Looking for a Guide

[Reikiwind]

Good Morning, Paulo :-)
I would just like to share this before trying this next exercise.
As you noticed yesterday's exercise about a car triggered a maelstrom of conflicting thoughts and sensations, I tried to address them each but soon found that as soon as I focus on a thought or feeling it would disappear, quickly replaced by another contrary thought which in turn would go.... puff.... as though it couldn't quite get purchase and gave up. I had a restless night, each time I woke I looked at thoughts but this morning my mind is calm. It is hard to describe. Normally I have a monkey mind, I am a Reiki practitioner, teacher and master and find I have to use a lot of self discipline, meditation and chakra work before I practice just to calm the mind so I can become an open channel for the energies I use. It was an Intuition I had during a pre-reiki meditation that told me to go through the Gate, I often have Intuitions in this state, usually concerning clients I am working with and have learned over the years to trust them, or rather my Guides. Anyway as I say I awoke to an empty head, I'm still functioning, communicating etc but the bombardment has ceased, at least for now :-) I must be on the right path at last :-)
I shall come back after this new exercise,
Thank you again, Paulo,
Wendy :-)

[Reikiwind]

Take 60 seconds and note what sounds you can hear in the moment. Report what you observe.

OK, observing sounds, first hearing clucking, after the sound the mind identifies Colonel the alpha cockerel "talking" to the hens. Hearing the rustle of a couple of dogs climbing up to be near where I am sitting, then settling, the mind identifies which two without looking. A car drives down the track closely followed by barks and yaps from dogs in fincas receding down the lane as the car passes by their territory. All is clearly identified in the mind with thoughts and visions. Hearing the oldest dog snoring in next room. Hearing the scraping of furniture, not a common sound but the mind knows my husband and step-son are clearing the front annex. Hearing distant voices too far to hear actual words, thoughts identifying who the voices belong to. Cockerel crowing, the mind pictures him doing it. Chicks cheeping, Swallows chattering, the thoughts recall them nesting in the trastero opposite where I sit and this brings a smile.
The sounds happen then the mind/thoughts jump in, often with pictures, to identify them. The mind seems always active but the calmness remains, no "unwanted" or contradictory thoughts emerging, just identification of sounds, if it can't identify a specific birdsong thoughts resolve to go outside to see which bird is singing, there is no control on my part apart from going and sitting quietly to listen. Sounds happen, life happens whether I observe it or not.
Wendy :-)

[Paulo]

Hi Wendy, thank you for sharing a little more of your story, writing and thinking out loud are great for clarifying where you are. Once you focus on truth, on what is, you’re on the right track – and you have seen from your experience last night that ‘what is’ can sometimes be calm, sometimes turbulent, sometimes … well, you can fill in the blank there yourself :) It’s ever changing, just no ‘I’ there directing it all.

Sounds happen, life happens whether I observe it or not.

Excellent, very nice observations. You can clearly see that sounds happen, and the mind labels these sounds, triggering memories of past sounds, memories, which then trigger other thoughts. All happening automatically. And yes, perfectly put – life happens without any separate ‘I’ there.

What is observing life happening?

Paulo.

[If you carry out that exercise again there’s one sound I note you missed, a sound so obvious it’s easily overlooked (just like reality in a way). It’s right there with you all the time – do you want to try that again and see if you can hear it, or do you want me to tell you? … hmmm, a nice mystery for you to solve!]

[Reikiwind]

Hi Paulo,
The subtle sound of breathing, faint but there and because it is constant I guess the mind doesn't feel a need to label or comment on it unless of course I have a cold or cough which could change the sound to a degree where the mind would feel obliged to label it as "chesty" or a "wheeze" and then probably go off on various tangents about the reason for the change. You are right, I missed it, monitoring and slowing my breathing has become second nature to me.... second nature, hmmmm habit, unthinking action... you know it could be that everything is "unthinking action" the thoughts obviously follow experience so even if we think we are controlling our actions does it not follow that we are not, we act and then think we wanted to do this thing and caused the action? Are actions instinctive? The animals have different characteristics but they behave instinctively, fulfilling physical needs such as hunger, thirst, a need for affection or praise - base instincts, they have no need or comprehension of self.

What is observing life happening?

Good question. Does observing require an observer? The eyes see, ears hear etc but don't they anyway? If a baby cries you cannot not hear it. If a dog has an accident you cannot not smell it. If a wasp stings you you cannot not feel it. OK so those may be extreme examples but it seems that observing happens without any need of an observer. Our thoughts about observations (after the fact) give the impression of deliberate observing but that is actually untrue!

Paulo, I think I may be having an Eureka moment :-)

[Paulo]

Hi Wendy, glad you're enjoying our little 'spot the sound' game. Breathing, yes, very good ... buuuut ... there is one more - it's right there, with you all the time, just like reality, you can't not experience it (hehe, I'm such a tease!).

OK so those may be extreme examples but it seems that observing happens without any need of an observer. Our thoughts about observations (after the fact) give the impression of deliberate observing but that is actually untrue!

Excellent, I love it. You can see now that just like labeling sounds 'after the fact' we also label our thoughts, and weave them into a story that forms our conception of reality. And, just as a map is not the territory it represents, the labels, the story, and the concept of reality are also not what they represent.

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Do like diving? Let's go deeper, here we will look at another aspect of direct experience - FEELINGS.

Think of something that made you feel happy.

Is there a Wendy there making you feel happy, or creating that emotion?

Did the experience of happiness you’ve just had last, or did you begin feeling something else after some time?

How did this change happen, did you choose another thought to make the happiness fade?


Paulo :-)

[Reikiwind]

Oh Paulo, I think you have me on the sound game..... unless..... heartbeat, the subtle sound of blood pumping through veins and arteries, the sound of life itself! Sometimes it can seem quite loud but mostly it goes unnoticed. Why is it that if you are really frightened or need to be really quiet does it seem that your heartbeat is loud enough to be heard by others? If it's not heartbeat, Paulo, I shall have to give up or you'll have to give me a clue :-) Just had yet another thought.... thoughts, "hearing" thoughts, they never shut up, they have something to "say" about everything ;-)

Think of something that made you feel happy.

My daughter's wedding last November.

Is there a Wendy there making you feel happy, or creating that emotion?

No "I" had nothing to do with it. Happiness is contagious just as a smile is a Universal language. My daughter was happy, that is all a mother could wish for. We flew to England for the event, my husband came with me which was wonderful, we don't normally travel together as we have a lot of animals to care for. We saw my old Mum and my son who nearly died in a bad car accident early last year, it was lovely to be visiting under happier circumstances. But "I" was not the cause of the happiness, circumstances, loved ones, a joyous atmosphere.... stimuli caused the feeling, not "Wendy".

Did the experience of happiness you’ve just had last, or did you begin feeling something else after some time?

The happiness lasted until it was time for us to fly home to Spain. It was a magical weekend. It is always hard for me to leave my Mum, we have tried various ways of saying Goodbye but her eyes fill with tears, then my eyes fill with tears and I cried all the way to the airport :-(

How did this change happen, did you choose another thought to make the happiness fade?

Stimuli. Sadness is contagious too. If you see someone yawn - you yawn. If you see someone laugh (genuinely) - you laugh. If you see a loved one cry - you cry. Empathy? The feelings, emotions are triggered by stimuli just like thoughts, and thoughts (which cannot be controlled) can compound an emotional situation. If somebody lets you down your mind, thoughts and emotions will run with it, creating hundreds of reasons, what ifs, even creating imaginary conversations with others or the person who let you down. The mind is extremely clever at manipulating or compounding situations caused by various stimuli. "I" have no control, no choice but saying that in accepting that there is no "I" and ultimately no thought control I'm finding I am not as influenced by the thoughts as I used to be. For instance, whilst typing this exercise my step-son came in and grabbed the camera to photograph 6 new kittens one of our cats had a few days ago, as he reached across the table he accidentally knocked the internet connection off. I didn't notice at the time but when I clicked submit I lost the lot! Thoughts, anger, disappointment and frustration all kicked in immediately but I didn't react, I acknowledged each and every one but they couldn't get purchase, they were just meddling thoughts. I explained what had happened when he came back in, had a laugh about it, looked at his photos and started over with the typing. I don't think "I" was involved just a realization that not all thoughts are true and acting on them is not compulsory. Getting angry would have served no purpose but in the past I would have reacted differently. It is confusing using I but not meaning "I"

Wendy

[Paulo]

Oh Paulo, I think you have me on the sound game..... unless..... heartbeat, the subtle sound of blood pumping through veins and arteries, the sound of life itself!

Ha! you got it – the heartbeat - it’s the first and last sound we all hear. And just like reality it’s right there all the time. If ever you need to orient yourself to reality just listen to your heartbeat for a few moments. No need for lengthy meditations, groundings, or clearings – just bumpity, bumpity, bump – and you’re right there in the moment. Beautiful in its simplicity.
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Very nice observation of emotions too. You can see that they just arise, stay while the stimuli producing them are present, and then fade as other stimuli come into awareness. All automatic, no ‘I’ here at all.

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It is confusing using I but not meaning "I"

What does 'I' refer to in direct experience?

Paulo :-)

[Reikiwind]

Hi Paulo,

What does 'I' refer to in direct experience?

In direct experience there is no "I" Like with observing happening without an observer, experience doesn't have an experiencer. Direct experience is just that, experience, it happens and will happen without any control or influence from "I" it may be influenced by stimuli like thoughts or feelings. When hearing a sound that cannot be identified the mind will look to identify it, just as it labels everything to build it's stories, I don't see an "I" making it investigate, it's the nature of the mind. Of course the mind's story will incorporate "I"..... I saw that the new birdsong came from the Bee-eaters just returned from Africa (noisy things but pretty).... but in direct experience there is no "I" just a mental illusion.

Wendy :-)

[Paulo]

Great Wendy, so clear, and getting clearer, let's keep up that momentum.

Nothing exists outside the present moment.

Consider that statement. Spend some time with it as you go about your daily business, look, observe, be.

Can you find anything outside the present moment?

[Another 'treasure hunt' game for you!]

Paulo :-)

[Reikiwind]

Hi Paulo,

Tricky one this, I immediately thought yes there are things outside of the present moment, the house, animals, mountains, forests etc they are always there whether I am there or not. But, I followed your advice and mulled it over while doing my chores.

Can you find anything outside the present moment?

So there I was making falafel, thinking, thinking..... first I'm thinking inanimate things are always here, when I put chick peas to soak last night they were there all night, not just now, albeit changing form but still there. But the more I pondered the more it became apparent that the present moment is always. There is only now, even when this body is out collecting eggs the chick peas are still soaking in the kitchen.... having their now, if that makes sense. The more I mull it over the clearer it is. Memories are just stories retained by the mind - true - so they don't exist and if they are recalled, they are recalled Now. (Please excuse the Ekhart Tolle terminology but it fits for this exercise) Everything, every animal, person, thought and feeling must be happening Now. I don't know where you are but where-ever you are it is Now there, yes? The past is just a series of stories, history if you like, all events were once Now but they can only be recalled, read about or considered in the present moment. The future doesn't exist except through thoughts (which are uncontrolled by any "I") the future never comes there is only the present and everything exists in the present. The house existed yesterday but that is now the past as as such can only be considered in the present.

Wendy :-)

[Paulo]

Hi Wendy, yes that was all very Eckhart Tolle-ish, but what a thing to see!

There is only now, even when this body is out collecting eggs the chick peas are still soaking in the kitchen.... having their now, if that makes sense.

Such a nice way to put it – every ‘thing’ has its own ‘now’ – I’m saving that one for my quotes collection.

The past is just a series of stories, history if you like, all events were once Now but they can only be recalled, read about or considered in the present moment. The future doesn't exist except through thoughts (which are uncontrolled by any "I") the future never comes there is only the present and everything exists in the present.

You’re absolutely right, thoughts of the past are happening now, thoughts of the future are happening now. A fun game I play is to try to ‘catch’ a ‘now’ – as soon as I say the word ‘now’ that now is a past now and there’s a brand new now – I haven’t caught a ‘now’ yet, but I’ll keep trying :)

So, the million dollar question is –

Look with your physical eyes, can you see a separate entity called ‘I’ anywhere in the now?

Paulo :-)

[Reikiwind]

Hi Paulo :-)

Look with your physical eyes, can you see a separate entity called ‘I’ anywhere in the now?

I can't find an "I" anywhere except as labels in thoughts. There is no separate entity that is "I" in the now, "I" only appears in thoughts and memories (thoughts of the past) and it has no physical substance, the mind tags it onto thoughts after the fact, the mind incorporates it into thoughts of the future before the fact but the mind cannot place "I" in the present moment because it is just a label and by the time the mind has attached it the moment is gone, there is only now and without physical form "I" cannot exist now.

Wendy :-)

[Paulo]

Great, so you have the million dollars in the bag, that's yours to keep. Now for the next question - remember, this is for six million dollars, the holiday and the car -

Have you seen through the illusion of a separate self?

Paulo :-)

[Reikiwind]

I suppose I have, yes, and it is quite clear.... but I don't really feel any different. I feel calmer, am not reacting to stuff personally anymore, it's a bit like looking at life from a different perspective, just need to get used to it I guess :-)

[Paulo]

Great, thanks Wendy.

You've looked at all the aspects of direct experience and not found an 'I', whether in THOUGHT, FEELINGS or bodily SENSATIONS. You've also looked at the present moment, and not found any 'I' there either. Fantastic.

but I don't really feel any different

Feeling different is (or WAS) just an expectation. Reality is what it is, and IT is only that which is in the present moment, that's all, it's very ordinary, very simple. All else is illusion.

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Wendy, I have noticed a shift in your perspective over the past while, and am quite happy to ask you a final set of questions, which is the usual thing to do at this point in the process.

Buuut ... I would like to dig a little deeper with you, and want to ask you a question that goes a little beyond what we do here. But I do feel it will help you, and to be honest it will come up sooner or later. I wanted to check with you first if you wanted to go a little deeper?

If you are, great, if not I will ask you the final questions and we will progress from there.

With love, Paulo.