What, specifically, in direct experience, creates the illusion of the me behind the eyes? Where is its location? Is it a tension? A sensation of some kind?
When I close my eyes there is a sensation of tension in the head that feels like a me and when attention moves to this tension it relaxes and it’s clear there is no me location.
When my eyes are open there are some body parts like the edges of my eyelashes and narrowed vision and a thought that says looking is happening from behind my eyes and within my body, so it seems visuals are received to a central location in my head. And the visuals are limited to the field of sight from my eyes, for example I cannot see behind my head, so a thought says vision is limited to the eyes and perceived by me who cannot see more than what’s in front of my head. But I still can’t find a me location. When I don’t listen to/believe these thought assumptions and the mind is quiet there is no thought of a me anywhere.
Someone spoke to me just now and there is a tension and pressure in the head and body to respond and a thought there will be consequences if I don’t, even though I don’t want to. There is a sense of being located here in my body and the other person is over there in another body and I am responsible for this body and not theirs. Those are thoughts and beliefs and still I cannot find a me but there appears to be evidence that my thoughts are private to me and this body, my thoughts have a connection to what my body does and are thus separate from other bodies.
Who is the one relaxing a belief? Is there control over this moment of shift? A one who relaxes?
Just attention moving to the thought and then relaxing seems to happen when there is attention with no additional thought. No, I don’t find a one that controls this, just a thought of a one like ‘this hurts’ then attention moves and relaxation happens and a thought of relief and assumption that a me did it and did the right thing to feel better. But those are all thoughts so no actual me controlling.
My mind is always blown away every time I see this, even though I’ve seen it so many times, it still gets surprised and amazed not to find a me there, as if it’s the first time seeing it. Then it will go right back to forgetting and believing in it soon after. Is there something else to see for it to be permanent without forgetting and needing to keep looking and seeing it again?
Sorry I’m trying my best to keep it short and sweet, this is just how my mind processes things and I don’t have control anyway ;)
Thanks so much!
