Hello, requesting a guide

[Destiny]

Of course I did it. Thinking about it is nothing at all like the actual experience of it. We did more then a few, I didn't remember the name of it is all. Making a decision or thought is nothing like eating as far as I can see. There is just DE, thoughts are not reality. There is no decision, things just happen.

[Destiny]

There is no self to make a decision.

[smudge]

Please, in detail, describe your direct experience of decisions happening.

There is no self to make a decision

This is what isn't there, so what does happen?

So still this question needs answering, What does happen in a decision you make, give actual examples with detail.

[Destiny]

This is contradictory. A decision I make when there is no self. Nothing happens, Moment by moment life lives itself. There is awareness of direct experience and this just happens. Obviously I don't get it. Thanks anyway, I appreciate your help.

[Destiny]

Let me know what is wrong with my answer please.

[smudge]

You are on the right track destiny, I can see how using the personal pronoun might feel confusing. So what is actually being pointing to when the word I is used now? assuming it is still used in daily life (its hard to not really say 'I' or 'you' isn't it) but you are right it's important we know what we mean now when we use those pronouns.

what is wrong with my answer please

Its too vague.
If the pronoun is confusing, let's change the question for now to: Please, in detail, describe direct experience of decisions happening.
Please give details of what happens, there is no self and yet actions happen don't they? How? have a look. Maybe think of a big life change, could it have happened any differently? Describe how you get to a yes or no answer. Also is there free will from DE?

So please give more than yes or no give details of actions, feeling, thoughts, the 5 body senses.

So you have 4 questions emerging from this, answer all from full explanation of actions, feelings, thoughts, the 5 body senses and from DE. Its good we are staying with this to ensure it is really 'got' and not just intellectually understood, for this reason please spend time deeply looking to make this real (it takes quite a strong wish for truth to spend the time really looking deeply afresh).

what is actually being pointing to when the word I is used now?
In detail, describe direct experience of decisions happening?
Think of a big life change, could it have happened any differently?
Is there free will from DE?

[Destiny]

I am glad you are taking the time, I was just getting frustrated. When I did the pointing outward and then inward it became really clear that when the word I was used there was a feeling of emptiness and light. I became meaningless as it used to be used. It almost feels like someone died. I don't experience anything when decisions happen, it flows from one action to another. Like direct cause and effect. My body feels hungry, I get up to find something to eat. That doesn't mean I believe there is a separate I, it just means my body is hungry.
When thinking of big life changes they couldn't have happened any differently. Why? Because there is no self to decide or make it happen any differently. That felt like dropping a bag of rocks. I don't think there is free will, there is a series of events happening and awareness of them. It is always NOW. Thanks, Smudge

[smudge]

That felt like dropping a bag of rocks

Good to hear the relief Destiny, so how does life look now days? compare and contrast your previous experience of apparent control with current experience.

Remember a significant life decision that has happened that used to be believed to have been made by a 'self'... LOOK at that... what factors came together for the decision to happen?... what might have been different and have led to very different memories?

[Destiny]

Life is a hell of a lot more relaxed. I used to have chronic anxiety, trying to control events and people. Since I had been a victim of violence in the past, I had difficulty being around people since people are not predictable. I felt I somehow could control them by pleasing them or being liked. I even went to fortune tellers trying to find out in advance what might happen so I could avoid trouble. Now, I have no anxiety, it is great. I don't think about trying to control anything since what is going to happen is going to happen anyway, since there is only now in this. Since there is only now and no self , no one to be anxious about, lol. It is a wonderful feeling.

As far as decisions go, I thought I had made a decision to leave a longstanding relationship. but there was no decision. When in retrospect I look at it, it was the natural outcome of cause and effect. There was and is no me to make any decisions. Nothing could have happened any differently then it did.

[smudge]

Life is a hell of a lot more relaxed

Wow, thats great to hear.

I thought I had made a decision to leave a longstanding relationship. but there was no decision

Yes, there is no self and yet actions happen don't they? How?
So please give details from your example of leaving that relationship in terms of actions, feelings, thoughts, the 5 body senses.

[Destiny]

I don't much remember the feelings now, just being unhappy at the time. It just happened, just living life as usual, eating, sleeping, working, the usual and one thing just led to another. No actual decision, just events happening, or experiences happening, you know, arguing, being lonely, not being heard, then gone. There is no self and there never was any self, so there is just the experience or awareness moment by moment. Being aware does not need a me. Like animals are aware but they have no sense of self, yet life happens even for them. Catch yuh later. :-) TY, Smudge