What's it all about?

[LittleRobert]

I feel like a center. And the center would have to be the body, because
I only know the sense perception of this body and and nothing else.
Whether that center is real I'm not sure. It feels real.
I suffer its loses and am in constant defense of it.
So there isn't complete conviction yet that there is no me.

[jgdapoorva]

Hello Robert,

If the “I” is linked to the body, how so? Which part of the body contains “I”? If the body loses both legs and both arms, would there be a loss of the “I”? With your eyes closed, can you find a line between the body and what is outside the body? Where is “I” located?

Regards

[LittleRobert]

The arms and legs can fall off. But not the head or torso.
There is a thinking "I" in the head. And a feeling "I" in the
chest and stomach.

[jgdapoorva]

Hey,

Let's do an exercise. Write this down.

There is no separate self at all in the reality-no agent in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life; all there is, is life flowing freely as one movement, one reality, one life, one nature, one intelligence, one god, one flow, whatever word resonates most. The separate self, "I", is an illusion; there never was such an entity and never will be.

What happens when you allow this thought in? What comes up? Is there fear? Is there doubt? Resistance? Frustration? Something that wants to scream and make you turn away? Something that says this is not working? Or maybe there is a feeling of wow, joy, or relief?
Watch, wait, notice, and write!
Notice all that is going on inside and just put it down in writing. Note what bodily sensations show up.

Regards

[LittleRobert]

There is no fear or relief, because doubt would preclude all those sensations.
I suppose there is some frustration because life isn't experienced the way
you describe. I can accept there is no separate self. It just feels that way.

[jgdapoorva]

Hey Robert,

Sorry for the delay.

I suppose there is some frustration because life isn't experienced the way you describe

What's this frustration about? Can you gently invite this frustration into your experience and welcome it? Can you feel it and then listen to at it has to say to you?

Regards,
Apoorva

[LittleRobert]

Yes. The frustration is saying there must be something wrong with me because
I haven't been able to realize that all is one. It also says if I'm not REALLY here
then life is causing this body to suffer by withholding this realization. Then
there is anger at life.

[jgdapoorva]

Hey ,

It's a good time to take a look at the expectations. What needs to be seen is so obvious, right in front of us. It's the expectations of how that seeing will be, what will be the effects of that seeing that stop us from seeing reality as it is. It's important that we bring out our expectations and put them aside to see the reality with fresh eyes. So here we go.

What do you expect that liberation is going to be like?
What do you want from it?
How do you imagine a liberated human behaves?
What should it be like?
What will it give you, what do you hope for?
What don't you want it to be like?

Just write all this out and examine it. Your full honesty is the key here, find all expectations and write them down, then look for the hidden expectations. Once you write it all out, accept that expectations are in the way of seeing with fresh eyes, so leave all this behind in order to take a fresh look. If you keep clinging to your expectations, go back to the fear section and look at what is behind the expectations. What is there that feels threatened?

Regards,
Apoorva

[LittleRobert]

Maybe I should try to answer the questions 1 at a time?

What do you expect that liberation is going to be like?

I don't expect an event. I expect it will be like nothing really happened
other than the belief that there ever was a me will be gone.

What do you want from it?

There IS an expectation that life will be better since
there will be nobody to worry and nobody to worry about.

How do you imagine a liberated human behaves?

Here I have no preconceptions. He could be Jesus. He could be
a rapist. I have no way of judging the internal workings of a human being.

What should it be like?

Maybe this is similar to the first question? I'm
not sure. But for now please refer to my first
answer.

What will it give you, what do you hope for?

The end of the seemingly endless endeavor of solving myself.
The unburdening of the unachievable burden of trying to stay
always happy. In this way I expect something to be taken away
rather than given.

What don't you want it to be like?

You've caught me with this one. I don't want it to
be like "this". Everyday life where I'm trying to
win and trying not to lose.

About the fear, I can't say I really have any fear concerning this topic.
If I'm not here, or, to be extreme, if I am dead, I won't be here to know
I'm dead. I fear the normal everyday stuff: fear of physical pain, fear
of emotional pain, fear of despair, fear of loneliness, fear of depression,
fear of fear. The usually fears probably everyone has.

[jgdapoorva]

Nice,

You have nicely put forward your expectations. But what if the reality is not as you expect. What if none of your expectations come true. Would you still be willing to look? Would you still give your all to this exploration?
The expectations prevent you from seeing reality as it is. As long as we expect it to be a certain way, we cannot really look at what is really there.


Here is an exercise for you
Imagine that you are holding a spoon. Imagine form, size, weight, temperature, keep it there, close your eyes, and feel the imaginary spoon. Open your eyes; is there a spoon here, in real life? So how did you see that there is no spoon? What happened to the spoon? Did it disappear or did it never exist?

Notice, that there was no boom and no bright light flashes in the eyes when the imaginary spoon was no longer imagined. Remember this, a shift is not going to be more than this, it’s just a drop of belief- the glue that holds the illusion together.
Look around the room notice what is real. What is here now? Notice things, notice looking around the room. If you think that this world is not real, check it against an imaginary picture.

Here is another exercise:

Close your eyes and imagine you are in the kitchen. Just visualize and look around, notice where things are put. Notice the space, the feel of it. This is an image, it can trigger feelings and contractions - expansions thought stories and feelings attached to them.
Open eyes and see how an image can be created and explored in the mind.
Go to the kitchen and look at the same things that you saw in the image, how does imagining and experiencing the same things differ? Is the image of the kitchen and the experience of the kitchen the same?
Focus on the image of me, the separate individual entity, is it an image or an actual entity?

If I was to tell you that Santa is real, would you see it in the room right now? Can you see the difference between real and imagined?
Self is imagined. You can look for the real self, but can it be found?
Look in each sense- can you find the self? ( is there a self in touch, smelling, tasting, seeing, and hearing? Test with each sense. Is the controller/manager in a head? if so, how does a self give commands to the body?

Have fun with these exercises.
Regards,

[LittleRobert]

Hi Apoorva.

Thank you for the exercises. Please give me some time to try them. It may be a while before
I respond because this is a lot to explore. But can I ask a quick question about expectations first?
Will there really be no relief at all? Why is expecting a little relief preventing me from seeing the truth?

--Robert

[jgdapoorva]

Hey Robert.

Yes. There will be relief. 😊
But its not going to be forever. There will be issues and you will come into relief very quickly and effortlessly. And it all varies from individual to individual. There is no standard prediction. Just seeing through the belief does not mean that years of conditioning will go away in one day. It will take its time. Its just that this falling away of other beliefs will happen much more effortlessly. That's it. Seeing through the illusion is not the end. It's a new beginning... 😊

Regards,
Apoorva

[jgdapoorva]

Hey Robert,

How are you doing?

[LittleRobert]

Sorry. I have been having very difficult family/money problems recently.
Things I never thought I would have to face.
There has been a lot of anger and disappointment.
So to avoid using you as therapy, I have decided to stay quiet
until hopefully things calm down.

[jgdapoorva]

Hey Robert,

I hope you are doing okay...

Regards,
Apoorva