Ready to let go. Requesting a guide.

[Tao]

Hi Gomi,

Many apologies for not posting, I've had a busy couple of days. Also, mental tiredness is arising. It really is quite exhausting being lost in thought.

I live in the UK so GMT. Where abouts are you?

Benny,

This one has a story that you are getting close to being at the gate and not entering because the ole standby, logical mind is analyzing.

The mind doesn’t seem to stop analysing.

If direct experience is the only real thing, what does that tell you about the contents of thoughts? Observe thoughts. Just close your eyes for a moment and notice.

This is what is observed. Thoughts constantly create something to do, someone to be. The ‘me’ is trying to look with direct experience. The ‘me’ is also trying to formulate answers to reply on here. The ‘me’ is trying to get into a certain state, as to really ‘see’. Maybe I think I need to meditate, but even watching the mind or the breath is still ‘me’ trying to do something.

When did that future imagining occur? Past, present, or future?


Now look very closely at your ongoing experience right now - is there anything at all outside the now, outside the present moment?

Take some time and just look, no theory, no speculation, just look and see, and let me know what you find.

Thoughts along with everything else appears right here and now in the present moment. The past and the future is imagined.

The mind thrashes around.

The mind creates patterns, loops of existence. The mind creates a left, right, left, right. The mind creates a forwards, backwards, future, past.

What is it, that isn’t this?

More tomorrow :)
Benny

[Gomi]

Benny, dear,

Let's take it easy and breathe. Sit inside your body. Feel it, watch it. Just be here now.

Try this:

THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPENING.
Please re-read this a hundred thousand times.
This is it. There is something happening. All the rest is story.
Let this live within you during the day.

Thoughts call out what has happened; they describe the experiences to the other thoughts which together make a story with a beginning, middle, and an end. Can you see that thoughts are distractions, irrelevant to what is happening now? It’s like the commentary in sports. If the television is muted, the game still happens. The players don’t know that the commentary has stopped, and they don’t care. The game is still real and still just as much fun!!!

Mental tiredness is a great pointer! While this may not be 'comfortable' to experience...(if acceptance isn't there) it is what is so, if experienced in the moment. Mental tiredness is life happening in the moment-til it's not. Life-ing is occuring and mental tiredness is the living expression of the moment. Judging it and beating yourself for that experience living itself THRU you is plain exhausting. Even if there was a you, could 'you' change it if you wanted to? Do you think thoughts shouldn't be thought? Are they bad? Remember thoughts are real, just not the CONTENT. They will constantly show themselves. There is nothing that can be done to stop it. (You might have heard the example "Think of anything but a pink elephant." )

The mind doesn’t seem to stop analysing.

Is that true?! Can you find any gap as one thought stops thinking and another begins? Kinda like the visual image of a like a dot to dot drawing. Just watch this. Write about this.

Love,
Gomi

PS I live in the US, central mountain time.

[Tao]

Rupert Spira has a fantastic you tube video called Time and Death. Maybe this will make things clearer http://youtu.be/PNdjzm8dKOc

This video is great. I can observe thoughts as they arise in the present moment. It is clear to see that thoughts create the past and future, thoughts create a sense of time passing. It is clear that there can only ever be the present moment, and one cannot ever exist in past or future. Logically, certainly, it is understood.

Can you see that thoughts are distractions, irrelevant to what is happening now?

Yes I really can. They over-ride receptivity to the present moment.

mental tiredness is the living expression of the moment. Judging it and beating yourself for that experience living itself THRU you is plain exhausting. Even if there was a you, could 'you' change it if you wanted to?

There is much less resistance to what is than there ever has been before. Really there is not much judging that goes on, unless things get pretty turbulent.

Do you think thoughts shouldn't be thought? Are they bad?

Not at all, but it seems to be the 'falling into' identification with them that is the problem, the one distraction.

Remember thoughts are real, just not the CONTENT.

The content, the story, is really quite boring and repetitive, how is it it has such a pull? How could it ever be more interesting than the present moment? Yet it keeps pulling, as if the story is really important. The sense of self is constantly reinforced.

The mind doesn’t seem to stop analysing.

Is that true?! Can you find any gap as one thought stops thinking and another begins? Kinda like the visual image of a like a dot to dot drawing. Just watch this. Write about this.

It is like a dot to dot. Enough 'self' dots at regular intervals, and the sense of self is constantly maintained. Enough past and future dots at regular intervals and the sense of time is constantly maintained.

There are gaps. Sometimes the gaps feel quite long, but the sense of self and time still remains.

[Gomi]

Hi there!

I can observe thoughts as they arise in the present moment. It is clear to see that thoughts create the past and future, thoughts create a sense of time passing. It is clear that there can only ever be the present moment, and one cannot ever exist in past or future. Logically, certainly, it is understood.

Wonderful!!! With continued DE, the logical mind loosens up. Life just does life-ing. (BTW, in noticing what happens in the moment, identification can't be as strong to the logical mind as the personality wants to claim it to be.) There is nothing wrong with a logical mind, however. From this one's experience, the logical mind can still appear to be strong, depending upon the conditioning and contraction around the particular thought. Once the illusion is seen through, the contraction around it seems to lessen or dissolve. Like realizing there is no such thing as a wicked, or good fairy godmother. Have you tried humor? Sometimes it can break 'the spell'. Light treatment even AS one is in the throes of contraction is possible.The ole standby analogy... Watching a play, one sees an actor play a certain part. You know it isn't real but you cry and laugh with him. Compassion for the actor's plight is 'ok!' :-). Just notice the 'distraction.'

The content, the story, is really quite boring and repetitive, how is it it has such a pull? How could it ever be more interesting than the present moment? Yet it keeps pulling, as if the story is really important. The sense of self is constantly reinforced.

Have you done yesterday's exercise? What occurred? If you haven't done this, please do.
THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPENING.
Please re-read this a hundred thousand times.
This is it. There is something happening. All the rest is story.
Let this live within you during the day.

Pointer in to take into DE doing the exercise: Is there a you anywhere? In thoughts? OR... do thoughts pass thru as life happens...irrespective of any doer or controller?

There is much less resistance to what is than there ever has been before. Really there is not much judging that goes on, unless things get pretty turbulent.

Sweet!

So the combination of the gap technique along with deconstructing thoughts would be compared to the sky and the clouds.
You can see the dot to dot. There are exercises that can be given to you. Just don't want to overwhelm you. Focus on the exercise THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPENING.

If you feel you want to add to that, shoot me a post and i will send it to you today. Otherwise, there is no rush.

Nice going, Benny!
xoxo

BTW, i live in Central Standard Time, not mountain. Hubbie and i were arranging a Skyping session with a family member who lives in Central Mountain Time, so that was in the brain..

[Tao]

Hi Gomi, apologies, my internet kept freezing last night so I was unable to post. I will post later today.

Benny

[Tao]

Hi Gomi,

Still feeling stuck in logical thought, but I do feel like something is opening up. I have been looking at events happening in the now, and then when they have passed, the memory of the event. It is the memory that creates the past, but where is the event when it is remembered? It is as if it never really happened, yet it leaves an echo of itself.

Yesterday I went to a theme park and went on some short but terrifying rides. They left an imprint on the rest of my day. An intense experience crammed into 30 seconds or so leaves ripples of itself that reflects in the mind. How is it there is no past when previous 'nows' have happened? How is it there is no future when 'nows' are yet to happen?

From this one's experience, the logical mind can still appear to be strong, depending upon the conditioning and contraction around the particular thought. Once the illusion is seen through, the contraction around it seems to lessen or dissolve.

That is good news, if only the illusion can be seen though. It does feel like a contraction around thoughts. It's like somehow, thoughts are endlessly more fascinating than the present moment. I can't see why as they are generally repetitive and boring, and the more space there is away from the identification with thoughts, the more beautiful the present moment becomes.

Like realizing there is no such thing as a wicked, or good fairy godmother. Have you tried humor? Sometimes it can break 'the spell'. Light treatment even AS one is in the throes of contraction is possible.The ole standby analogy... Watching a play, one sees an actor play a certain part. You know it isn't real but you cry and laugh with him. Compassion for the actor's plight is 'ok!' :-). Just notice the 'distraction.'

Like watching thoughts come and go as if they are a play? Today I realized there was some frustration at thoughts themselves, and there was a letting go and allowing thoughts to think themselves without resistance. The trick is maintaining awareness. It's a lot easier during sitting down to meditate than it is at any other time.

Have you done yesterday's exercise? What occurred? If you haven't done this, please do.
THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPENING.
Please re-read this a hundred thousand times.
This is it. There is something happening. All the rest is story.
Let this live within you during the day.

I don't think I've read it 100,000 times yet, but I have been keeping the thought with me during the day.It felt as if this was beginning to open something up, I'm going to keep this going for now.

[Gomi]

I'm going to keep going on this for a while
Glad to hear something is opening up for you. This one will keep silent as to let DE speak itself.
So much love, :-)
Gomi

[Tao]

A disidentification does seem to be taking place but nothing drastic. The seeing of feelings for what they are as they arise here and now.

It feels like it is time to drop the past altogether, to let it go and stop trying to figure things out. It also feels like time to stop trying to foresee or predict a future. To drop the fantasies and projections . To fully inhabit the 'now'.

Yet the identification with the story is still so strong. Clinging to, it all seems so important, like it has to be all sorted out, all the time. It's like the future has to be planned, the past has to be settled.

There is an unstable feeling at times. It's hard to describe. Like things cannot be predicted, like 'I' could fall apart at anytime. Like there's no ground to stand on.

There appears to be a subtle resistance to what is, like things need to be different in someway, or there is another place to get to, always keeping my awareness away from the present moment. The need to be in another place and figuring out how to get there. This figuring out is so strong.

And as deeply unfulfilling as the story is, it goes round and round, creating this self with the same old cycles of conditioning, similar outcomes, and a feeling of isolation or separation in the world. A sense of lost and aloneness, and unsteadiness.

[Gomi]

Hi Benny,

A disidentification does seem to be taking place but nothing drastic. The seeing of feelings for what they are as they arise here and now.

Nice looking, yet lets fine tune this further....really look at this sentence. Is this coming from DE or analysis of it? If one comes from DE can there be judgements? Some words to notice as to story or judgements can be: seems like, the sense is...What ways do you express DE? Share a couple of storylines and then a couple DE. What are the differences that are experienced?

It feels like it is time to drop the past altogether, to let it go and stop trying to figure things out. It also feels like time to stop trying to foresee or predict a future. To drop the fantasies and projections . To fully inhabit the 'now'.

This one just heard a wonderful analogy of this. "OK, honey, it's your birthday. I promise I won't snore tonight." As much as one wants, can you stop snoring?! So your above analysis is making a statement. 'It is time.' (Can relate at times to this, haha)' Enuf of this, I''ve had it!' This is a great time to ask the question:WHAT IS SAYING THIS? IS THERE A SELF TO SAY THIS? If the answer is yes, further watch. Take it into DE. Keep LOOKING! Can you find that supposed self! Watch. What shows itself? Also, nothing new, just reminding...What can enact this statement? Is there anyone/thing there to control? What controls the wind? the flowers growing? puberty? etc. And mostly laugh at the years of conditioning appearing. 'Ah ha!' the jokester within can voice, noticing the conditioning, Possibly returning back to DE.

Yet the identification with the story is still so strong. Clinging to, it all seems so important, like it has to be all sorted out, all the time. It's like the future has to be planned, the past has to be settled.

Just had an experience that this one wants to share. There was an old story that arose that this one was plain sick of it. It was painful. i asked a fellow guide to do a one on one session with 'me' via text.Unexpected life-ing happened and it was not finished that day. A day later, upon rereading the text, this one cracked up laughing. This one would have fought tooth and nail that this was important! There was such a strong identification to a certain lifelong sentence... and to the others that followed. In going back to finish up the inquiry, it was impossible to do anything! There was NO ego identification to these supposedly powerful sentences. It was just past conditioning claiming strong identification. There was no energy behind the self identification within the story. Check this out for yourself. When stories come up for you, check to see if it is just past stuff wanting to presence itself, yet little or no actual identification. (The mind will say yes, go into DE) This one finds it very interesting how easily one can fight for an identification that really isn't even a shadow! These shadows were so real for so long that it is believed as 'my self-identification. There was no energy sustaining a ghostlike story...AND it still might appear again...Not this one's business...

There is an unstable feeling at times. It's hard to describe. Like things cannot be predicted, like 'I' could fall apart at anytime. Like there's no ground to stand on.

Sure, this is understandable, AND was there ever a time where something that was predicted happened exactly as thought? Actually, might not ego predications be the most unstable ground to walk on? Is there fun and flow when things are ego contracted around a specific way of trying to 'be'?. Maybe sometimes relief, but in those times is there separation to persons and events? What about the flow when DE lives....Can you experience the differences? Can you write about them? Also, go into an inquiry with this:: Is there a "I" that can fall apart? If the mind answers this there will be fear. What occurs when that inquiry is put into DE? Please write about what opens up for you.

Love,
g

[Tao]

Hi Gomi

Thoughts attempt to formulate a future and then attempt to find ways to go about attaining that future. It is this that creates the illusion 'I' have to 'do' something to get 'there'. It appears that nothing can be done. 'Life'ing just arises, is there any 'one' that can control it? It doesn't appear so.

Awareness seems to get thrown around by thought. Another 'seems to' I know - perhaps a judgment. But these things arise: thoughts, memories of thoughts, volitions, emotions. It is like awareness is being thrown around by these things into a state of delirium, or drunkenness, blind-sightedness.

What is direct experience when thoughts continue to come? Is it no longer taking refuge in those thoughts? Is it no longer being thrown around by those thoughts? Inebriated by them? Intoxicated by them? Is it holding awareness in the present moment? How do I take inquiries into direct experience?

Taking refuge in thought, constantly returning to the story. Even this dialogue between us being of the story. Something that needs to be figured out, and figuring out how to communicate the experience.

Everything is taken personally, that is, things inside of 'me' and things outside of 'me' in how they relate to me or may effect me. Even occurrences that don't effect 'me' are still taken personally. A person is created in response to the energy play of the universe, in all of it's manifested forms. A tiny glimpse arose that none of it is personal, or to be taken that way.

Just to let you know, I am away on retreat for the weekend, I leave tomorrow lunchtime, so I may or may not be able to post again before then. I will be able to post again on monday and tuesday before I go away on a 5 day retreat.

Benny

[Gomi]

Dear Benny,

Thoughts attempt to formulate a future and then attempt to find ways to go about attaining that future. It is this that creates the illusion 'I' have to 'do' something to get 'there'. It appears that nothing can be done. 'Life'ing just arises, is there any 'one' that can control it? It doesn't appear so

Can thoughts create a future, if thoughts aren't personalized? Is there an i a thought can attach to? Nice that there is an opening to no control.

Awareness seems to get thrown around by thought. Another 'seems to' I know - perhaps a judgment. But these things arise: thoughts, memories of thoughts, volitions, emotions. It is like awareness is being thrown around by these things into a state of delirium, or drunkenness, blind-sightedness.

What is awareness? Is there a difference between awareness and living fully in DE? Is there a separation in awareness and DE?

What is direct experience when thoughts continue to come? Is it no longer taking refuge in those thoughts? Is it no longer being thrown around by those thoughts? Inebriated by them? Intoxicated by them? Is it holding awareness in the present moment?

Can thoughts just be part of direct experience without putting a self identity in the picture? What gets intoxicated? Really look. Is the present moment supposed to look a certain way? Are there expectations of what it should Look like? ie, peaceful, quite, joyful...fill in the blanks.

How do I take inquiries into direct experience?

Lets try it out. Formulate an inquiry you would like to take into DE. Write it out. Lets SEE.

Everything is taken personally,

What is witnessing this? Check it out.

A person is created in response to the energy play of the universe, in all of it's manifested forms. A tiny glimpse arose that none of it is personal, or to be taken that way.

Did this come from DE?

I am away on retreat for the weekend, I leave tomorrow lunchtime, so I may or may not be able to post again before then. I will be able to post again on monday and tuesday before I go away on a 5 day retreat

I can't remember if these were the retreats you initially spoke at the onset of LU's postings or if this is about others. If i go back to recheck the initial posts, this entire post may be lost. You initially answered the expectations of some workshop. Have they changed? What are your expectations for going now? What can be added to living within the ever present moment? What do you hope to 'get' that cant be found here and now? Please answer with 100% honesty.

Loving,
Gomi

[Gomi]

....that can't be found in the here and now

Upon re-reading what i just posted, the above quote is inaccurate. Nothing can be found. There would have to be an entity to 'find' something. This implies separation, illusion. Lif-ing just IS.
:-)

[Tao]

Hi Gomi, yes they are the same retreats I mentioned at the beginning. I'm afraid I don't have time to reply today, I will post either on sunday evening or Monday. Speak to you soon! :)

Peace and love
Benny

[Tao]

Hi Gomi,
Today I had a tiny flash of insight. Perhaps it was direct experience. There was a noticing of the self and the story from a different place. It was like a complete removal from self, like I was watching self but just for a split second. It’s hard to explain. It was a tiny flash.

Can thoughts create a future, if thoughts aren't personalized?

I guess not. Future, when it comes, is just another thought about now.

What is awareness? Is there a difference between awareness and living fully in DE? Is there a separation in awareness and DE?

I think that I think that there is. Perhaps what I think is awareness is just another thought. There does seem to be gaps in between thoughts, like that gap can be maintained by being ‘here and now’. There is awareness there, but I don’t know if this is direct experience.

Can thoughts just be part of direct experience without putting a self identity in the picture?

The thoughts are often of a self identity. So the direct experience would be seeing the thoughts creating a self, without identification with that self?

What gets intoxicated? Really look. Is the present moment supposed to look a certain way? Are there expectations of what it should Look like? ie, peaceful, quite, joyful...fill in the blanks.

Yes I think there are expectations, I think the expectations are that I will understand things clearly, see things clearly. Perhaps this will lead to a deep peacefulness. What is intoxicated seems to be my understanding, everything is unclear.

Lets try it out. Formulate an inquiry you would like to take into DE. Write it out. Lets SEE.

How about, ‘where am I?’ Or ‘is there an I?’

What are your expectations for going now? What can be added to living within the ever present moment? What do you hope to 'get' that cant be found here and now? Please answer with 100% honesty.

My thoughts are that going on retreat is a good chance to strengthen or inspire my meditation practise, and forward my spiritual journey in some way. I don’t think I have many expectations for retreat, other than to break things up a bit. Perhaps by strengthening my meditation practise, I will be able to reach a place in meditation where thoughts are still, or awareness is removed from thoughts, and I can see things clearly, or I can comtemplate things much more effectively. This seems to be my rationale behind things.

[Gomi]

Hey there!

Nice to read your post.

Today I had a tiny flash of insight. Perhaps it was direct experience. There was a noticing of the self and the story from a different place. It was like a complete removal from self, like I was watching self but just for a split second. It’s hard to explain. It was a tiny flash.

Don't ya love the small insights? Feels soooo gooood! A storyline that that may go with it is, "Ah, now I'm getting somewhere!" Come on, Benny. Are 'you' satisfied with a tiny flash of insight? Insights come and go, as was noticed. When DE is happening, there is no separation. It is happening! Can there be a 'complete removal from self'? IS THE SELF REAL? WHAT IS REMOVED FROM WHAT? During the next retreat, really look into these questions!!! WHAT SEES the tiny flash? Dear one, go for the gold!!! " Nice noticing. Hang in there. There is nothing to do. It is all happening now. Now-here to go.

Can thoughts create a future, if thoughts aren't personalized?
I guess not. Future, when it comes, is just another thought about now.

If this is from DE, great. If guessing....hmmm

There does seem to be gaps in between thoughts, like that gap can be maintained by being ‘here and now’.

Beautiful! Happy feet dancing!!! When you come back from the retreat, there are exercises for awareness and DE, so you can experience the flavors.

The thoughts are often of a self identity. So the direct experience would be seeing the thoughts creating a self, without identification with that self?

It was recognized that thoughts occur, are real but not personal. Could it be that the thoughts of a self-identify are based upon habitual, conditioned patterns? You say thoughts 'would be'...that suggests a possible story. Is this what DE says? Please go into DE and write down what appears regarding this- in the here and now.

I will be able to reach a place in meditation where thoughts are still, or awareness is removed from thoughts, and I can see things clearly, or I can comtemplate things much more effectively.

Benny, are these expectations realistic? i taught meditation for over 30 years. This one's personal experience is that in some meditations thoughts are still and some meditations were chocked full of thoughts and restlessness. Does having a restless meditation, or for that matter a meditation that takes you to the depths, mean anything? To what does it mean anything to? Check out on the workshop if there is any control of thoughts. You've been round robin with this. Really LOOK! Also, please answer this question: WHO IS THE I THAT CAN SEE THINGS CLEARLY?! WHAT I IS THERE TO CONTEMPLATE ANYTHING?!

How about, ‘where am I?’ Or ‘is there an I?’

Great to take this into inquiry/DE!!! On the retreat, check this out. Check again: Are you in the body, check every part. Check emotions? Are you there? Senses? Check each out individually. You can go back over past exercises. Same with the question "Is there an 'I' ? Write it all out. We will look at it when you return.

Actually, you have answered these questions thru DE. Another, possibly more accurate, question is:
Have you actually seen through the illusion of no-self...but push it away? If so, why? :-)

Loving you,
Gomi