Liberation

[graceabounds]

Sounds perfect Ina.
Here for the unfolding as/if needed.
No timeline.
Abundant love,
Becca

[MarRaim123]

Dear Becca,

I’ve taken quite a lot of time now to take the next step — and yes, I’ve taken it, although I’ll say right away that I’m not fully through yet. But I’ve understood my problem.

I have a nervous system that up-regulates with every little thing — and I think someone who isn’t structured this way already has a step ahead of me. My path has been, and still is for now, learning how to deal with regulation first.

Over the past weeks I’ve immersed myself deeply in neurobiology (which is also part of my professional field) and I’ve repeatedly spent long periods observing myself — noticing how I become affectively up-regulated and what then happens. What helped me a great deal was the insight that it is mainly neurotransmitters that constantly demand action and solutions from me.

Not immediately going into action and simply observing quietly for a moment was an important step — even if it doesn’t yet work with every emotion.

What has already progressed very far is my sense of “pressure.” That means I’m now very able to notice what is happening without having to think, “I have to perceive now.” Just casually seeing what’s going on. Here too, the neurobiological deep dive helped me enormously — and also the fact that there truly is a brain region which, when trained, allows perception to become more focused, and then gradually, quite automatically, the sense of “I” disappears, without having to think, “there is no I.”

What often blocked me before was the “direct looking” — “Is there an I?” That tended to create stress rather than genuine perception.

But now I find that very, very often during the day I’m simply doing something and just perceiving what is happening right now. It truly feels like freedom. And it’s fun.

So I’m staying with it — and I look forward to getting in touch again for the “next step.”

With much love, and many, many thanks for all your help so far!

Irina

[graceabounds]

Great Irina!
Being here, now, in what is IS freedom.

I think someone who isn’t structured this way already has a step ahead of me

Is this true? What is 'ahead' or 'behind'? Is there ownership of being one who is behind?

it is mainly neurotransmitters that constantly demand action and solutions from me.

Is there any sense that the neurotransmitters are 'you' or owned by you?

Is taking action or finding solutions something in your control? Or does action simply arise or not arise...


And coming back a few posts:

Yes, it is crystal clear that there is no separate self — BUT at the moment only in stress-free moments. The feeling of seeking has also diminished. What’s missing is the experience of not feeling separation even under stress. That’s what is being worked on right now.

... does this still feel true? Is there anything missing?


Much love,
Becca