Ready for a guide

[Xain]

There are a further six questions to ask, which may further solidify this realisation.

Here are the first three:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days while I have been guiding you.

3) Was there a 'last bit', maybe something I mentioned or something you considered that pushed you over, made you look and realise?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

Here are the first three:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No. Nothing, the question is like a game - 'tell me what isn't there...'.

2) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days while I have been guiding you.

It feels like a very gentle shift from sleeping to awake, hardly noticeable difference, like you were dreaming about being awake and and then you were actually awake. The difference is an ease, or a resting, but nothing has changed in the story except this.

3) Was there a 'last bit', maybe something I mentioned or something you considered that pushed you over, made you look and realise?

It just seems to be letting go of the meaning attached to 'I'; it's less of trying and expecting and more of nothing.

[Xain]

Thank you. Here are the last three questions.

4) Please explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you understand it now.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

6) Do you have anything else to add?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

4) Please explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you understand it now.

Separate self is thought about all of the experience as related to Gerry, it's very complex and engaging, all of the thoughts about what is sensed and the thoughts about meaning of those combined with memory-thoughts... layers on layers of thoughts. The separate self seems like a story happening in awareness... it's just there.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

That all seems to be just happening as well. The story is one that involves choices and deciding, all of that comes up in the story without origin. This drama of choice between good or bad seems like the easiest way to step back into I at this moment.

6) Do you have anything else to add?

There is the quality of non-event-ness to this. It's empty and full. It is like a seed of light that grows or unfolds for it's own sake.

[Xain]

It just seems to be letting go of the meaning attached to 'I'; it's less of trying and expecting and more of nothing.

Could you elaborate a little on what you mean, here?

Separate self is thought about all of the experience as related to Gerry

What is 'Gerry'?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

It just seems to be letting go of the meaning attached to 'I'; it's less of trying and expecting and more of nothing.

Could you elaborate a little on what you mean, here?

The were a lot of thoughts/feelings of frustration through the process and the 'last bit' was not about doing something more or thinking a certain way but 'less of' those things that made the difference. Letting go instead of trying to grasp it. Not seeking.

Separate self is thought about all of the experience as related to Gerry

What is 'Gerry'?

Gerry is a story that is happening in the It. The Aliveness (read this word early and like it). Experiencing the thought or story of Gerry and all the details and nuances of it, but not making it a 'me'. There is a drifting in and out of the dream.

[Xain]

Letting go instead of trying to grasp it. Not seeking.

What is doing this?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

Letting go instead of trying to grasp it. Not seeking.
What is doing this?

The context is of 'was there something that pushed you over', and there was a change from the self hanging on and/or trying to make the realization happen... looking again and looking behind the fear eroded the need to hold on, to reach for it, to try to find it.
The self seeks and tries. Being-ness just is, just being realizes itself...

[Xain]

We are getting into subtleties now, so please bear with me.

Let's just go back to that question again:

3) Was there a 'last bit', maybe something I mentioned or something you considered that pushed you over, made you look and realise?

It just seems to be letting go of the meaning attached to 'I'; it's less of trying and expecting and more of nothing.

Your reply appears to say that the realisation was that there is now a continuous process in operation of letting go, of less trying and expecting.

Do I get your meaning correctly?

The context is of 'was there something that pushed you over', and there was a change from the self hanging on and/or trying to make the realization happen... looking again and looking behind the fear eroded the need to hold on, to reach for it, to try to find it.
The self seeks and tries. Being-ness just is, just being realizes itself...

A couple of things here. I just need to understand you fully.

You appear to be describing a change that appeared to happen. I was looking to see if you could mention a thing that caused that change. A different thing.

Are you saying that what changed was from trying to make a realisation, to no longer needing to try to make a realisation?

'The self seeks and tries'.
Can you explain how it does this?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

We are getting into subtleties now, so please bear with me.
Let's just go back to that question again:
3) Was there a 'last bit', maybe something I mentioned or something you considered that pushed you over, made you look and realise?
It just seems to be letting go of the meaning attached to 'I'; it's less of trying and expecting and more of nothing.

Your reply appears to say that the realisation was that there is now a continuous process in operation of letting go, of less trying and expecting.

Do I get your meaning correctly?

I don't mean to imply a continuous process. Just that there was a point where the resistance faded and the realization grew...

The context is of 'was there something that pushed you over', and there was a change from the self hanging on and/or trying to make the realization happen... looking again and looking behind the fear eroded the need to hold on, to reach for it, to try to find it.
The self seeks and tries. Being-ness just is, just being realizes itself...

A couple of things here. I just need to understand you fully.

You appear to be describing a change that appeared to happen. I was looking to see if you could mention a thing that caused that change. A different thing.

Are you saying that what changed was from trying to make a realisation, to no longer needing to try to make a realisation?

from the time we started the process I had been experiencing a growing fear of accepting the letting go and at the same time all of the synchronistic experiences that led to the discussion... it was an intense time of thinking/feeling... the main process of change was going back to look again, to see that the thoughts just happen, that it's not 'I' doing all of that. no fireworks or anything, just a change I can't really describe.

'The self seeks and tries'.
Can you explain how it does this?

Referring to the thoughts... the self would keep seeking, trying, thinking, judging. So it's a shift from the self, the self can't step back from itself and see itself. Being can see the thinking self. Awareness is outside of the "I/self'.

Let me know if I am answering the question you are asking. I appreciate your efforts and time and hope it's good for you too.

[Xain]

Let me know if I am answering the question you are asking. I appreciate your efforts and time and hope it's good for you too.

Fine, Gerry. The 'clearing up' at the end can take a little wading through and may appear picky or pedantic. Please bear with me, as it is to check that there is 100% clarity in your realisation.

The self can't step back from itself and see itself.

Why not?

Being can see the thinking self

Are there two things, 'Being' and 'a thinking self' and one can see the other one?

Xain ♥

[Xain]

The self can't step back from itself and see itself

I agree, and my question was rather awkward.

Actually, perhaps change that to . . .
What is the self? What can it do? What is it responsible for?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

Being can see the thinking self
Are there two things, 'Being' and 'a thinking self' and one can see the other one?

I can’t explain the being part… it just is. There is an experience that is happening where 'Gerry/the self' is sensing and thinking. Going back to direct experience again to ask who is thinking /experiencing I cannot find anyone, it is just happening. The only communication that seems to fit is this: it just is. The Being is not a thing, not a noun but a verb.

The self can't step back from itself and see itself
I agree, and my question was rather awkward.
Actually, perhaps change that to . . .
What is the self? What can it do? What is it responsible for?

What is the self? – a thought/definition that is observed… experienced

What can it do? – be itself, it’s just there, just happening

What is it responsible for? Being itself

It seems that all the questions about the self circle back on themselves. The self (Gerry who I had been so attached to) is just happening. Asking the question ‘where do thoughts and decisions come from?’ yields no answer and leads to the question of ‘where did the thought about asking ‘where do thoughts come from?’ come from?’ and so on.

Cheers

[Xain]

Cool.

There is an experience that is happening where 'Gerry/the self' is sensing and thinking.

Going back to direct experience again to ask who is thinking /experiencing I cannot find anyone, it is just happening.

I am sure this could be a discrepancy with language (as often happens towards the end), but these two sentences you have written appear to be in direct opposition/conflict. Can you explain?

Explain how it is known that 'Gerry/the self' is sensing and thinking'?

Xain ♥

[gerry_1214]

There is an experience that is happening where 'Gerry/the self' is sensing and thinking.

Going back to direct experience again to ask who is thinking /experiencing I cannot find anyone, it is just happening.

I am sure this could be a discrepancy with language (as often happens towards the end), but these two sentences you have written appear to be in direct opposition/conflict. Can you explain?

Explain how it is known that 'Gerry/the self' is sensing and thinking'?

Yes…, the language is challenging, here goes: the thinking is happening. The ‘I/Gerry’ is a thought. Direct experience does not show that the ‘I’ is thinking.