Looking to Start with Meta777 as my Guide

[Metta777]

Hi Kent,

Got your message.

Love, metta

[Look4light]

Hi Metta,

The anger is a defense mechanism of the mind to not let go of self, don't you think? Many times memories or indignities serve to keep a trap up. What purpose does the anger serve, really look at that ? Does it keep a sense of self going, this character called Kent in the story who was misjudged, betrayed, etc, etc

You know, I am getting tired of my anger here.

Is there a self or a refusal to let go? Tiredness is a very common symptom in resistance of the mind to there being no self. Being right and being put upon or misjudged can be addicting. The drama keeps a sense of self going. that in no way is disrespectful of the pain that was felt or is felt at the loss of friends and betrayal.

I went from," Metta did not experience 5 plus years of conflict, $50,000 in attorney fees, betrayal by friends, having her reputation besmirched around a community, being lied to many,many times" to the next morning, "I am ready to listen to what she says". To she is right (but that is just at the logical level...) I can say that there is an aspect of me that likes exposing the lies of others. It may be a way of telling myself that I am above the fray, that "Kent" stands for something.

It was life living itself and awareness noting the story of Kent. Can it be seen that it is a story that is being held onto and not who you are? That the truth is much more beautiful.

I love what you say here.

I can point towards the experience , but it can't be forced. The fabricated personality of the mind comes from conditioning, labels, teaching and the environment. sometimes the burden of who we think we are becomes so heavy and even painful. But there has to be a willingness to let that self go,

I believe that that is part of my weariness, that I want to let it go but....there is that known habit. Some of us take a little longer : ) Remedial awakening

The ego self will continue to suffer unless dropped, it will feel hurt, betrayed, angry, sad, all the pain that life sometimes gives us.

Yesterday the thought came that it is just easier to not believe in the little self, that there is even a very slight tension when the word "I" comes from my mouth or brain.

This is not about morality or responsibility ,it is about behind the conditioning and reaching deep into your gut you can see the truth. We can work as long as it takes, it is clear now that you have not seen. If you had suffering drops away

Taking a break yesterday from grouting the tile at the cabin (which we are on a somewhat long road to fix up to sell), I listened to the Gangaji video for the first time you gave me the link to . It was beautiful! Then I looked and I finally found the video where the guy gets a cat scan and they measure when he pressed the button for a decision and what was happening in the brain prior and I had to know that this was a legitimate scientific study not some utube video made to appear that way. It is documented.

So I don't know if it is temporary but I can say that my anger over the land use issue has diminished. I heard a woman being interviewed and she was talking about water and how the embryo looks initially fish like, and then there is the water that makes up our body, the amount of water on the planet, your water to ice to steam analogy and how our air has a lot of water in it (called the hydrostatic force) and if a chair does not have any water in the wood, it would collapse. All of this and I thought of the expression of "water under the bridge" and how apt that is. How many people such as myself have used the river analogy to describe a spiritual journey flowing into the sea. So it is all just water flowing into the sea.

Love and thanks,
-Kent

[Metta777]

Hello Kent,

I can say that there is an aspect of me that likes exposing the lies of others. It may be a way of telling myself that I am above the fray, that "Kent" stands for something.

There is the relative and the absolute. Read that sentence again as if it were someone else who wrote it. Who is exposing who? Look deeper.

I believe that that is part of my weariness, that I want to let it go but....there is that known habit. Some of us take a little longer : ) Remedial awakening

Eckhart Tolle spoke of a pain body. The pain and anger that almost becomes an identity after awhile. He got to the point that he was suicidal, then he realized it wasn't him. It was the story he was telling himself about who he was. The ego/mind grabs onto anything to say, "See, I exist". It was experience, it was awareness of the experience, now the experience is dead, it was dead the moment it happened and lived moment by moment into the now of awareness. Is that who you are, pain and anger? Who is there that is weary? Or does the story of Kent and the past suck the energy from living NOW?

Does awareness of life living itself need an identity? What animates the body does it need an identity to work? Breathing happens, seeing happens, smelling happens......

Love, Metta

[Look4light]

Hi Metta,

I can say that there is an aspect of me that likes exposing the lies of others. It may be a way of telling myself that I am above the fray, that "Kent" stands for something.

There is the relative and the absolute. Read that sentence again as if it were someone else who wrote it. Who is exposing who? Look deeper.

This statement could be about propping up a false identity known as Kent. It is clever in a way because by identifying with someone who exposes falsehoods, it distracts the mind into identification and props up this Kent character with a kind of moral smugness but it is a kind of lie in itself because the character it strengthens does not exist. Oh what a strange life it is.

I believe that that is part of my weariness, that I want to let it go but....there is that known habit. Some of us take a little longer : ) Remedial awakening

Eckhart Tolle spoke of a pain body. The pain and anger that almost becomes an identity after awhile. He got to the point that he was suicidal, then he realized it wasn't him. It was the story he was telling himself about who he was. The ego/mind grabs onto anything to say, "See, I exist". It was experience, it was awareness of the experience, now the experience is dead, it was dead the moment it happened and lived moment by moment into the now of awareness. Is that who you are, pain and anger? Who is there that is weary? Or does the story of Kent and the past suck the energy from living NOW?

Technically not all of the experience is dead. When our (my wife and mine) reputations were besmirched, this has a lasting affect as far as interaction with the rest of the community up there so there is that reminder when we go up but I understand what you are saying. More than likely, the worst of it is over. I can say in the last few days, the anger has lessened. Every time it has come up in my mind, I can see it as water under the bridge and it has not come up nearly as much. No, pain and anger is not who I am. It just felt like it at times.

Love,

-Kent

[Metta777]

Hi Kent,

Technically not all of the experience is dead. When our (my wife and mine) reputations were besmirched, this has a lasting affect as far as interaction with the rest of the community up there so there is that reminder when we go up but I understand what you are saying. More than likely, the worst of it is over. I can say in the last few days, the anger has lessened. Every time it has come up in my mind, I can see it as water under the bridge and it has not come up nearly as much. No, pain and anger is not who I am. It just felt like it at times.

The minute, the second it is experienced ,it becomes past experience, but there is no past experience except in the mind. It's not real, it may feel real, but ask if feelings are facts? Probably everyone has had days when they look in the mirror and think to themselves, " Not bad, , yeah, I am looking good today." On other days you look in the mirror, same mirror, same face and it's like what happened? " I look like hell." but it is based on feelings and thoughts, which cannot be relied upon to be factual. People in the same family at the same event don't remember things the same way. Why? Because it is subjective.
Change perceptions and change life. Ask if the thoughts arising are true, 100% true. How do you know what other people are thinking, that is impossible, unless there are hidden talents you haven't mentioned. :-) So much has been taken over by those events, is it worth it to hang on to something that is so unhappy, especially when it happened to no self. Look at this question, who did it happen too? A collection of conditioned responses, labels, everything that is known is second hand about who you think you are. Nothing original came with the package except genetic programming and then the rest was added. Life is living itself moment by moment in the most beautiful way, can this seen? Freedom is knocking at the door.

I notice there was no answer to my last questions, can you look at those an answer as best you can?

Does awareness of life living itself need an identity? What animates the body does it need an identity to work? Breathing happens, seeing happens, smelling happens......

Focus on awareness for the time being. Let go of preconceptions and the past for a moment. What is there that is real besides Direct Experience? There are many thought stories, can this be seen? It lives only in the mind. Take a walk, then report back what happened. Feel your body walking, then feel how it is stopped, feel your chest rising and falling, the breath from your nostrils. Feel your feet touching the ground or pavement. Look at the clouds, trees, etc. What is felt? There is pain, but suffering is optional.

Love, Metta

[Look4light]

Hi Metta,

The minute, the second it is experienced ,it becomes past experience, but there is no past experience except in the mind. It's not real, it may feel real, but ask if feelings are facts? Probably everyone has had days when they look in the mirror and think to themselves, " Not bad, , yeah, I am looking good today." On other days you look in the mirror, same mirror, same face and it's like what happened? " I look like hell." but it is based on feelings and thoughts, which cannot be relied upon to be factual. People in the same family at the same event don't remember things the same way. Why? Because it is subjective.
Change perceptions and change life. Ask if the thoughts arising are true, 100% true. How do you know what other people are thinking, that is impossible, unless there are hidden talents you haven't mentioned. :-) So much has been taken over by those events, is it worth it to hang on to something that is so unhappy, especially when it happened to no self. Look at this question, who did it happen too? A collection of conditioned responses, labels, everything that is known is second hand about who you think you are. Nothing original came with the package except genetic programming and then the rest was added. Life is living itself moment by moment in the most beautiful way, can this seen? Freedom is knocking at the door.

No it is not worth hanging on to something that is unhappy. I do not however dwell on it every waking moment or hour. I may have given you the wrong impression there. I still dwell on it plenty though but not for nearly as long. sometimes emotions need to run their course don't you think?

I notice there was no answer to my last questions, can you look at those an answer as best you can?

Does awareness of life living itself need an identity? What animates the body does it need an identity to work? Breathing happens, seeing happens, smelling happens......

If there was no one there to enjoy life how would one enjoy life? I am kidding, just kidding : )
Actually it is one of the best things you have written and I guess I just glossed over it. No, awareness does not seem to need an identity and in experiences this one has had, the experience is richer when not filtered through an “I”. The body goes along fine without an identity. So what needs an identity? My answer would have to be conditioning and habit, the ego. But I suppose to function in society, there has to be at least a cursory identity such as responding to one’s name in filling out a tax form but that could be number for that matter.

Focus on awareness for the time being. Let go of preconceptions and the past for a moment. What is there that is real besides Direct Experience? There are many thought stories, can this be seen? It lives only in the mind. Take a walk, then report back what happened. Feel your body walking, then feel how it is stopped, feel your chest rising and falling, the breath from your nostrils. Feel your feet touching the ground or pavement. Look at the clouds, trees, etc. What is felt? There is pain, but suffering is optional

.

There was no pain on this walk except for a momentary pain in my left ankle that went away as quickly as it came (I broke my ankle a few years ago). What was felt is the weight of my body on my feet, the shifting light patterns, a different feel on the feet when I entered a gravel pathway. light on the water, a slowing down, sunshine on my shoulder, relaxing it. Crows squawking at me, a pattern of greens, thousands of shapes of greens, a vibrant world. Got to do this at my lunch hour again. No identity needed. A very nice sense.

Go to go back to work,

-Kent

[Metta777]

Hi Kent,

I still dwell on it plenty though but not for nearly as long. sometimes emotions need to run their course don't you think?

Yes, they do, it is when clinging occurs or when identification occurs with the feelings and thoughts surrounding events. :-)

No, awareness does not seem to need an identity and in experiences this one has had, the experience is richer when not filtered through an “I”. The body goes along fine without an identity. So what needs an identity? My answer would have to be conditioning and habit, the ego. But I suppose to function in society, there has to be at least a cursory identity such as responding to one’s name in filling out a tax form but that could be number for that matter.

Yes!!! lol, we do need an identity to get along in the 3D world. What changes is the perception that what happens has to do with a personal identity all the time. That it happens to awareness, we add the identity part. There is no we or me. The identity part is just conditioning, awareness at a basic level has nothing to do with identity does it? You might find the book, "The Impersonal Life" really helpful.

a different feel on the feet when I entered a gravel pathway. light on the water, a slowing down, sunshine on my shoulder, relaxing it. Crows squawking at me, a pattern of greens, thousands of shapes of greens, a vibrant world. Got to do this at my lunch hour again. No identity needed. A very nice sense.

It is this, life and awareness living,feeling, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, No Kent identity needed for this to occur. It happens automatically. It sounds like it was relaxing, it is called walking meditation by Buddhists. Even 15 minutes of meditation a day, either active or passive will change perceptions and lessen stress.

I am not minimizing the stress, pain, etc of what was experienced, only trying to point in a direction that will allow a different perception of it.

Would you agree that according to science we are only energy?

Love, metta

[Look4light]

Hi Metta,

It is this, life and awareness living,feeling, seeing, smelling, tasting, touching, No Kent identity needed for this to occur. It happens automatically. It sounds like it was relaxing, it is called walking meditation by Buddhists. Even 15 minutes of meditation a day, either active or passive will change perceptions and lessen stress.

Yes the Kent identity would screw the experience all up! I used to do these walks when I was involved in Shambhala some years ago. It was probably my favorite part. So according to your view, I am getting that awareness uses the human body/mind to be -well aware just as it might use a bird's body/mind ( I say mind to make some cognitive images) to be aware so maybe awareness uses all living beings, to expand itself? And so in this view we are just one more speck in the great awareness.

Would you agree that according to science we are only energy?

Yes I think so. I really don't know what else we could be. I have even heard that science says we are mathematical probabilities!

Thanks so much,

-Kent

[Metta777]

Hi Kent,


I thought you might find this interesting.....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU


Love, metta

[Look4light]

Hi Metta,

Just got back from doing a computer demo in front of 30 people and it went well until the very end when it did not but mostly okay. So I am still a bit self conscious but probably better than previously. Just glad it is done. So frustrations happen but not beating myself up about it.

I like the video you sent. So there is a split.... I suppose all kinds of energy passes through us as we are energy ourselves. I am in the second story where our lunchroom is. The light changing on a drooping cedar is striking.

There is a woman a few feet away and she does not seem as solid to me probably because I am writing this and in a mode to be available to this.

That cedar tree is entrancing.

Love,

-Kent

[Metta777]

Hi Kent,

No through, anyone, just energy. Is there a self? Look and tell me what is observed and felt, not read about.

Love, Metta

[Metta777]

Hi Kent,

Is the self a conceptual overlay of projected thoughts created by the mind? If all is energy , there is still a need to function, so the absolute and the relative. Day to day experiental living moment by moment, but an impersonal life that just happens , life living itself . So couldn't Kent be just a Projection ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxwn1w7MJvk


Can you rely absolutely on what the mind is telling you?

Love, Metta

[Look4light]

Hello Metta,

Is there a self? Look and tell me what is observed and felt, not read about.

yes Metta, there is a self, even though I get the impression that you want me to say no.

There is a self in the darkest hour when somehow, almost impossibly a tiny, small,still voice gives guidance, when 20 years ago, climbing Mt. St Helens, getting into an accident, and heading for a crevice, it said, stay loose and I believe kept me from serious injury, and when going against the social stratum, the voice says: this is the right way to go, even though it is not the popular route. There is a self, when the voice comes through even when your mind did not ask it to. There is some self/truth that come through at times, even when "I" did not ask it to, even when I thought it inconvenient, even when I thought it wrong. Yes, Metta, there is a self.

Love to you,

-Kent

[Metta777]

Hi kent,


Where did the idea come from that this was about me? I have no stake in whether you see this or not. The experience
of this was initiated by whom? :-)

It feels like there was a big backup here. Let me know if I am off here. There is only the wish to point and assist in the release of self and the recognition of what causes anger or suffering. Thoughts cause it, don't they. change the thought, change the reaction.

There is a self in the darkest hour when somehow, almost impossibly a tiny, small,still voice gives guidance, when 20 years ago, climbing Mt. St Helens, getting into an accident, and heading for a crevice, it said, stay loose and I believe kept me from serious injury, and when going against the social stratum, the voice says: this is the right way to go, even though it is not the popular route.

Is that intuition? Or an identity? Same experiences here, but is there a self in intuition based on probabilities of the right thing to do at a given moment. Can you explain further how this means there is an identity. The social stratum thing ,isn't that justification of how events went at the time? So are you taking the sole responsibility on for all the events that occurred at the time and how they turned out. As for the events that happened around this case how does this relate to identity? I would just like to understand the view point better. Wasn't everyone doing what they were taught and conditioned to do, decisions were made before they were even aware of them and then they were acted upon as the brain was trained to act under various circumstances. Do you see this as a black and white situation , with no shades of grey. Was it a me against all of them? I get the idea that you may not be ready to let go of the story of Kent quite yet. Try to give as much detail as you can in your answer because I want to see where the suffering and anger is coming from. What thoughts are still causing so much resistance to, it's over now. Love, Metta

[Look4light]

Hi Metta,

No it is not about you.. I was just in a mood

s that intuition? Or an identity? Same experiences here, but is there a self in intuition based on probabilities of the right thing to do at a given moment. Can you explain further how this means there is an identity. The social stratum thing ,isn't that justification of how events went at the time? So are you taking the sole responsibility on for all the events that occurred at the time and how they turned out. As for the events that happened around this case how does this relate to identity? I would just like to understand the view point better. Wasn't everyone doing what they were taught and conditioned to do, decisions were made before they were even aware of them and then they were acted upon as the brain was trained to act under various circumstances. Do you see this as a black and white situation , with no shades of grey. Was it a me against all of them? I get the idea that you may not be ready to let go of the story of Kent quite yet. Try to give as much detail as you can in your answer because I want to see where the suffering and anger is coming from. What thoughts are still causing so much resistance to, it's over now.

I don't know where you are seeing anger here or me against them? when I referred to against the social stratum I was referring to the voice that does not take this into consideration. My point is that sometimes a quiet still voice comes through and this voice does not feel like conditioning. It does not feel like it at all. As a matter of things, it can feel like the opposite of conditioning.
This quiet still, even comforting voice, might it be called a higher self because it is beyond conditioning?

Love,
-Kent