1) Is there a separate entity 'self,' 'me,' 'I,' at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There is no self that can be identified. There is only a thought of a separate self with continuity. Without thought self does not exist. It never existed. There has only ever been a thought of self. That itself is a thought. Now, in direct experience, self does not exist.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of self is a mere thought. There are thoughts of a past with judgments, thoughts of a future with judgments. Thoughts of the now with judgments. None of it is actually what is happening now. Past thoughts are referenced for current and expected behavior, what is expected of us. Future thoughts predict outcomes, characterized by expectation, dread, hope, etc... There are thoughts of past and future selves that are the basis for our current illusion of self. There is comparison amongst all versions of self, the comparison itself being a thought. Feeling is intertwined throughout. There is typically dissatisfaction expressed as a thought of what self is now, as compared to past selves, actions of past self, predicted future self and outcomes. It is all bullshit. It isn't what is happening at all.
The self probably starts when the "I/me" thought first occurs, once language/labeling is intact. This I can only speculate.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Massive pressure release. There is a lack of pressure. Life feels the same and different. Rather than feeling feelings and having thoughts, there is just feeling happening / thoughts happening. It is like being outside of feelings/thoughts, as opposed to being inside of them or being them themselves. They come and go and tend not to hang around so long as they used to, passingly effortlessly. They do not demand attention but get the attention they get. They are not run from. They do not cause immersion. They do not bother anything. They are fine, even appreciated, feelings/thoughts of all kinds. Liberation is the accurate term. There is openness. There is calm and clarity in all perception. Sensory perception is effortless, whereas it was assumed something was doing perception prior to seeing through the illusion. The theme of effort has lost its essence. There really is no effort in living. Living just happens now.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Without a doubt the suggestion to "take it inside", not is thought or in the abstract. That is absolutely the turning point. Up until then there was so much analytical thought, so much effort of engagement. That was all very necessary to get to the point of taking it inside. But at that point of being able to truly take it inside there was no more concept, no more figuring. No more need to try to do this, to accomplish seeing through the illusion, get through the gate, etc...
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
No. There is no me to decide, intend, choose, or control. There is only a thought of a me that does these things. Outside of that thought what could do anything? Body moves, thoughts occur. There is nothing that can be identified that wills movement of body and thought. There is a thought of a me thought does, but that is only a thought, and that is seen. It cannot be believed. Driving a car, washing hands, typing words...everything. When they are looked at it is clear that nothing can be identified as intending anything. Sitting on a couch. Only a thought says "should I get up", "I'm going to get up", "I'm going to stay seated". Only thought. What chooses these thoughts? All that can claim the choosing is a thought, and that thought is thought. Thought doesn't think. It just is.
6) Anything to add?
Yes. Steve, THANK YOU for your guidance. I cannot express my gratitude.
Mark
