Wanting to wakeup feels like its what's stopping awakening

[mayafreedom]

Cool, I'll do the new one mid-day today.

In the meantime, here was another of the original sensation exercise:

Reading work email = images/colors
"I don't want to work on this" = thought
stomach clenching, sighing, tightness in shoulder = sensation
big breath, stomach softening, thigh muscles relaxing = sensation
eyes closed, seeing colors behind eyelids = images
relaxed/spacious feeling, muscles soften = sensation
"that feels better" = thought

[mayafreedom]

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

I genuinely don't know. They were both experiences. One was more pleasant than the other.

2. What is here without labels?

The same thing is hear without the labels, but it's more relaxed.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

When doing the "I am..." version I felt increasingly more rushed, judgemental, this urgency to do it and be done. In the "just experience" version I felt increasingly relaxed, even sleepy, slowing down, more easeful. It does seem like that means that adding "I am" to the experience added (unnecessary?) unpleasantness.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body? Look. There are some.

Yes, I even wrote down
I am = more stomach and shoulder tightness, heart rate up, neck tension
just experience = more relaxed, sleepy, less tension, more deep breaths.

[Anastacia42]

Excellent.

I am = more stomach and shoulder tightness, heart rate up, neck tension
just experience = more relaxed, sleepy, less tension, more deep breaths.

So here's the next part:

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving

[mayafreedom]

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

I practice 5 precepts very carefully but occasionally something will slip that I think is true or is ok and realize later it's not. The body sensations of recalling those are: slight "drop" in stomach. Ribs tightening (diaphragm?), slight sensation of chest tightness, like I can't get a deep breath. My face also scrunches a little, like the nose and eyes moving closer together. If I keep going, bite bottom lip. Slight holding the breath.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Yes, to use your example, I see "peaceful" as almost a lack of some other sensations and thoughts. Like when the thoughts soften the body softens, relaxes, I feel "openness" and "spaciousness" which are just proxy words for something I don't know how to describe that I feel inside, something like explaining what "purple" is to someone who has never seen. It's letting go.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, the dropping or tightness in the gut is what you want to be aware of that indicates lying.

Next:

Label-Reality Correlation

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with something called "reality." But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like "good" and "bad" are inherent characteristics of "things." But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

Is the red color "experienced" or is color green "experienced" as the label suggests?

Do the labels have a one-to-one correspondence with "reality?"

Or do the labels suggest something else other than what is here now (red color)?

Is green-ness an inherent attribute of the "experience" of the red color; or is green just a word label on the experience of the red color?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become "good" or "bad," or do the labels have no effect whatsoever on ‘reality’?


Loving ,

[mayafreedom]

(read this one, will reply tonight... Do I answer everything that has a question mark?)

[Anastacia42]

Yes. Fixed.

[mayafreedom]

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

I hear the sound of the word 'GREEN' in my mind (a thought), and I sense in the outer world the color red (vision)<--that's the only direct experience. Secondarily, there's seeing the color green in the mind (thought).

Is the red color "experienced" or is color green "experienced" as the label suggests?

The red color on the screen is directly experienced as seeing.

Do the labels have a one-to-one correspondence with "reality?"

Absolutely not. You could label anything anything and it could be utterly meaningless, the meaning only comes from a socially agreed upon pattern. Even then, the label is not the thing. It can't be.

Or do the labels suggest something else other than what is here now (red color)?

The label "green" almost becomes meaningless when direct experience is red.

Is green-ness an inherent attribute of the "experience" of the red color; or is green just a word label on the experience of the red color?

Just a word or label. I only experienced green-ness as a secondary thought, and not even all the time.

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

The redness itself cannot be affected by a label as the redness is not a conscious being receiving inputs, it's just wavelengths, or more directly it's just images/seen.

Does redness become "good" or "bad," or do the labels have no effect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

I suppose if paired enough times, some weird stuff could start to happen like if you always paired "red" and "bad" (it seems like red is associated with anger or the devil) then seeing the color red may induce the feeling of "bad" in the mind, but that would still be all in the mind, not out in the world. So no, it would not whatsoever affect 'reality out there.'

[Anastacia42]

All of that is exactly right, Msya. I imagine you realize that the point is that "self " is the same way. Only a thought label.

Now let's look at another aspect of all of this.

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what ​ chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Loving,

[mayafreedom]

I'm enjoying this process, and having some fleeting trippy perceptions around sleep. Thank you for your energy and time to do this, and for so many years. Amazing.

How is the movement controlled?

It seems like the hand controls itself. There's a feeling/sensing riiiigghhht as it starts to move but not before, truly. Whoa.

Does a thought control it?

Nope. A thought can verbally say "flip" and nothing will happen. Or it can say nothing and the hand flips.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

It does *feel like* there is a controller, for example "I" consciously decided to flip it much more slowly and then that started happening. It feels like it's localized somewhere in my head, like behind the eyes. But *I cannot "find" the controller*

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

I truly don't know. It seems like there's intention to do the exercise, go slow, etc, but then I don't know how it actually happens. It just does. WTF.

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

No, a verbal thought can be disconnected from the decision seemingly "inside." A thought could say one thing but the internal decision of what to do feeling could be doing the opposite. Or "it" could "decide" to align. But they are apparently separate functions--the decision/happening, and thought.

Like standing on a cliff above water and telling yourself to jump...but you don't. Over and over you could tell yourself until jumping finally...happens.

Left hand was chosen by default because right hand was holding the phone but it wasn't a conscious choice.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No, if anything "I" seem to just be watching the process.

[Anastacia42]

You're welcome.

Exactly right.

How does it FEEL (body Sensations) to see this?

Loving

[mayafreedom]

I got distracted into work stuff and was all mind-identified for a while.

Coming back, and trying it again, here are the body sensations I noticed while watching the hand basically move of its own accord (for all I know):

- "bubbly" feeling in the stomach
- "open/spacious" sensation in the mind
- muscles relaxed

[Anastacia42]

Good!

and that is like what that we looked at before?

Loving

[mayafreedom]

Yeah! a little of that feeling of what I call "whoa" or "WTF" or "awe"

[Anastacia42]

Truth or "body yes."

Good. So, here is a pointer that may force you to look, not think:

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


It is simple direct & nonverbal. Just LOOK.

Then write what is true.

I did only this and nothing else for 3 months and then saw. It crept up on me while I was sitting at a stoplight. Seeing often happens when we are simply relaxed and looking. I should say, it ONLY happens when we are relaxed and LOOKING.

Loving,