether it's best to take a break or be less frequent with posts or just let this unfold in its own way. Just feel into it and you will know.

Let me know what you feel will work best.


With love


Alan

[Ixilay]

Hi Alan,
I m happy to continue posting as all i m doing at the moment is actually taking time off of everything n just travelling with no purpose or specific destnation so i m actually just watching what s going on internally n simply doing nothing these days:)

A few questions have been showing up recently, or more like self doubts about the process here n there, one is : ok if i dont exist as a seperate self than what m i? Then the mind kicks in looking for an answer, not finding any naturally, trying to imagine how things would look like, how different it would be if this veil fully takes off. So imagination is constantly trying to put a new Self in the place of a potentially non existant one. Like a defence mechanism and it s constant. So i m just watching this going on n on on...

Or while we r travelling n i catch myself very much involved in the mundane flow of things, meaning not inquiring, either guilt or self doubt sets in again.

So this in n out kind of feeling has been prevalent today. Is this normal? I know that even this question makes no sense, but i so want to ask it:)

Love
Isil

[Alless]

Hello Isil

Happy that you are happy continuing to post 😊😊😊

or more like self doubts about the process here n there, one is : ok if i dont exist as a seperate self than what m i?

Seeing that there is no separate self running the show is always just the start. Investigating what am I, where am I inquiries are doorways into the ongoing unfolding.

So imagination is constantly trying to put a new Self in the place of a potentially non existant one. Like a defence mechanism and it s constant. So i m just watching this going on n on on

Ha ha you've spotted it !!! That is perfectly normal as the mind seeks to re-establish its pre-eminence. In fact we all have many selves that we identify with. A writer (not knowing your life situation specifically this is at least one role I think I've got right for you) we identify with the many roles we have in life. Roles such as older / younger sibling, father, mother, wife, husband, partner, business owner, career position etc etc. We imagine so much of what should/ shouldn't be in the many roles we identify with which is all part of living in illusion

So this in n out kind of feeling has been prevalent today. Is this normal?

Yes .....perfectly normal


OK let's take stock of where we are. This inquiry at LU is all about seeing there is no separate self. My sense is that we be very clear about this question first and then we can look at "where to" to take the "deeper dive"

In reality it is not possible to really separate the 2 (discerning between the separate self and continuing the discovery of "What am I" for instance') They are two sides of the same coin. However if we do take this resolving of no-self first of all, we can conclude the thread here and then look at options and decide what feels right for you from there. Also seeing that there is no separate self brings clarity to the deeper inquiries.

Are you happy we approach things in this way Isil?


With love



Alan

[Ixilay]

Hi Alan,
Yes i m perfectly happy to approach it the way you think is appropriate

Love
Isil

[Alless]

That's good Isil

I've got a couple of inklings about what we might explore next however it will be very useful to dig in a bit to see where we are at with a few questions about your experience and any notion of the existence of a "me" that is an independent entity separate from all of life that you are in control of.

Just answer the following with what's true for you right now, rather than any sort of 'ideal' answer.

Is it 100% clear that there has never been a separate individual that could control or own life or be in any way independent from the rest of life?



Is there any chooser or decider of any kind?



Is there a separate individual/entity of any kind whatsoever that could be responsible for anything at all?



Is there a separate entity that started this investigation?



Has there ever been a separate self doing anything?



Is there any confusion at all or anything in particular you would like to address or investigate further about this phenomena of a separate self?




With love


Alan

[Ixilay]

Hi Alan,
Here we go:

Is

it 100% clear that there has never been a separate individual that could control or own life or be in any way independent from the rest of life?

It s clear when i just pause for a second to see. Since i feel like not much has changed or a huge shift has not happened, like i m still operating more or less from the same place n since there are thoughts that say then this is not valid, i feel like i can only answer after a brief hesitation n checking in for a sec. When i check, it s obvious and it s just thoughts after thoughts.



Is there any chooser or decider of any kind?

No, again the habitual thoughts are still there and a belief that says 'this may not be it then' yet easily discarded once looked at.



Is there a separate individual/entity of any kind whatsoever that could be responsible for anything at all?

I see that the word responsible is a strong one for the mind. It creates an automatic hesitation cause this is the first time it feels like it s phrased this way. It s like a reluctant acceptance of what s obvious after a moment of looking.so the answer is no.


Is there a separate entity that started this investigation?

The mind so wants to say yes, i did it, this special entity that has always been a little different than others:) but no, apparently this has all been happening in its own course all along. Just the desire to feel special, more important than others is there, shooting thoughts n memories that would support this claim of its about being superior than others, a seeker.



Has there ever been a separate self doing anything?

I see that when your questions are formulated this way, refering to the past, it s a new, slight shock for the mind due to the belief that i just mentioned, having been a special entity that s just realizing sth now. But there s the knowing here, that this s not true, so again after another brief looking, it becomes obvious that it has just been a snowball effect kind of thing. Layers on top of layers...


Is there any confusion at all or anything in particular you would like to address or investigate further about this phenomena of a seperate self?

There s no confusion, just doubts like these: oh but i hesitated answering a few of these questions, then does it mean that i havent seen thru the self:) that kind:)
It just feels like a new being emerged, like sth between an older sister or an older friend or sth, that s just looking at the ısil character with compassion and not taking her so seriously yet fully engaging with her also.

Love
Isil

[Alless]

Hello Isil

Lovely.

And a couple of things that come up that are worth looking at .....

You say .....

i feel like not much has changed or a huge shift has not happened, like i m still operating more or less from the same place

You also say...

It just feels like a new being emerged,

That second statement feels very different to the first.
Tell me .....which feels closer to what is true?

It s clear when i just pause for a second to see.

Whether it's seen for a second or ten seconds, does that in anyway change the truth?




You say doubts arise. Let's take a closer look at doubts.
What are they?




What are they made of?

oh but i hesitated answering a few of these questions, then does it mean that i havent seen thru the self:) that kind:)

Let's take a look at meaning ......
What creates meaning?



What is meaning made of ?




Is meaning the same or different to belief?




What happens when meaning is not believed?




With love



Alan