Requesting Delma as a guide

[Delma]

I would like to understand how you saw this while observing daily activities. It's not a quiz, but an exercise meant to return the feel of it, to bring it back up.

Can you describe an activity and how it was 'automatic'? And then tell me whether any 'yes, buts' come up. It's ok if they're there.
:)

[childlike]

Long ago I began not trusting that things could happen unless I made them happen. By seeing there was no real I doing this all the suffering vanished. I stopped taking diet pills and found I wasn't hungry or obsessed with food. Living includes knowing when and what to eat. First time since 15 years old. Something knows how I needed to take care of me. Much better than my separate controller.this Has begun a series of better decisions regarding my health. I have moments of panic from loss of controlling feel. But I know taking care of myself is life living itself.
Linda

[Delma]

Does this mean you've seen through the illusion of a separate self?

[childlike]

Delma,
Clearly my separate I was mean hostile and was not my friend. Life has always been right there. I just need to let it happen.
Linda

[Delma]

That sounds like a possible dissociation.

"my separate I was mean hostile and was not my friend."

It looks like we have more work to do. Are you still up for it?

[childlike]

Hi Delma,
Whatever is happening has been very good for me. I am very happy to learn more. I am ready.
Linda

[Delma]

Where is the "I" now? Please be honest in your answer and let me know whether it is coming up, and how.

[childlike]

It keeps trying to sneak back in control. I look straight at the illusion and it disappears. Sometimes it takes over and I can be deep in the story before I realize where I am.
Linda

[Delma]

If there is no "I" when looking, then what is it that is trying to take control? Please pause to look and carefully consider this question before answering.

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[childlike]

The evil i that doesn't exist?
Linda

[Delma]

No I whatsoever.

Let's step back. Consider this, something I've just shared with another client:

"Do you see how what's happening is that there is an "I" being assumed, right at the beginning. So you're caught in a conceptual loop, and it's being reinforced by the idea that life cannot go on without an observer at the center. What happens then is that the feeling of 'behind the eyes' becomes attributed to that "I".


When you say "I" look straight at the illusion, that's the very beginning of the assumption. So then there is the illusion that the "I" began looking for the "I". But that first "I" is what's in question. If it wasn't there, the feeling of an "I" would be just that.... a feeling with no one behind it. Just a feeling popping up without an owner."


Does this make sense so far? Do you understand that we're looking for that very first and automatic assumption?"

[childlike]

Dalmatian
So the I that is fighting with the evil I is the I behind my eyes and is an illusion?
Linda

[Delma]

What have you found to be true about the "I"?

[childlike]

I absolutely cannot locate a me or an I or a controller in or around Linda. What is this thing that wants Linda to be unhappy or to fail? Is this an illusion? If there is no I then who is fighting?
Linda

[Delma]

Linda, are you asking a rhetorical question?

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