Seeking a Guide

[paulagsell]

Hi Bill,
My daughter will be having surgery tomorrow. I started working with the reply to the final questions. A lot of challenging experiences arose and caused suffering. I know it just doesn't matter what arises in experience, there is still no one experiencing these experiences. I will work on completing the questions over the weekend.

Namaste,
<3
Paula

[paulagsell]

Good Morning Bill,

I haven't finished answering the final questions. I would like to continue this investigation a bit more. Not sure what is going on, but there is panic arising. Where do we go from here?

Namaste <3
Paula

[Bill]

Hi Paula,

Glad all went well with your daughter. Im sure you're relieved. Wish her the best with her recovery.
Good you're back here.

Tell about the panic and what is going on.
What is the fear around it?

from an earlier post.... it looks to be worth seeing again.

We are afraid of losing our story.. what would we be without it? Its become so familiar and comfortable to us.
In this respect, the fear is your friend. Its trying to protect you. Protect you from the unknown, from something imagined or even something unimagined.

What would be the worst that could happen if you were totally disconnected from your story? What might that look like? Would it be so bad? Look at the fear that comes up around this and sit with it. Let it be there. See if its something you can handle.

Relax when you can and look at this fear.... this panic.
Sit with it, talk to it if you can.. ask it what's up, why is it here...
and then look behind it or under it...
Is there anything there?
Anything real?

[paulagsell]

Good morning Bill,

Thank you. My daughter is on her way to recovery. A wild week of emotions. Now to tackle the question of "panic".

We are afraid of losing our story.. what would we be without it? Its become so familiar and comfortable to us.
In this respect, the fear is your friend. Its trying to protect you. Protect you from the unknown, from something imagined or even something unimagined.

What would be the worst that could happen if you were totally disconnected from your story? What might that look like? Would it be so bad? Look at the fear that comes up around this and sit with it. Let it be there. See if its something you can handle.

Relax when you can and look at this fear.... this panic.
Sit with it, talk to it if you can.. ask it what's up, why is it here...
and then look behind it or under it...
Is there anything there?
Anything real?

Bill, I sat with this question and the fear/panic seems to be about control. Losing control..of course from observing life, I can see there is NO control. I don't choose to do anything. The fear/panic is nothing but sensations,brought about by attention to thoughts that are believed to be true. Fear of facing the death of those I love. Fear of being alone, etc. These are all thoughts in the mind, they are not real in DE, moving the attention to this very moment there is nothing really happening, just whatever is happening. The thoughts are fleeting, they come and go and with them they bring sensations that are labeled fear, panic etc. What is really happening? It's like there is a bit of the mind that refuses to let go. The story of "me" seems to be like a dream, distant and vague as if it is falling away.

Look forward to hear from you.
Love, Namaste.
Paula

[Bill]

Glad things have settled some for you.

Can you see how this 'story of me' has been built?
All of this that you take to be 'you'.... what is it really?
Without a story, could there be a 'you'?
What would there be without it?

[paulagsell]

Hi Bill,

Shall I tackle those final questions. With all that is going on right now, more then ever it is seen, how life controls it all. No where is there any choice. I made all these plans and they all fell apart, the mind tried to work out ways to keep some of the plans in tact, but at some point It just let it be whatever it is and in the mist of suffering there is peace.
I'm ready for final questions!
Love,
Paula

[Bill]

Hello Paula,

I'm so glad your daughter is doing better. You must feel relieved.
And I'm sure it had you looking at everything we've talked about.

Let's go ahead with these questions... if anything is left, it will come up.

We ask these when you have asserted that yes, you have SEEN thru the illusion of self.

Please take your time with each one and give it your best full answer. There's no rush.
Your answers will tell me if there's something we have missed.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

6) Anything to add?

[paulagsell]

Hello Bill,
Thanks for your patience. Here are my answers to the final questions.
1)

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no 'self', 'me', or 'I' anywhere other than a thought. Observing the body, mind/thoughts and sensations, it is seen that all happens on its own, there is no one giving out orders or directions on what or how to do anything. Observing other forms in nature it is easy to see the natural flow of life. Today I was at the post office and the Television was on, Rachel Rays show was playing, a gentlemen behind me commented "wow" Rachel Ray is putting on the pounds! I saw the thoughts rush in to defend women from his chauvinistic remark, but then I saw that his comment was just conditioning playing out, just like the conditioning that arose within me to defend. It was all automatic, once seen clearly the feeling and thoughts fell away and I had a good laugh.

2)

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of the separate self begins shortly after the birth of form. Parents, siblings, teachers and others, out of ignorance teach the form that it is the label it was given, that it is the body. As the form grows, more information is put into the system more ideas of 'me' and 'mine' appear in the thought stream. Although the true nature is always there, it can feel as though it is hidden, as though we are cut off from our beingness because of all the beliefs that have formed over time. This form now takes itself to be a person, women, daughter, sister, mother, etc. All the labels and roles have been piled on the psyche. Although in truth nothing is ever lost because all these ideas and roles are none existent in reality, they are all empty thought constructs, mere conceptualizations. Life was prior to the form and Life will be after the form has gone, and life is what we are.


3

) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

There is a sense of relief, even though life goes on just as it always has, with its sensations, pains, pleasures etc. There is a seeing through the thought stream, knowing that it is all truly bullshit! It really is nothing but BS. All the ideas and conditioning that arise without rhyme or reason, mean nothing, until they are given meaning. Recently a lot of suffering, fear, and other so-called emotions arose due to an experience that was labeled 'awful'. Was this experience awful? no it was nothing, everything is nothing. All the suffering and awfulness was only found in the thoughts and resistance to what was appearing, attention went to the thoughts as if looking for comfort, but there is nothing to be found in thoughts, all that is, is right here in DE. Throughout the whole experience observation was happening, and within this knowing of experience, there is a gentle stillness, this peace. I don't know what has changed, I cannot find a word for this change, I only know there seems to be more observation happening and less reactivity, but even if reactivity arises there is a seeing that it is nothing more than reactivity belonging to no one. Just info that was put into the system. Prior to this everything was the same, except a perspective seem to change..perhaps 'perspective' is the best word to describe what has changed.

4)

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Watching the body in various movements, really looking at how things are done without any direction. Also observing thoughts, how they arise and descend back, seeing that the thoughts are also empty, how the so-called mind is really empty without any location. In DE there is no thinker, no one choosing, no one doing anything!! It's pretty amazing.

5)

Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

I do not decide, intend, choose or control anything, although it may appear as though 'I' do, and many times it feels as though there is an 'I' that is doing, but I know this feeling that is associated with this 'I' is nothing more than thoughts and sensations and a habit or pattern. As I see the fingers typing these words there is no one directing the fingers on how to move or what words will be chosen. I see thoughts arise and the body will do what the thought may have suggested to do, like get up and get a drink of water, but there is no one thinking the thoughts, directing the thoughts, the thought just arises from no where... some times a worrisome thought will arise and observing the thought without judgment will also arise, the worrisome thought will descend back into nothing, but did someone make that happen???? No, can't find anyone in DE that is doing anything! It just happens!
I realized I don't know anything..don't know from one moment to the next and it's all alright just as it is.

6) Anything to add?

I would like to add that being here in LU working with a guide has been a wonderful experience. I am so thankful and grateful for this opportunity. Thank you Bill. I look forward to hear from you.
Love
Namaste,
Paula

[Bill]

Paula, your answers are so clear. Very thorough... I ran this by our other guides and they all confirm.
Congratulations! You're now blue on the forum and a little more of the website has opened up to you.
Its been great pointing for you. You took this and kept looking even when your daughter had her medical emergency. Im so glad you did. And am happy she is on the mend.
And much thanks to Nancy for her help.

You have a great way of expressing this, and I really hope you'll consider guiding here at some point.
We have several groups on Facebook and you can also use those for learning about guiding
and further discussion.


Check out this: http://liberationunleashed.com/nation/v ... ?f=6&t=696
There are some links and info to other sites associated with LU.

Paula - It was clear to me you had seen awhile ago, but you needed to be certain of it yourself and let go some
of your fear and expectations. Which you finally did. :)

Life still goes on.
If there's any more questions, please ask.
I will leave this thread open for awhile if you have any further questions
or if you want to make any more comments.
It will be moved to the archived section so look for it there.
It's been great working with you!

Love,
Bill

[paulagsell]

Good morning Bill,

Thank you for guiding me. Being here was a wonderful experience and I am thankful. Nothing has really changed, just a perspective of some sort. Yes, the letting go of expectation happened, fear comes up from time to time regarding thoughts about a future that doesn't exist. It passes, everything passes.

I would like to learn more about guiding here at some point and I'm very interested in Facebook groups. Please let me know how I go about connecting. Nice to move to the blue forum!! yay..:)

Thank you dear Bill for all your guidance. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas, Much love to you!
Paula