I AM READY.

[Shannonjheart]

I am ready to be guided.

[rdbanton]

Hello! My name is Richard and I'll be happy to guide you. Can you please tell me a little about yourself, your journey, and what it is you expect from this process?

[Shannonjheart]

Hello Richard, thank you for agreeing to guide me. I have been reading advaita philosophy, Ramana Maharishi, listening to Mooji, Eckhart Tolle and the like for several years. I know that reading, intellectualizing and talking advaita-speak is not necessarily direct experience therefore I am ready to fully experience what they point to. I may have already seen/experienced the formlessness, the last time being 4 months ago. The reason I say "I may have" in referring to that last experience is that it wasn't lasting in its fullness. I also notice myself referring to 'it' as an event that happened at another time, therefore I'm not in touch with it anymore. However, since then, I'm noticing big chunks of my personality cleaving off (ie. not taking happenings so seriously, less or no reactivity, or at least noticing when I'm caught in something and watching the reaction dissipate) Something is certainly occurring of its own accord. I am experiencing a trust, a sinking into. As to what I am interested in, here in this process, is a real clear and sustained seeing into what I am. In my daily life I've been ascertaining what I am not, but I have not seen what I am in a consistent way.
I appreciate your willingness to help, was thrilled to learn of this forum's existence.
Sincerely,
Shannon

[rdbanton]

I have not seen what I am in a consistent way.

What have you seen that you ARE in an inconsistent way?

What is it that you expect this seeing will bring?

I also recommend that you read the posts at the beginning of the guiding section if you haven't already. Looking forward to your response :)

Richard

[Shannonjheart]

Hello Richard, I am not able to use the quote function yet, I will ask a friend to help me out. In the meantime I will manually type your questions out.
What have I seen that I am, and how is it inconsistent?
I experienced myself to be formless and almost like nothing at all yet everything, for several hours late one night. There are no words to describe it, just an undoubtable sense of," Of course. I am this." There was no surprise, it was like I already knew this. Trouble started in the morning when I awoke to feel my usual self chattering away. These were thoughts of self importance and specialness, I then experienced an aversion to this thinking as I knew these thoughts to be empty lies. This aversion to myself, this discomfort began relaxing some days later. There has been a relaxing into, ever since. I let them be there. No more fighting my thoughts. There are also spontaneous moments of "yes, I am simply here", without anything else to it. Even when I am in family conflict for example. The inconsistency is sometimes I am caught up in the story and don't sense that I am just here.
What is it I expect this seeing will bring?
The Truth. My strongest heart's desire.
I have read the guidelines and disclaimer, and a couple of others people's threads to get the jist. I sense I am in the right place doing the right thing.
Sincerely,
Shannon

[rdbanton]

Hello Shannon,

Thank you for your response.

You said initially, "I have not seen what I am in a consistent way." This implies that you have SEEN what you ARE in some inconsistent way. My question was, "What have you SEEN that you ARE in an inconsistent way"? Or more simply I ask, "What have you SEEN that you ARE?" I am not asking about experience. This is about directly looking at this "supposed" entity you call "self."

Look for an item in the room. Can you see it? What is it? Does it have substance? Now look for this thing called "self" or "I." Do you find any thing that corresponds to that concept?

What comes up for you when you read the following:

Self does not exist as an entity but only as a concept.

Please try to read my questions carefully and answer as precisely as your can. It will hopefully allow this process to move along quickly and easily.

What we are doing here is very simple. We are looking at this concept "self" to see if it has any substance outside of the belief in it. Currently there is apparently a belief that "you" (aka "self") are some sort of entity. This process is simply to see through that illusion.

Looking forward to your response.

Kind Regards,
Richard

[Shannonjheart]

Dear Richard,
Apologies for missing a daily response, been down with a cold/flu and on my own with my kids.
You asked am I able to find any thing that corresponds to the concept of my 'self' when doing the exercise.
I do not find a thing.
What comes up for me when reading the above statement?
A rush of energy comes up my body, then mind goes blank, then a mental agreement.
In your last paragraph you've made it clear what our objective is here. I will do my best.
Thanks for your guidance,
Shannon

[rdbanton]

Hey Shannon,
Do you believe there is any entity that corresponds to an I, Me, or self?
Best,
Richard

[Shannonjheart]

Dear Richard,
I'm in the cooking pot. There's no jumping out now.
Do I BELIEVE there's an entity that corresponds to Shannon?
No, I don't believe there is an entity. Yesterday I was feeling very sad in the midst of a family conflict. I cried very intensely and spontaneously, and in doing so watched and felt the energy releasing. Meanwhile, on its own accord, the question arose," who cries? Who feels the release of the energy?" In the burning moment I could say, "no one. Just releasing is here." Today I was on my motorcycle riding through most beautiful countryside, breathing spring air and feeling the aliveness of life. Pure pleasure. The question came," who enjoys this? Who is feeling the aliveness of the life?" No one, only pleasure is here. Right now I ask who is writing this, who is reflecting on Shannon's existence?....find the one. Can't. Just heard a horse winny outside. Who heard it? First, heard the sound, then words came...."I heard a horse". I think I took credit for hearing something that was already heard.
No I can't believe there's a Me beyond a doubt, only something that seems like me.
Am I answering your question?
I'm on fire,
Shannon

[rdbanton]

Hi Shannon,

Yes you answered my question superbly. Very nice direct looking! Thank you.
You said,

I think I took credit for hearing something that was already heard.

What are the "I's" referring to in the above statement?

Also, Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Kindly,
Richard

[Shannonjheart]

Hello Richard,
"I" think "I"......
...was identifying with an entity, was still thinking of myself as a person. Sticky.
Can't seem to say more about this. Tried to look at this"I" and nothing came up. Just identification happened, and I said "I" out of habit?

Next question, is there an I anywhere at all or has there ever been?
Has there ever been an "I"?
Been sitting with this for 15 minutes and I can't say either way. I will continue to sit with this question. (Who will sit with this question, where does the impulse to sit with this question come from, from a me? Did this impulse arise on its own and an "I" simply reported it? I might go a little nuts here. And sorry Richard I've resorted to asking the questions!)
The process continues,
Shannon

[rdbanton]

Thank you Shannon,

I love it when an apparent locus of sentience (or person for short) asks questions! It makes my job so easy because I only have to point back :)

Can you try to rearrange the sentence below without using "I, Me, or My"? (Hint: After seeing that "self" is a concept we will still communicate verbally and I think the above exercise may experientially show you the difficulty of communicating if we had to stop using the words I,me, my, you, him, her, etc. It is possible though so have a crack at it!)

I think I took credit for hearing something that was already heard.

OK so onward to your questions! What are the answers?

1.)

Tried to look at this"I" and nothing came up. Just identification happened, and I said "I" out of habit?

2.)

Who will sit with this question?

3.)

Where does the impulse to sit with this question come from?

4.)

From a me?

5.)

Did this impulse arise on its own?

6.)

And an "I" simply reported it?

I love that you take your time and actually sit with the questions and look! You are on the edge.
Best,
Richard

[Shannonjheart]

Richard, the fun is beginning.
Although still in the cooking pot, it's more like a slow cooker today as opposed to a microwave oven.
To rearrange my statement....
Some credit was taken for hearing something that was already heard.
Question #1.
Is using I a habit? Seems to be. Seems automatic. Use of "I" also points to Belief in entityship. A habitual belief. An automatic belief, an assumption. I don't know why I am turning to the I, don't know if I have any say in the matter.
Question 2.
Who will sit with this question? I can't locate the one. If I were to ask What is choosing to follow this process right at this very moment rather than an impulse to go to bed now, I can't answer. Dunno why that's hard to answer.

This will have to be it for tonight. Been a long day and my concentration is done. Will finish the last 4 questions in the morning.
Cheers,
Shannon

[rdbanton]

Hi Shannon,
You are doing well. I look forward to the rest of the answers although they are not for me ;)
Best,
Richard

[Shannonjheart]

Dear Richard,
At the moment there is no urge to say anything. There is no explanation for this. Should the urge to write back arise, I shall resume correspondence.
Thank you for your assistance up til now.
All the best,
Shannon