Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
What happens arises as spontaneously as thoughts arise; there doesn't seem to be a difference. It's kind of like "Oh, that's happening." So there's no control, because there's no constructing of the experience, it is a presentation and includes newness, or is newness. I mean there are all the names for things and dynamics, but it is kind of spontaneous rich text, not plain. Even how I make coffee in the morning or where I put the cup between typing sentences isn't really a decision, it puts the cup there and that's new. There's about as much control over it as the phone ringing. "Look! I can levitate birds!" :)
There can be a narrative about what's going one, but it's descriptive, not constructive. The former star of the show can't be given credit for the lines or the story. Even my dreams last night were about "there's nothing to do; nothing can be done; yet it all happens." There was a strange absence of desiring to convince anyone which persists. There
is no convincing anyone. Or me. The news seems oddly hollow, and the usual emotional reactions and judgments are absent as prime, because it all feels like a silly play. It is un-believable.
Deciding? Intending? Choosing? What those are "about" "to" or "between" comes as spontaneously as anything else, appearing unbidden, and it seems to be a matter of perception. The action is already in play, not really distinct from the perception. There's a shadow of the thought process that used to be energized around some things, but it is not charged with a "dramatis persona" who is the sufferer of consequences. The drama of things seems to have drained out without effecting the presence of senses or feelings. If anything, things are more sparkly. So I'd say on reflection that the life agenda that was intended to be taken care of still is there as part of the field of possibilities, but there is the knowledge that what, it will unfold with its surprises and turns without causing upset due to clinging to a desired outcome in a particular way. As my business partner used to say, "vamos a ver." Let's go see.
So I can "decide" to go use the computer, draw the shades, or do errands. But the circumstance of that decision is inherent in the flow and can't be abstracted from it as a discreet act, and it never happens the same way twice as it is all festooned with accidentals and incidentals of unrepeatable difference. Deciding, choosing, or intending are broad descriptives not reflecting the reality of the minutiae of flow in the moment. I'm not sure they really mean anything in fact. They are kinds of a conveniences of language that supports the illusion of a self apart. Heinlein was right: "In English, the present tense singular of the verb 'to be' is the only one true to fact." And the subject/verb/object construction is vastly misleading and mechanistic. Like I said, Vince, back to Sanskrit.
Deciding, intending, and choosing were left for last, because it is not entirely clear whether there's a lack of linguistic facility in expressing how those are seen, of if there is residue of an I lurking, or if it has to do with a kind of persistence of vision that happens when you see things for an instant when you shut your eyes as if they were open, except this is kind of reverse. There's no delusion here that there's no "work" to be done from here on out, but as I told Steve, it is an infinite Unfolding. That implies it is all already there, but is seen in increasing fullness as it opens. And it doesn't seem to me that as quick, surprisingly quick as realizations are, that the brain re-wires instantly to accommodate those in all their implications. In fact, it appears to me that that sort of happens as events happen and recognition allows an expansion of awareness to include perception of greater patterns and subtler connectivity, and just plain "oh wow! I never say THAT coming!" :) It's like all the props are holographic and faceted to see an infinity of combinations riffing off each other, seen according to one's ability and intensity. It is all a gift. So even if I'm half-baked, there is no doubt that the oven is on. :)
