Request for a Guide

[Nina]

There are just thoughts and our past Is just memory In thought form, Dont be so hard on your self Take a walk and look at nature write down the first things that occur when you have looked. What did you feel did the wind touch your skin,did you smell the grass go with the experience
Write down what occurs

Have a break for a day and we will continue on Sunday

Love and light
Nina

[Ngapa]

I noticed all sorts of sensations, colours, cold wind, feel of my boots, blackbirds, honeysuckle and philadelphus scents, not purposely looking for sensations but having your suggestion in my mind. I also felt tired in my body and in my mind too which helped me be less in thoughts. I did have times of thinking, about free will, about things I saw, a tune running itself.
(I now wonder what tired in my mind could mean - I suppose knowing I am tired and experiencing less of a pull to think about things.)
That is a flavour of the many experiences of my walk. I remembered that I had sent an email and forgotten to add the attachment. My back aches now. Thinking about having a shower.

[Nina]

That is a flavour of the many experiences of my walk. I remembered that I had sent an email and forgotten to add the attachment. My back aches now. Thinking about having a shower.[/quote]
Great sorry for the delay had server problem , Hope your back is a little better now.
Take a look at what has changed for you over the last few days. How do you feel. What is the first thing that comes up.

Love and Light Nina

[Ngapa]

Disheartened at lack of change, uncertainty what I can do for this exploration. How important is meditation? Should I try to notice sensory experiences more? Or notice how much I do notice them? Am I not doing enough?

Woke Monday in negative frame of mind. Explored what that meant. Realised it came down to everything actually being experience. There is nothing else. Felt a bit brighter after that, though once I get "below" that level of noticing that thoughts, reactions, moods, physical sensations of grumpiness, and so on, are all different experiences, then I take them seriously again. Also noticing them as experience curiously didn't automatically come with sense of lack of experiencer.

That's how it is still today, heavy sensation in chest, predominance of unhelpful thoughts, keep reminding myself that it's just experience but don't quite SEE it. Could be trying to convince myself to believe that thought, despite seeing the pointlessness of that.

[Nina]

That's how it is still today, heavy sensation in chest, predominance of unhelpful thoughts, keep reminding myself that it's just experience but don't quite SEE it. Could be trying to convince myself to believe that thought, despite seeing the pointlessness of that.

Ok think you are over thinking everything and this is the cause of your distress I understand this because most people do this.
lets look at fear what frightens you what is holding you back,
I would like you to take one thing that frightens you look at it welcome it and then send that thought away it is only a thought.
Consider a time when you were a child and woke in the night there may have been a dark shadow in the room
As a child you could have thought this was a nasty person. You are an adult you know that this shadow is nothing.
This process is the same.
As an adult you can use your direct experience in this quest and find your truth.
Just start by really looking in direct experience,

You are doing well dont be hard on yourself

Love and Light
Nina

[Ngapa]

Just read this today and not sure what to pick - not conscious of everyday fears, I live a sheltered life! I will choose something to work on and report tomorrow.

[Nina]

Great

Thank You

Love and light
Nina

[Ngapa]

Looked at in context of direct experience, I see fears as thoughts. A kind of thought I don't like to have, an emotional thought - ie it triggers physical responses /moods which promote repetition of the same kind of thought. So they are like other sufferings which maintain themselves if not interrupted. And like other sufferings I experience, they relate to having an idea of me as a self, either protecting that idea or its preferences - fears are thoughts of negative experiences which are not currently experienced.

I've just noticed that you asked that I welcome the thought - I forgot to do that. But seeing it as a thought evaporated it (it was a thought I resurrected, not related to present circumstances).

[Nina]

I experience, they relate to having an idea of me as a self, either protecting that idea or its preferences - fears are thoughts of negative experiences which are not currently experienced.

Why do you think you have to protect the self.
Can you identify this self <the I >
Can you see it,
Can you feel it.
Can you show were it is.
Have you any evidence that there is an I in direct experience using all your senses.
I am sure this will move you further in your quest.

Love and Light

Nina

[Ngapa]

I got stuck on this one. To experience this urge to protect a self I need actually to feel a fear then look for the self. Shouldn't be too hard... but when I try to conjure a fear by thinking of it, the thoughts seem to avoid it When I intentionally consider a fearful situation, the thoughts tend to avoid it, not really imagine it fully.

I have tried the above exercise without a fear, and when I can't find an experiencer of senses and thoughts - it is not visible or feelable or locatable - a sense of confusion comes. Possibly from trying to think in terms of an individual person - like others but not one of them - without being able to find an experience of that.

I will keep trying, or use a situation which arises, it just hasn't worked so far.

[Nina]

I can't find an experiencer of senses and thoughts - it is not visible or feelable or locatable - a sense of confusion comes. Possibly from trying to think in terms of an individual person - like others but not one of them - without being able to find an experience of that.

Great, Is there just the experience, with out an experiencer.
Have a look at this from direct experience.
You are making good progress
Love and light
Nina

[Ngapa]

In a moment of recognising the idea of 'me' as a way of thinking, it occurred to me that when I noticed that way of thinking I could counter it with a reminder that looking doesn't find that. I said: "There is no me, only this harmless changing self-known display (which includes thoughts about 'me')". Thoughts are a habit aren't they, so if they could be changed - even to assume there is no me - it might then be easier to see no 'me' in direct experience, since any thinking that began with an assumption of a separate me would at least be weakened, if it happened at all.
And it would become apparent whether 'no-me' thinking clashed with reality or not.
What do you think of that?

[Ngapa]

If there is no continuing me, why would I do my job if I felt like not doing it for a week or two? Why would I not spend all my money on donations or parties or a holiday? Why would I not take whatever I felt like from shops? Why care for the future, act responsibly, fulfil citizen's duties? If all experiences were the same then, what reason would I have to avoid pain, see a doctor, act safely, rest, take care of "myself"?

[Nina]

I think would be a great idea for you to take some time to read more from the gate less Gatecrasher because i think you may be a little stuck.
When we look at I we look at the construct of considering that there is a control that is the thing that is the I
When you start to look there are just thoughts,
they can be of the past. There are the thoughts and experience of the now. Look at this we are all the sum of our thoughts and experience Memory's thoughts that are saved in our brain.
When finding out there is no I that controls anything this does not diminish you your experience of life knowledge
emotions ect.

Love and Light

Nina

[Ngapa]

A controlling I which is responding to thoughts of wanting some things and not wanting others?

OK, sorry about the questions, I felt lost. I had stopped reading Gateless Gatecrashers, which seemed to make it look easy. I am continuing with looking at experience and feelings, including wants and dislikes and other thoughts - noticing their one-sidedness, knowing themselves. I shall also look for a "controller", producing thoughts, or deciding actions.

Anything else to do?