Hi Vince,
these are the answers
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is not a separate entity. It was never there other than as an assumption.
2) "Describe your experience of the illusion of separate self, how it arises/disappears. Is that process always the same, or does it vary, and if so, how?"
It is a collection of bodily sensations. It seems to arise as a desire to know what am I. It does not care which sensation it is provided there is one just for the sake of saying that this is what I am. It varies in the sense that sometimes it is felt behind the eyes, others in the throat, etc. Then, it is seen that it is just a bodily sensation and it disappear as a self and continues as bodily sensation.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It is a shift in paradigm! It looked like a self was a requirement for experience. Now I see clearly that there is only experiencing. There is no subject in experiencing ... what I believed before that was the subject is now on the experienced side. It is difficult to express ... what I mean is that the experienced is the shape the experiencing takes.
It feels loving, all inclusive. Anything, everything is THIS. Even the thoughts that say that this experience is not good enough, not interesting enough is also THIS. The sense of self, unpleasant sensations, etc. there is nothing that is not THIS.
Another thing I noticed is that previously (before joining the forum) I was reading non-duality books all the time. As if there was a piece missing in the puzzle. I stopped reading, following the forums instructions. Now I don't have any impulse of reading. It is not that I now know everything ... it is that I finally found what is real, experiencing is reality.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Stop thinking about it for a day and live with THIS.
Each time you realize that you are thinking about anything else, just replace it with appreciation of THIS.
I followed your suggestion and I stopped thinking and appreciate(d) THIS.
Appreciation was the keyword that made the trick for me.
5) talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.
It looks like we decide but in reality this is the only possibility. After the fact we can see that everything matched for this decision to be taken or this to happen but it is only a thought after the fact.
What makes things happen? How does it work?: I don't know. It seems to happen by itself, like a chain effect. It does not feels as predeterminism though. It is more like real-time unavoidability.
Some examples from experience:
today something funny has happened. "I decided" to go with the kids to a science museum. In our way, while driving, I started thinking how it come that I have decided this. I did not know! I found myself in the car with my wife and the kids driving to the museum ... how weird! So, I continue to the museum.
There are some conditions that can be considered: some friends told us that their kids liked this museum, we said that we may go one day, today is bank holiday and the weather was not so good ... So, in a way everything matched, but I cannot trace back how the decision was made.
6) Anything to add?
These set of questions look like the LU checkout questionnaire. I don't have the impression that I'm done. There is still an intermittent sense. However, something is changed. I know that experiencing is real and "it" is all inclusive. So the sense of self is welcomed to come and go as it pleases. THIS is also appreciated.
Thank you Vince for your guidance and patience so far.
love
Jose
