Wanting to wakeup feels like its what's stopping awakening

[mayafreedom]

Cool, I'll do the new one mid-day today.

In the meantime, here was another of the original sensation exercise:

Reading work email = images/colors
"I don't want to work on this" = thought
stomach clenching, sighing, tightness in shoulder = sensation
big breath, stomach softening, thigh muscles relaxing = sensation
eyes closed, seeing colors behind eyelids = images
relaxed/spacious feeling, muscles soften = sensation
"that feels better" = thought

[mayafreedom]

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

I genuinely don't know. They were both experiences. One was more pleasant than the other.

2. What is here without labels?

The same thing is hear without the labels, but it's more relaxed.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

When doing the "I am..." version I felt increasingly more rushed, judgemental, this urgency to do it and be done. In the "just experience" version I felt increasingly relaxed, even sleepy, slowing down, more easeful. It does seem like that means that adding "I am" to the experience added (unnecessary?) unpleasantness.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body? Look. There are some.

Yes, I even wrote down
I am = more stomach and shoulder tightness, heart rate up, neck tension
just experience = more relaxed, sleepy, less tension, more deep breaths.

[Anastacia42]

Excellent.

I am = more stomach and shoulder tightness, heart rate up, neck tension
just experience = more relaxed, sleepy, less tension, more deep breaths.

So here's the next part:

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving

[mayafreedom]

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

I practice 5 precepts very carefully but occasionally something will slip that I think is true or is ok and realize later it's not. The body sensations of recalling those are: slight "drop" in stomach. Ribs tightening (diaphragm?), slight sensation of chest tightness, like I can't get a deep breath. My face also scrunches a little, like the nose and eyes moving closer together. If I keep going, bite bottom lip. Slight holding the breath.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Yes, to use your example, I see "peaceful" as almost a lack of some other sensations and thoughts. Like when the thoughts soften the body softens, relaxes, I feel "openness" and "spaciousness" which are just proxy words for something I don't know how to describe that I feel inside, something like explaining what "purple" is to someone who has never seen. It's letting go.