Hi Mike,
It’s great to hear from you. I hope your memories of Ghnasi keep you in good company for a long time to come.
Yes, excited to start up again! Thanks again for your time.
So what is going on? In direct experience what is happening?
(Just to set the scene: I’m on a plane as I type this and attempt to speak from my DE.) In seemingly ‘deciding’ to take a sip of soda, a concrete thought/decision of my own doing didn’t occur. The left arm & hand simply extended away from the body, gripped a cylindrical object, and brought it up to the mouth. The lips parted and a cool sensation spread throughout the mouth. In handing my can of soda to the hostess collecting trash, my right arm & hand gripped the cylindrical object, moved it toward a whit & shiny container, and let the object go. The object moved downward and disappeared from my awareness of it. In typing this right now, and determining how to best describe the act of typing from DE, the fingers are repeatedly moving downward toward black squares, slowing down slightly when it comes into contact with a black square, moving downward slightly more, and then moving away to the next black square. My mind is not aware of any decision-making involved in the act of typing; it’s not breaking these complex movements into component decisions that are actively being made. They are just happening.
But, that leads me to a question: I can totally see how actions completed on ‘auto-pilot’ do not need a decider for them to occur, and that they simply happen, but what about decisions that involve choosing from a number of options? Such as choosing a food item from a menu, or even my choice to write back to you (vs. doing something else, like reading a book). Looking at these types of ‘decisions’ from DE, the more time I spend in talking myself through the pros/cons of one option vs. another, the more a decider seems to be present … in the form of a voice in my head.
Seems to???? Or does it simply occur?
Feelings/sensations are always there, in one form or another. Sometimes my attention (is this the same as awareness?) catches a feeling/sensation, and it then becomes magnified (such as a subtle itch, which magnifies the more attention I pay to it). Different orientations to the world necessarily bring on different feelings/sensations and thoughts. For example, if I look up and see another passenger, the sight of that passenger triggers certain thoughts (in this case, judgments of that passenger, and emotions that are tied to those judgments). Thoughts are triggered regardless of whether or not I want them too. But, if I become aware of a triggered thought, rather than being fully involved in the thought, I can dismiss it (such as telling myself that the judgment has no basis in reality and is baseless). This too seems to involve a voice in my head though.
What lays claim to ownership? Is it just a thought? Is there anything that can be experienced that can own something?
I just asked myself: “Is the hand that I’m looking at right now necessarily ‘mine’?” And a thought immediately came up: “OK, don’t look at it too intently, or the people sitting around me are going to think you’re weird.” The way I was looking at my hand triggered a thought, and I didn’t have a ‘say’ in it. Looking at that thought more closely, it comes from some desire to appear confident, serious, purposeful, not ‘weird’, etc, even to complete strangers. Similar thoughts pop up all the time when I’m around others, and often I let them take hold. However, these thoughts are baseless …
… OK, I’m going to re-focus on your original question now:
The ‘thing’ that appears to claim ownership … if I were to locate it … seems to reside somewhere in the head, behind the eyes, ears, skin, nose, and mouth, encapsulated by and simultaneously a product of the senses. As the head moves around and different objects are seen, that ‘thing’ doesn’t claim ownership of them. However, when the head moves down and the hand is seen, the hand is seen as being connected to the rest of the body, which in turn is seen as being connected to the head. So, the hand is seen as being connected to the body, but is it ‘mine’? Is the body ‘mine’? If the world is perceived through the body and its sensory organs … … to be honest, I’m stuck. I know the answer is no, but I can’t see it yet.
What could be ‘outside’ awareness? How can awareness have a boundary, be split into inside and outside? Isn’t it just awareness? Are words outside and inside just labels?
Is there an "everything else" other than just this? Is "everything else" another idea which is also just happening now?
Yes, considerations of what I can and cannot perceive, and what must exist, are thoughts. Right now, the interior of the plane is seen. I can think of what might be outside of the plane, and even think about what was seen outside of the plane window when it was still light outside (a memory), but everything outside of the plane is not seen right now and only the interior of the plane is perceived. Awareness is not limited in this respect; it’s just that very specific things are currently being seen, heard, felt, etc, and these sensations will change as the surroundings change.
And this takes me to one of your previous questions about ownership. Are the surroundings ‘mine’? I’m in the habit of saying “my surroundings”, and really believing it, probably because my perceptions face outward in all directions (except for sight), putting me at the center of “my world”. But, sights, smells, etc and the thoughts that these trigger are just happening, and do not require a discrete ‘me’ to be there … still feeling stuck, haha.
‘My’ awareness? ‘Yours’? Or just awareness? Look.
Yes, the awareness itself isn’t ‘mine’. Sensations are simply being perceived.
Good question ... Please look. Is there a separation between awareness and the 'content of awareness'?
I will try to continue looking during the rest of my day but, as of right now, the ‘content’ of awareness seems to be separate from the awareness itself. When the eyes are closed, and the sensation of a finger resting on an object is perceived (the pressure, texture, and more), the perception and the perceived seem to be two different things. You seem to be suggesting that awareness is all that there is; could you please provide more guidance on this? On how to see through the separation?
