I would like to be guided by Poppyseed :)

[Reby]

Thank you with all my heart.
Everything stopped here, but I know I'll be back soon. I don't know when yet, but I will be back.
❤️

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby
Perfect! Don’t rush it.
This silence isn’t absence—it’s the deepest part of the fire doing its work without effort.

I’ll be right here when you return. No pressure.

Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi dear Rali, if you are still available I would like to try to continue
Thanks !

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby
It’s good to hear from you! I'm here.
So tell me…Right now—no past, no future, no story of “how this is going.” Look freshly.
Is there anything at all that is not already just this?
Right now—don’t speak from thought. Don’t give a report. Don’t perform clarity. Look.
Where is the one continuing?
Where is “Reby”?
What is actually here?
Take me there.
Love
Rali

[Reby]

Goog evening Rali

Is there anything at all that is not already just this?

No

Where is the one continuing?

in thought

Where is “Reby”?

in thought

What is actually here?

An indivisible whole. I don't know what it is.

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby
Yes, you saw it cleanly:

An indivisible whole. I don’t know what it is.

That’s it. Not “awareness.” Not “Self.” Not Subject. Not even “this.”
Just not-knowing… fully present.
No foothold for the mind. No watcher. No one continuing.
And that fear?
That wasn’t your fear. That was the last stronghold of the illusion trying to protect itself.
Trying to exist—through panic, through seeking, through clinging to some “awareness” that could survive this.
But who will remain if even awareness is not yours?
What’s left if even knowing collapses?
The simple answer: this.
Not the idea of “this.” Not presence. Not clarity.
Just utter, raw ungraspability—already shining as every breath, sound, texture, flicker of light.
Stay right here, Reby.
Don’t grab. Don’t define. Let there be nothing left to hold.
And look:
Has anything ever been missing?
Has anything ever not been just this?
You’ve seen it.
You can’t go back.

Love
Rali

[Reby]

Good evening Rali

No watcher.

There is still watcher

And that fear?

It's no longer there

But who will remain if even awareness is not yours?

This is not clear to me

What’s left if even knowing collapses?
The simple answer: this.

Yes I see this

Not presence.

Presence is still here

And look:
Has anything ever been missing?

No

Has anything ever not been just this?

No never

You’ve seen it.
You can’t go back.

I would like but i don't know

Thank you ❤️

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby

There is still watcher

So what is this voice saying “there is still watcher”? Who is it for?
What is its authority? What is its substance?
Look directly — what is the watcher made of?
Don’t explain. Don’t describe. Just check.
And when you say “Presence is still here” — who is confirming that?
What is “presence”? What is left if even that word doesn’t appear?

You can’t go back.
I would like but I don't know.

Who is this “I” that doesn't know?
See it now: the entire need to understand is the clenching.

And the fear... It’s just the ghost of that clench, appearing without an owner.
Drop all of it — just for one breath.
Let there be no you, no presence, no watcher, no need to know.
Just this.
What is here before thought confirms it?

What happened was, fear grabbed the wheel, screamed “I’m dying!” and hit the brakes.
But tell me: what exactly disappeared?
Be precise. Don’t use labels. Not “self” or “me” or “awareness.”
What wasn’t there?
And what is here now that says “I don’t want to disappear”?
That fear — what is it protecting?
What would die, truly, if there’s no “watcher,” no “presence,” no “you”?
Point to it. What are you pointing to?

Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi Rali, I hate to say this, but I have to be honest, otherwise I feel like I'm mocking you, and you don't deserve it.
I see I'm not putting much effort into research anymore. At first, I thought it was fear, but now I think maybe I don't want to fully pursue it. (Probably fear or laziness, or both?)
My heart hopes you won't be discouraged by this, because I don't want to interrupt the conversation, waiting, who knows, for something to "unblock" this stagnation, perhaps by continuing to talk about this. But I must warn you that I'm not 100% committed, at least not right now.
I know I have to do the work and no one else, and I'm angry about this attitude. I don't know if what I'm asking of you is right, especially considering the many people waiting for guidance.
I know for sure that if it doesn't happen now, sooner or later I'll come back here again, as I told you, like a moth circling the light until finally—one wrong move—and it's done.
Maybe I'm waiting and hoping for that "wrong move" because maybe I don't have enough determination on my own.
Maybe I just like "flirting" with this, without really wanting to see it through.
I don't know! In any case, it was right that you knew.

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby
Thank you for your honesty. It takes courage to articulate such deep-seated feelings, and I truly appreciate you sharing where you are in your process. It is precisely this kind of honest self-reflection that is crucial for the inquiry to progress.
Your feelings of not putting in much effort, believing it might be fear or laziness, and being angry at your own attitude, are common experiences in this work. This process is often described as non-linear, meaning it's not like moving from point A to B, but rather an unfolding that can involve going deeper into previously explored areas (a circle). There's no need to rush, and comparing your progress to others is an ego trap.

What you're describing, such as a lack of effort or a desire to "flirt" with the inquiry without fully committing, can manifest as resistance or diversions. These are very common. It’s about protecting something, diverting your attention away from what needs to be looked at, as the looking at underlying beliefs is believed to be painful. Thoughts like "I'm happy, why do I want to get upset?" or "It's all just poor me-ing, you know it's only a story" are forms of resistance. It is also seen as an attempt to avoid an uncomfortable insight that is "right around the corner".

Furthermore, expectations about how the process "should" feel or unfold (e.g., expecting a "big boom" or dramatic change) can hinder seeing what is actually happening.

At first, I thought it was fear, but now I think maybe I don't want to fully pursue it.

Your mention of fear or not wanting to fully pursue it is also a recognized aspect. Fear can cause "delusive hindrances" that act as a "stick in the wheel". Doubt itself is considered a "huge thing" in Buddhism, stemming from an underlying belief that one is not aware of, dictating everything in life. It can feel like paralysis, where you can't move forward or back. These feelings often arise because a part of you is trying to protect itself from a perceived unsafe world.

I know for sure that if it doesn't happen now, sooner or later I'll come back here again, as I told you, like a moth circling the light until finally—one wrong move—and it's done.

Your analogy suggests a longing for liberation, but also perhaps a reliance on an external event rather than an internal seeing. However, direct pointing is about looking and seeing what is already here, not waiting for something external to happen. You are already awake, but there are "layers on top of it".

Please know that your honesty is valued and essential for this process. As a guide, my role is to assist in the exploration and directly point to what is, through exercises, questions, and dialogue. My commitment is to work with people who are dedicated to the process and answer questions with honesty. You are not taking up my time unfairly; this is precisely what I am here for. The "absence of self" for a guide means countering resistance, confusion, and refusal to look comes naturally.

The only way for this work to progress is through practical application and direct looking in your everyday life, rather than intellectual exploration alone. When you feel anger or annoyance, it's often a diversion from something within you that you don't want to be with. The antidote to such diversions is presence and simply staying with the feeling without trying to label it or act on it. Instead of being angry at your attitude, try to meet that feeling with unconditional acceptance, love, and compassion. This isn't about condoning or liking the feeling, but allowing it to be there without judgment. Create space for it in your body.

When you notice yourself diverting or lacking commitment, become curious about that thought or sensation. Ask yourself:
"What is behind this resistance?" or "What is being protected?".
"What am I not aware of right now?".
What are you afraid of that might happen if you truly let go?
Staying in an uncomfortable "gap" between the initial sensation and the impulse to react or divert can feel unpleasant, but it is the space where direct looking occurs.
Don't intellectualize or try to "think yourself out of" anything; you need to feel it and be with it. Don’t try to fix this. Don’t try to become more committed.
Just look.
Right now. This experience.
Who is the one “not putting in effort”?
Where is Reby?
What is Reby made of?
And this whole “waiting for a wrong move” — who’s waiting?
Not conceptually. Not metaphorically. Where exactly is this “Reby”?

I am here to continue supporting you through this process, no matter how subtle or challenging it becomes. Your present state is valid, and every experience is an opportunity to awaken.
How do these reflections resonate with you? Please feel free to continue sharing whatever comes up for you.
Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi Rali, I hate not answering you but I don't know what to answer.. everything you told me is very precious but now I feel quite sterile.
I don't want to give you the impression that I don't appreciate everything you give me. I'm deeply grateful for everything you've done so far. I'm telling you this not to flatter you, but because I don't want my coldness at this moment to somehow convey to you that what you do doesn't touch my heart. That's not the case.
I return to our conversation every day in the hope that it will "rekindle the fuse."
I'll continue to do so, and if you continue to have suggestions for me, I'll be infinitely grateful.
with love

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby,
You don’t need to explain. You don’t even need to “rekindle.”
Sterility is also this. Not knowing what to say—this.
Coming back each day with a quiet heart—this.
There’s no fuse to ignite. No fire to start. No seeker to resume the search. No seeking either.
This is not in your control (as everything else). It will come when it comes, if it comes - it's just how the story goes... There is nothing wrong with this, the problem was always in the story that comes along

So right now—drop the need to shift anything.
Let the silence stand unashamed. No commentary. No warmth required.
Is anything missing from this moment? Can it be different than how it is right now? All these alternative outcomes are just a story
Stay very still with it. Not as a practice. Not for an outcome.
Just stay…Then tell me—
What is not already whole?
What exactly would be different when you’re ‘ready’? What do you think will show up then that isn’t already here now?

Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi Rali, sorry for the long silence.

Sterility is also this. Not knowing what to say—this.
Coming back each day with a quiet heart—this.
This is not in your control (as everything else). It will come when it comes, if it comes - it's just how the story goes...

Ok I see this, it's clear

There’s no fuse to ignite. No fire to start. No seeker to resume the search. No seeking either.

I don't see that. Or rather, yes, they're all just thoughts stories, and that's clear.
But they refer to internal "movements" of intentions strongly connected to emotions and to me, and they seem so real.
I mean, if I stopped trying to achieve this thing, nothing would have changed, there would always be only what is (and that's fine because it couldn't be otherwise), but I wouldn't have the understanding I desire with all my heart.

So right now—drop the need to shift anything.

How? Sorry, maybe the question is stupid, but I really don't know how to abandon this.

Let the silence stand unashamed. No commentary. No warmth required.
Is anything missing from this moment?

No, it's complete as it is. Thought creates stories about how it should be, how it should have been, and I remain trapped in its web instead of resting in what it is.

Can it be different than how it is right now?

No absolutely not, that's clear.

All these alternative outcomes are just a story

Yes, this is also clear.

What is not already whole?

Nothing, everything is already complete as it is

What exactly would be different when you’re ‘ready’?

I expect to devote myself intensively to the investigation

What do you think will show up then that isn’t already here now?

Understanding, simply the understanding that You have

Thank you for your time!

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby
It’s good to have you back :)

Or rather, yes, they're all just thoughts stories, and that's clear

Very good!!

But they (thoughts) refer to internal "movements" of intentions strongly connected to emotions and to me, and they seem so real.
I mean, if I stopped trying to achieve this thing, nothing would have changed, there would always be only what is (and that's fine because it couldn't be otherwise), but I wouldn't have the understanding I desire with all my heart.

Let’s look at this right now — not in theory.
This “movement” — where is it?
Can you find anything but a raw sensation + a thought labelling it as “my intention”?
Does the sensation itself say it’s “yours”?
Does it say it’s aiming for “understanding”?
Or is that only the story wrapped around it?
This “understanding you desire with all your heart” — right now, what is it made of?
Is it anything more than an image or words in thought?
Is there something tangible here to grasp?
Without the thought “this is my movement toward understanding” —
what’s left?
Just a sensation. No ownership. No direction. No seeker.
The “me” you’re trying to advance toward the finish line is the same “me” that’s invented the finish line. Where is this "I remain trapped in its web instead of resting in what it is"?

What do you think will show up then that isn’t already here now?

Understanding, simply the understanding that You have

Whatever amazing understanding you might have it would not be it. There is no such thing as truth – that would be the next empty description attached to indescribable but experienceable this (whatever is happening right now minus the description). All I give you is pointers to where to look, not knowledge, not understanding. Can you see this?
Right now — without that story — is anything missing?
Next stop decision making and choice...
Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi Rali

Let’s look at this right now — not in theory.
This “movement” — where is it?

It's a story of thought

Can you find anything but a raw sensation + a thought labelling it as “my intention”?

No

Does the sensation itself say it’s “yours”?

No

Does it say it’s aiming for “understanding”?

No

Or is that only the story wrapped around it?

Just the story

This “understanding you desire with all your heart” — right now, what is it made of?

It's thought

Is it anything more than an image or words in thought?

No

Is there something tangible here to grasp?

No

Without the thought “this is my movement toward understanding” —
what’s left?

Only sensation

Where is this "I remain trapped in its web instead of resting in what it is"?

they are all stories of thought

Whatever amazing understanding you might have it would not be it. There is no such thing as truth – that would be the next empty description attached to indescribable but experienceable this (whatever is happening right now minus the description). All I give you is pointers to where to look, not knowledge, not understanding. Can you see this?

Yes

Right now — without that story — is anything missing?

No

Next stop decision making and choice...

Let's do it :)