Seeker

[Nitimak]

Sounds good.

Thank you so much. Will report back soon.

Much gratitude

[Nitimak]

Hi Becca,

I have been pondering on it. Have done it several times and answer is its just the image, no entity whatsoever.

However, it still feels like answer from the mind. Not sure if I am really looking the right way.

Best regards

[graceabounds]

Very Good.

Let’s dig in:
When you see the spoon, where exactly is this “answer from the mind” appearing?
Not as an idea, but as a happening. What is it? Is it a tension? A subtle pressure? Is it just a thought “this is an answer from the mind”—or is there something else, something more? Describe it as sensation.

Right now, without moving away, is there anyone experiencing?
You are here, the image is here, the “is this right?” feeling is here. But is there a gap? Is there something missing? Is there a “you” waiting for awakening, or is that just a ghost story, running in real-time?

If I said: There’s no “right way” and there never was, only this seeking tension in the moment, can you see that the urge to get it “right” is the ONLY illusion left?

Is there a self there, or just a movement to secure something, to land somewhere, to “get it”?

Report exactly what’s present. Not your thoughts about it, but the actual feeling of not being sure.

:)
Becca

[Nitimak]

Thank you,

Just to update you, I am still.going thru these. Will get back to you soon.

Much gratitude,

[Nitimak]

When you see the spoon, where exactly is this “answer from the mind” appearing?

It is appearing in the mind only

Not as an idea, but as a happening. What is it? Is it a tension? A subtle pressure? Is it just a thought “this is an answer from the mind”—or is there something else, something more? Describe it as sensation.

There is pressure behind the eyes and forehead...its sometimes subtle sometimes prominent.

Right now, without moving away, is there anyone experiencing?
You are here, the image is here, the “is this right?” feeling is here. But is there a gap? Is there something missing? Is there a “you” waiting for awakening, or is that just a ghost story, running in real-time?

When you ask the question, there isn't anyone experiencing.
Yes I am here and image is here and feeling is here too.
Not sure if there is a gap...it appears to be not simultaneous.
In direct experience, nothing is missing but its the thought that something is missing but again its the thought.

There is no "me" waiting for awakening , and yes its the story running which keeps saying "shift is not here yet".

There’s no “right way” and there never was, only this seeking tension in the moment, can you see that the urge to get it “right” is the ONLY illusion left?

Yes, I see that. Its keeping in never ending loop.

Is

there a self there, or just a movement to secure something, to land somewhere, to “get it”?

Yeah, its the movement/ tension ( behind the eyes again) to grab an experience and calling it awakening. Its saying that's only way you would know for sure that you are that/ the truth by having clear seeing or profound experience which hasn't happened yet.

[graceabounds]

So you see it, right? The urge to have a profound “awakening experience” is just another thought loop selling the idea that once there is a clear seeing, then I’ll know, then I’ll relax, then I’ll have arrived. This is the game.

Don’t touch it. Don’t move towards it. Don’t try to get rid of the pressure, or the wanting, or the “maybe this is it, maybe not.”
Let it be… like you’re watching a wild animal that’s just doing its thing, and you’re not allowed to interfere.

Describe, in raw sensation, what is happening RIGHT NOW, when you don’t try to secure a “realization.”

Is the movement to grab for certainty still there, or does it shift as soon as it’s seen?
Is the body still trying to secure an answer, or does something start to relax, even if just for a second?

If you stay right here, with this tension and its urge, can you find a “self” in the sensation? Or is it just pressure, just a flicker of movement, just a thought loop appearing and disappearing with no owner, no controller?

Stay in this.
Describe what is here, as sensation, as tension, as pressure, as urge, when you stop “doing” anything about awakening?

[Nitimak]

Describe, in raw sensation, what is happening RIGHT NOW, when you don’t try to secure a “realization.”

When not trying to secure a realization, there is just peace.

Is

the movement to grab for certainty still there, or does it shift as soon as it’s seen?

It dissipates and disappears as soon as its seen. Only blank spaciousness is left

Is

the body still trying to secure an answer, or does something start to relax, even if just for a second?

When its seen, body is relaxed too.

If

you stay right here, with this tension and its urge, can you find a “self” in the sensation? Or is it just pressure, just a flicker of movement, just a thought loop appearing and disappearing with no owner, no controller?

No self in the sensation. Just feel like energy moving from one place to another without any owner.

[graceabounds]

Good. That’s it. You’re reporting what actually happens—not what should happen, not what you hope will happen.

Read back through what you just wrote, all of it.

Where is the seeker?
Look for it, not as an idea, but as a present fact.
Can you find anything except this raw, ownerless energy?
Is there any “you” here who could ever awaken, or miss awakening, or be awakened?
Is there any separation, or just a story that used to say there should be?

[Nitimak]

Where is the seeker?
Look for it, not as an idea, but as a present fact.
Can you find anything except this raw, ownerless energy?
Is there any “you” here who could ever awaken, or miss awakening, or be awakened?
Is there any separation, or just a story that used to say there should be?

Yeah, cant find the seeker. Just this energy moving from.one place to another. No "me" to be awakened. Just the story.

But doubts are still there. Fear is there. Suffering is still there unfortunately 😔

[graceabounds]

Right now, where do the doubt, fear, and suffering show up? Not as a story, but as raw experience. Locate them in the body.
Are they solid?
Do they belong to anyone?
Or are they more energy, more sensation, more movement, also without an owner?

Go all the way in.
Don’t label.
Don’t fix.
Don’t even wish it was different.

When you stop trying to get rid of suffering, what is it, exactly, in the body?
Describe its shape, texture, movement, heat, cold, pulse, contraction.
Can you find any border where it turns into “my” fear, “my” suffering?
Or is even that just a habit, a leftover thought loop?

[Nitimak]

Hi Becca, sincere apologies for replying back late.

Right now, where do the doubt, fear, and suffering show up? Not as a story, but as raw experience. Locate them in the body.

They show up in different places

Are they solid?

No, not at all, they r sensations.

Do they belong to anyone?

No
Or

are they more energy, more sensation, more movement, also without an owner?

Yes these are contractions/ sensations without the owner

When you stop trying to get rid of suffering, what is it, exactly, in the body?
Describe its shape, texture, movement, heat, cold, pulse, contraction.
Can you find any border where it turns into “my” fear, “my” suffering?
Or is even that just a habit, a leftover thought loop?

Its a contraction feeling with tension which moves from one place to another. Its fluid but creates pressure depending upon intensity of fear , anxiety.

No, cant find any border where it turns into my fear or my suffering.

Hmmm..yeah its just another thought loop.

Much gratitude

[graceabounds]

Great, let’s get specific.

Its a contraction feeling with tension which moves from one place to another. Its fluid but creates pressure

Doubt..

Then Fear…

Then Suffering

Where do each of them arise? Where do they move to? Is it hot or cold? Small or large? Still or vibrating? Does it jump or flow from place to place?

Stay with it.
Don’t move.
Let every urge to fix, shift, escape, analyze, or do anything with it be seen as avoidance.

Look directly: What is behind it? Underneath it?

Is there a “controller” of this pressure, or is it simply appearing, shifting, dissolving by itself?

[Nitimak]

Hi Becca,

Pondering on below. Will report back soon.

Thanks a ton

[Nitimak]

Good morning Becca,

For past few days, I tried to sit and contemplate on below. However, I am not just able to go in deep.as the moment I start observing, its vanishing.

I am.not able to see deep as to whats behind it or underneath it. Its getting harder to go past the feeling.

I can seen though that there wasn't any Controller of this pressure and its all appearing by itself

Much gratitude,

[graceabounds]

Great, that is what I meant by noticing as it moves.
There is nothing there! Nothing underneath! No substance.

Here is a formula:
Emotion= Thought+Sensations

With the thoughts stripped away and/or sensations directly examined the whole equation falls apart.

Its getting harder to go past the feeling.

Tell me more about this.

I can seen though that there wasn't any Controller of this pressure and its all appearing by itself

Yes. Stay with that.
So if there’s no controller of the pressure… is there any controller at all, for anything?
Where is intention arising from? What caused this very sentence to be typed?

Give me three things that happened this morning, and for each:
Was there a self who chose it? Or did it simply happen, and then a thought said “I did that”?